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Fandom is SRS, guys
When I write, I do it because something in my gut needs to say something. Often with fanfic, it's saying, "I need to get these characters together!" or "I need to see what happens next!" But whatever the need is, I always get to a point in the writing where I start thinking about it. Lots of time the thinky thoughts--analysis of the need, thoughts about why this should exist, ideas about purpose--stymie my process. I suddenly have to rehaul everything I've written, because it's become more. It's not just my need to fulfill intensely personal desires any more, it is a need to say something about universal desire, about our world and myself.
To put it in fanfic terms, I start out writing crack. Then I get caught up in meta. Sometimes I start over so I can just write more crack. Sometimes I start over and just write meta. In rare instances I keep what I have and manage to turn the crack into something meta.
I've often been frustrated by this meta impulse when it comes to fanfic. It is for some people, but for me, fanfic is not that much SRS BIZNESS. It's a chance to satisfy crack impulses, which often involve porn, while my higher brain can be engaged in say, writing original fic. But that's never actually true. Fanfic always turns into SRS BIZNESS for me, whether I like it or not. As I said in my rec of One Thousand Kisses Deep by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
seraphcelene, the thinkyness is fun. Fandom isn't always just about getting off; it's about analysis and our need to express our own thoughts on the thoughts of others that we consume.
I've been talking a lot tomy_daroga about this. We both feel we have Things To Say, which are thoughtful and important and could produce impressive works of well, art. But at the same time we're in this to get our rocks off--I don't even mean we're in it for the porn, but for those intensely personal needs I was talking about. It seems to me like we're both having difficulty reconciling that latter impulse with broader ideals. Which is interesting, because in the end both of these drives are still to satisfy ourselves.
So, has this ever happened to you? Start out writing "for funsies" and have it turn wicked serious? What did you do with that? Did you stop yourself from getting too serious because it's supposed to be "fun"? Or did you start something else that was more serious, or did you allow it to organically become serious? And what was your reaction to the fic changing on you like that? Is this something that only happens with fanfic? What are some links to fic you've written that turned serious somewhere in the process, and is the "transition" visible? Does it happen the other way around--you want to write something poetic and thinky, and it turns out a lark? AM I CRAZY?
To put it in fanfic terms, I start out writing crack. Then I get caught up in meta. Sometimes I start over so I can just write more crack. Sometimes I start over and just write meta. In rare instances I keep what I have and manage to turn the crack into something meta.
I've often been frustrated by this meta impulse when it comes to fanfic. It is for some people, but for me, fanfic is not that much SRS BIZNESS. It's a chance to satisfy crack impulses, which often involve porn, while my higher brain can be engaged in say, writing original fic. But that's never actually true. Fanfic always turns into SRS BIZNESS for me, whether I like it or not. As I said in my rec of One Thousand Kisses Deep by
seraphcelene, the thinkyness is fun. Fandom isn't always just about getting off; it's about analysis and our need to express our own thoughts on the thoughts of others that we consume. I've been talking a lot to
my_daroga about this. We both feel we have Things To Say, which are thoughtful and important and could produce impressive works of well, art. But at the same time we're in this to get our rocks off--I don't even mean we're in it for the porn, but for those intensely personal needs I was talking about. It seems to me like we're both having difficulty reconciling that latter impulse with broader ideals. Which is interesting, because in the end both of these drives are still to satisfy ourselves. So, has this ever happened to you? Start out writing "for funsies" and have it turn wicked serious? What did you do with that? Did you stop yourself from getting too serious because it's supposed to be "fun"? Or did you start something else that was more serious, or did you allow it to organically become serious? And what was your reaction to the fic changing on you like that? Is this something that only happens with fanfic? What are some links to fic you've written that turned serious somewhere in the process, and is the "transition" visible? Does it happen the other way around--you want to write something poetic and thinky, and it turns out a lark? AM I CRAZY?
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And I tend to agree--though I don't usually write anything cracky that ~isn't also serious (see Deathmask), I do tend to write fanfic, on the rare instances I do so, "just for me" so I don't pay a whole lot of attention to whether or not something makes sense in the universe. Except then someone else reads it and whether or not they like it, I start to think, well I'd better shape this up and do it proper-like. But then what usually happens is I stop writing the thing altogether... (again, see Deathmask XD)
PS--can I quote a portion of this, about the being frustrated by meta impulse, in my D9 FicComm?
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Well, most the "crack" stuff I write, I tend to still try to be in character and have it make sense. