forget your Unified Theory of Everything

the typical fic

Sun, 16 Dec 2018 02:23:33 GMT

There is a Typical Fic in the 2K - 8K range, and approximately 1/3 of this Typical Fic is the Advertised Porn. Sometimes it's closer to 40%, sometimes closer to 25%, but 30% is the most common ratio.

The remaining fic is usually something like 50-69% Getting There, 1-10% Sex is Next, with 1-10% Aftermath. "Getting There" most typically includes groundwork for the trope (we are best friends realizing our feelings; we're enemies but we're in prison together; aliens are going to make us do it! etc). Groundwork for the trope can be laid by talking about the trope (which was set into motion pre-fic, e.g. the enemies start in prison) or plot to make the trope happen (e.g. the enemies team up against a Bigger Enemy and get caught and thrown in prison).

"Sex Is Next" refers to the denouement of "Getting There." The best friends confess they love each other, the enemies get bored and one mentions there's nothing to do but The Do, the aliens who are making them do said do are herding them toward the arena. In other words, the plot is either resolved or stops; the other characters go away; there is a moment of They're Going To Do It before they, you know, Do It.

The Advertised Porn is whatever kink or tropes are referenced in the title, tags, and/or summary (usually all three).

Aftermath length can vary wildly depending on whether Getting There involved Plot (the enemies have to get out of prison) or Talking About It. The aftermath for the latter is usually How They Feel about each other, usually with a little nod to how they Got There ("Why did it take us so long?" "See you next time you're in prison!" "Let us never speak of that planet again.")

I don't have any particular value judgments about the Typical Fic as I've laid it out. I have come across examples both terrible and amazing. I was just wondering if you have thoughts about it, including but not limited to: how did we arrive at these ratios, is this a pwp, what are your thoughts on yaoi

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Away Childish Things fanart

Wed, 12 Dec 2018 19:30:16 GMT

Just wanted to share this amazing fanart for my fic, Away Childish Things. The fanart is of de-aged!Harry and adult!Draco, who is reading to Harry, and they are surrounded by a swirl of magic. The way they are surrounded by beautiful color is exactly how I imagined that scene, and the wonder in tiny!Harry's eyes is ADORABLE; I love it.

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apparently i just wrote gotham fic...

Wed, 01 Oct 2014 07:31:16 GMT

Title: They Grew Up Young
Fandom: Gotham (TV)
Rating: PG-13
Length: around 5,000 words
Characters: Bruce Wayne and Gordon, a little Alfred, Cat on the periphery
Warnings/additional tags: this is gen, but there are sexual overtones that involve an underaged person. There is nothing explicit, and I assume you could read it and not see any of that, but I put it there purposely, so there you go.
Summary: Snapshots of Jim Gordon and Bruce Wayne as they get older. Bruce fucks up a lot and Gordon wonders what the hell to do about it.

Link: They Grew Up Young

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FIC: Midnight Judges

Wed, 29 May 2013 08:44:55 GMT

Title: Midnight Judges
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek (2009), Star Trek Into Darkness
Rating: PG
Ships: gen
Characters: original characters, Spock Prime, Number One, Christopher Pike, Gaila, Doctor M'Benga, Christine Chapel, James T. Kirk
Additional info: race, ability, religion, genderqueer, original characters, meta

Summary: In the two weeks following the events of Star Trek Into Darkness, a Starfleet officer tries to put Starfleet back together again.

As a friend pointed out, anyone looking for a fic with plot and subtlety should probably not read this fic. It might work whether you liked the movie or not, but I wrote it in order to address multiple aspects of fail. It should probably be titled, "Why I Love Starfleet".

A/N: Thanks to mage_girl so so so much for the speedy read-through, and talking to me about issues and things. Thanks also to everbright for the just-as-speedy SPAG check, and for being so generous with your time. And thanks a million times over to my_daroga. my_daroga came up with an essential plot point to this story, and provided other useful suggestions. She also did a read-through and edited for me, and most of all, always listens to me talk non-stop about stories when I am writing them. I'm sorry! You're amazing. All mistakes are mine. Thanks so much, all three of you!

This story is finished.

Midnight Judges

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FIC: Let's Stop The Timewarp (Again) - Avengers (gen)

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 05:45:32 GMT

Title: Let's Stop The Time Warp (Again)
Fandom: The Avengers (2012)
Rating: R
Warnings: mild gore, references to suicide
Length: 113,000 (in 12 chapters)
Ships: gen (background Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Jane Foster/Thor, past Betty Ross/Bruce Banner)
Characters: Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Jane Foster, Natasha Romanov, Thor, Darcy Lewis,
Summary: Steve Rogers has to live the same day over and over. Bruce, Tony, Pepper, Jane, and Thor try to help him. Then things go from bad to worse. This story includes, but isn't limited to: Bruce and Tony bonding over science, Bruce and Jane bonding over aliens in outerspace, Steve being a Big Damn Hero, Pepper being rather freakishly efficient, Tony talking about sex a lot, action, gore, a world gone wild, Bruce Banner tending wounds, Darcy Lewis doing PR, Pepper's mother, T'Challa, racebent!Janet, racebent!Pym, Natasha being a Big Damn Hero, angry mobs, evil corporations, crazy physics shenanigans, and Bill Murray.
A/N: Thanks to my_daroga, for being so supportive and putting up with me, readertorider, for help with science, and yhlee, for more help with science

This story is finished.

Let's Stop The Time Warp (Again)

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fic, excuses, idk porn

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 06:39:39 GMT

Sooo . . . may I just say I'm a loser? I have so many things to read and people about whom I care very much who are all waiting on replies from me. I'm sorry. I'm afraid that instead of taking care of anything that matters in what spare time real life has afforded I've just been poking sticks at this porn. In my defense, I've had very very little spare time, and for those of you who haven't heard from me, it's not because I don't love you or care about what you do or don't think you're amazing and brilliant. Because I do. I'll get back to you soon, hopefully. ♥

In the meantime, porn.

Title: Relationship Risk Assessment and Research
Pairing: Tony/Pepper
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: dirty talk, a spreadsheet, a vibrator, anal play, an enema, a blow-job, snowballing, light bondage, light humiliation, felching, consent issues, sex scenes of epic length and unnecessary proportion, seriously, they’re too long, a kitten
Summary: Pepper’s trying to run a company, maintain a relationship, and still have her own life. Tony’s just trying to be a good person. AKA the one in which Tony won’t shut up about Pepper’s vagina and Pepper has a backstory.
A/N: Thanks to my_daroga for listening, and jad and aki_hoshi for spreadsheet help.

This takes place directly after Action Items for the Morning After, but since it’s primarily PWP, you probably don’t really have to read that one to get this one. This occurs in the same universe as Responsible Science, but there aren’t many points of connection.

A/N2: This fic is sprawling and shapeless and bulky beyond all belief. And 50,000 words of basically PWP? It really should be cut and trimmed and fine-tuned, but I didn’t really write it to be a good story. I did it to let off a bunch of steam, and because serious stories I’m trying to write were stressing me out. I'm sure many people think that there should a hard line difference between "Stories" with a capital S and rambles that are a lot more like "here are my thoughts lemme show you them and god, isn't that hot?" But the problem is I have an easier time expressing my thoughts in the form of fiction. So I'm sort of sorry I called it a story. But sort of not because it's still a story, just not a very good one. So idk have fun.

Relationship Risk Assessment and Research

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FIC: Hope Springs Eternal (But Love Springs in the Forest, Unannounced)

Sat, 01 Sep 2012 04:48:39 GMT

Title: Hope Springs Eternal (But Love Springs in the Forest, Unannounced)
Author: Lettered
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: lots of dirty talk, really
Summary: Draco falls into a love spring. Harry saves him! And now they’re bonded for life. Draco is horrified. Harry thinks it’s kind of neat.
A/N: This was my fic for reversathon. I went with this prompt: the crack-concept of secret, unintentional soul-bonding [handled] with some seriousness (just because you love someone doesn’t mean you don’t also hate them).

( Hope Springs Eternal (But Love Springs in the Forest, Unannounced) )

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FIC: Action Items for the Morning After

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 00:12:29 GMT

Title: Action Items for the Morning After
Rating: R
Length: 6,500
Characters: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Warning: a blow job
Summary: Pepper processes the aftermath of sleeping with Tony Stark. This is gonna take some time. And a fully annotated agenda, complete with multiple choice questions.
A/N: Thanks to my_daroga, for being interested.

This is the sequel to Or Even Rearrange You. Probably works better if you've read that, but it's mostly porn, so it's also probably not necessary.

If you want, this series could be Tony/Pepper backstory for the series I’m writing, Responsible Science. Other than the fact that I wrote them with the same characterizations in mind, though, they have very little to do with each other.

This takes place right near the end of Iron Man 2.

( Action Items for the Morning After )

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FIC: Or Even Rearrange You

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 21:02:10 GMT

Title: Or Even Rearrange You
Rating: NC-17
Length: 11,000
Characters: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Warning: lots of het sex?
Summary: Tony and Pepper negotiate the beginnings of a romantic relationship. With sex.
A/N: Thanks to my_daroga, for being interested.

If you want, this could be Tony/Pepper backstory for the series I’m writing, Responsible Science. Other than the fact that I wrote them with the same characterizations in mind, though, they have very little to do with each other.

This takes place right near the end of Iron Man 2.

( Or Even Rearrange You )

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FIC: The Kids Weren't Alright (4/4)

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 02:58:12 GMT

Title: The Kids Weren’t Alright
Rating: PG
Length: this chapter: 14,000; total: ~55,500
Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, and Jane Foster. This is gen, but focuses on the relationships between Bruce/Tony, Bruce/Steve, Bruce/Natasha, with some Tony/Pepper, Tony/Steve, Natasha/Clint
Warning: deals with past child abuse (parts 2-4); offensive (including homophobic) language; really nonsensical use of science concepts, equipment, and terminology
Summary: Tony accidentally turns himself into a twelve-year-old using alien tech. Steve is stuck as bodyguard, Bruce is stuck trying to fix him, and Pepper is stuck trying to ward off a twelve-year old’s attempts at flirtation. And then things go from bad to worse.
A/N: Thanks as always to my_daroga, for listening.

This is the fourth story of the series Responsible Science. You don’t have to have read any of the previous stories to get this one.

Go to: part 1 and part 2 and part 3

( The Kids Weren’t Alright - end )

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FIC: The Kids Weren't Alright (3/4)

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 18:49:43 GMT

Title: The Kids Weren’t Alright
Rating: PG
Length: this chapter: 13,000; total: 53,000
Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, and Jane Foster. This is gen, but focuses on the relationships between Bruce/Tony, Bruce/Steve, Bruce/Natasha, with some Tony/Pepper, Tony/Steve, Natasha/Clint
Warning: deals with past child abuse (parts 2-4); offensive (including homophobic) language; really nonsensical use of science concepts, equipment, and terminology
Summary: Tony accidentally turns himself into a twelve-year-old using alien tech. Steve is stuck as bodyguard, Bruce is stuck trying to fix him, and Pepper is stuck trying to ward off a twelve-year old’s attempts at flirtation. And then things go from bad to worse.
A/N: Thanks as always to my_daroga, for listening.

This is the fourth story of the series Responsible Science. You don’t have to have read any of the previous stories to get this one.

This story is 4 parts long. It’s finished; I’m just editing. All should be posted within a week.

Go to: part 1 | part 2

( The Kids Weren’t Alright part 3 )

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FIC: The Kids Weren't Alright (2/4)

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 08:01:51 GMT

Title: The Kids Weren’t Alright
Rating: PG
Length: this chapter: 13,500; total: 53,000
Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, and Jane Foster. This is gen, but focuses on the relationships between Bruce/Tony, Bruce/Steve, Bruce/Natasha, with some Tony/Pepper, Tony/Steve, Natasha/Clint
Warning: deals with past child abuse (parts 2-4); offensive (including homophobic) language; really nonsensical use of science concepts, equipment, and terminology
Summary: Tony accidentally turns himself into a twelve-year-old using alien tech. Steve is stuck as bodyguard, Bruce is stuck trying to fix him, and Pepper is stuck trying to ward off a twelve-year old’s attempts at flirtation. And then things go from bad to worse.
A/N: Thanks as always to my_daroga, for listening.

This is the fourth story of the series Responsible Science. You don’t have to have read any of the previous stories to get this one.

This story is 4 parts long. It’s finished; I’m just editing. All should be posted within a week.

Go to: part 1

( The Kids Weren’t Alright part 2 )

Go to: part 3

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FIC: The Kids Weren't Alright (1/4)

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 21:56:49 GMT

Title: The Kids Weren’t Alright
Rating: PG-13
Length: this chapter: 16,000; total: 53,000
Characters: Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, and Jane Foster. This is gen, but focuses on the relationships between Bruce/Tony, Bruce/Steve, Bruce/Natasha, with some Tony/Pepper, Tony/Steve, Natasha/Clint
Warning: deals with past child abuse (parts 2-4); offensive (including homophobic) language; really nonsensical use of science concepts, equipment, and terminology
Summary: Tony accidentally turns himself into a twelve-year-old using alien tech. Steve is stuck as bodyguard, Bruce is stuck trying to fix him, and Pepper is stuck trying to ward off a twelve-year old’s attempts at flirtation. And then things go from bad to worse.
A/N: Thanks as always to my_daroga, for listening.

This is the fourth story of the series Responsible Science. You don’t have to have read any of the previous stories to get this one.

This story is 4 parts long. It’s finished; I’m just editing. All should be posted within a week.

( The Kids Weren’t Alright part 1 )

Go to: part 2

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FIC: Keep Your Splendid, Silent Sun

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 02:40:54 GMT

Title: Keep Your Splendid, Silent Sun
Rating: PG
Characters: Bruce, Pepper, Natasha, Steve, Tony, little bit of Clint, Fury, and Maria Hill. Gen-like, with suggestions of Bruce/Natasha, Bruce/Steve, Bruce/Tony, Tony/Pepper.
Warnings: Highly improbable and ridiculous science
Disclaimer: Not mine. Title from Whitman, and Tony misquotes Heinlein.
Summary: After the events of the movie, Bruce decides he doesn’t want to be an Avenger. Ten months later, an email from Pepper brings him back to New York, where Bruce has to face the people he left behind--oh yeah, and save the world (again).
A/N: This is part of a series. You don’t have to read the other stories in order to get this one, I don’t think, though previous stories are referenced. Previous parts in series, in order: A Fine Spur (LJ | AO3 | DW) and The Hollow Men (LJ | DW | AO3)

( Keep Your Splendid, Silent Sun )

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FIC: So, The Helicarrier Needs Curtains

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 19:13:33 GMT

Title: So, The Helicarrier Needs Curtains
Characters/pairings: Bruce, Natasha, Tony, Steve, Clint; mainly Bruce/Natasha, with some Bruce/Tony, maybe Natasha/Clint if you want, brief mention of Clint/Coulson, family dynamics
Rating: G? PG?
Length:3,500
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: This isn’t actually about curtains. It’s about friends, taking care of each other, pizza, and zombies.
A/N: jbadgr made this picture for my fic, A Fine Spur. So then I wrote this fic for her picture, Get Some Sleep, Big Guy. Go make her draw more drawings.

This is not attached to the universe of A Fine Spur (LJ | AO3 | DW) or The Hollow Men (LJ | DW | AO3); it’s just some quick fluff.

( The Helicarrier Needs Curtains )

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FIC: The Hollow Men (Avengers)

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 05:02:37 GMT

Title:The Hollow Men
Author: lettered
Characters: Bruce Banner+Steve Rogers, or Bruce/Steve. Also includes off-screen Tony.
Rating: PG-13
Length: 26,000
Warnings: issues include ethics in the superhero genre, politics, patriotism, aid in Africa, HIV, homophobia, terrorism, religion, child abuse, brief allusion to suicide. If you think discussion of these things between the two main characters would bother you, I strongly encourage use of your back button.
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine. Title and poem belong to Eliot.
Summary: Steve goes to Uganda, ostensibly to fetch Bruce, who still doesn’t want to join the Avengers. Steve tries to figure out how to do the right thing; they both try to find their place in the world.
A/N: Thank you to honeylocusttree for the beta, promptness, and explanations. And I can’t even say how much of this fic is indebted to my_daroga. Thank you for listening, encouraging, reading, vetting, idea-sharing, concept-checking, and putting up with me. I’d say that you are Steve to my Bruce, but . . . I’m way taller than you, among other things. :o)

This comes after A Fine Spur (AO3 | DW | LJ), which is Natasha and Bruce (or Natasha/Bruce), but it doesn’t have to be read in order to get this one.

I am aware of the problematic nature of addressing these issues through the use of fandom and these characters in particular; it's partly why I wrote the fic. If anyone finds anything inaccurate or offensive herein, I would really like to know about it. For more information about aid and/or Uganda, please read the note at the end.

( The Hollow Men )

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FIC: A Fine Spur (Avengers, Natasha, Bruce Banner)

Thu, 24 May 2012 21:20:35 GMT

Title: A Fine Spur
Rating: PG-13, for violence? I guess.
Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner – I think this is gen, but I dunno, he has sexy thoughts about her.
Disclaimer: Doesn’t belong to me.
Summary: Uninterested in being an Avenger, Bruce goes back into hiding. Once more Natasha is sent to recruit him, but she has an agenda of her own. There's this total McGuffin action plot, and then this totally meta discussion on whether Black Widow is allowed to show emotion, cf multiple fannish discussions on the subject.
A/N: This uses two prompts I saw on the kinkmeme. One is that Natasha is afraid of the Hulk and hangs out with Bruce in order to overcome it. Another one was Bruce tending Natasha’s wounds. So there you go.

Fear is a fine spur; so is rage. ~Irish proverb

( A Fine Spur )

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FIC: Ginny Weasley: Dragon Slayer

Tue, 01 May 2012 21:33:55 GMT

Title: Ginny Weasley: Dragon Slayer
Rating: PG-13 for dragon slaying
Warning: meta, first person, some dragons were harmed
Disclaimer: HP belongs to Rowling, dragons belong to everybody, and the song used toward the end isn’t mine. It’s from Merrie England, by Basil Hood and Edward German. I have no idea how appropriate it is to use it as a quote, but hey, the copyright is up, and I’d’ve treated it like an epigraph, if this was longer.
Summary: Ginny Weasley slays the fuck out of some dragons.

A/N: 1. See above for important note about the song!

2. alaana_fair had this dream about a dragon killing Charlie. And at the time, quinara was asking, “Where’s the dragonfic meme?” and I was all, it’s here!. Then I started thinking about Ginny Weasley and the treatment of her agency in HP and girls and dragons, and then someone asked, Why do you care about Ginny Weasley? This is why. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a year and a half.

( Ginny Weasley: Dragon Slayer )

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fic: The Eight Tale (h/d)

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 20:12:34 GMT

Title: The Eighth Tale
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: meta, sex, and sad (don’t say I didn’t warn you)
Summary: Draco Malfoy tries to fix the past, but instead mucks it up some more. For Harry, it all becomes quite clear.
A/N: Hahaha so, snickfic and shipsharry, if you end up reading this (don’t feel obliged), I bet you can guess what SPN author I was reading when I started this (thus the abuse of parentheticals). I’m so easily influenced.

I wrote this for curiouslyfic’s not-fic-athon. At more than ten thousand words, you might be saying, “That’s a fic!” However, you might also be glad I saved you the 70,000 words of meta, sex, and sad that would have happened had I wrote the “actual” fic.

The Eight Tale

There is a tale between every event that occurs, and a tale between written words. There is a tale whose ending isn’t set, but that tale can’t be told.

( It hasn’t happened yet. )

*

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FIC: The Way Down - 9/9 (end)

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 01:47:39 GMT

Title: The Way Down
Rating: this chapter, pg
Length: this chapter, 4.6K; whole fic: 70,000
Warnings: sex
Characters: Harry/Draco, past Harry/Ginny
Epilogue: not epilogue compliant
Summary: Malfoy’s all, “Come out of there,” the way you say to a cat who is badly behaved. And Harry’s all like, “No, what, I’m a hermit! And I have a chest-monster! And I am crazy magically powerful!” and Malfoy’s all, “We all have problems, bub.” (thoughtfully) “You are crazy though. I’ll give you that.”
A/N: Well, I finally posted it all. Thank you so, so much to everyone who helped me with this, including alaana_fair, kjp_013, lusiology, fat_teaspoon, bowdlerized, RR, and most of all, scabbyfish. I miss you, hon.

Thanks also to everyone who waited so long.

Go to: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

( Chapter 9 (end) )

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FIC: The Way Down - 8/9

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 01:34:11 GMT

Title: The Way Down
Rating: this chapter, pg
Length: this chapter, 7.5K
Warnings: sex
Characters: Harry/Draco, past Harry/Ginny
Epilogue: not epilogue compliant
Summary: Malfoy’s all, “Come out of there,” the way you say to a cat who is badly behaved. And Harry’s all like, “No, what, I’m a hermit! And I have a chest-monster! And I am crazy magically powerful!” and Malfoy’s all, “We all have problems, bub.” (thoughtfully) “You are crazy though. I’ll give you that.”
A/N: I finished this last year, but felt something was wrong with the ending. Since then, kjp_013 (I think? It's been a really long time!) and bowdlerized and a friend, R, have all looked over it and offered various comments. Thanks so much to all of you.

Go to: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

( Chapter 8 )

Go to: Chapter 9

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FIC: The Pure and Simple Truth, part 9

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 02:25:22 GMT

Author: lettered
Title: The Pure and Simple Truth
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, but this fic might as well be gen. Besides Harry and Draco, mostly canon pairings
Rating: PG
Warnings: No porn. No plot. No, really!
Summary: Harry, Draco, and Hermione go to a pub. Harry, Draco, and Pansy go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Pansy, and Hermione go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Hermione and Ron go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Pansy―you guessed it―go to a pub. I could go on. In fact, I did. Harry, Draco, Hermione, Pansy, Ron, Blaise, Luna, Goyle, Neville, and Theodore Nott go to a pub. In various combinations.
Word Count: 70,000 It happened by accident.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, in case you didn’t know, and talekayler wrote Nunquam Securus

Previous

( The Pure and Simple Truth )

*

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FIC: The Pure and Simple Truth, part 8

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 02:24:34 GMT

FIC: The Pure and Simple Truth, part 7

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 00:21:36 GMT

FIC: The Pure and Simple Truth, part 6

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 00:20:23 GMT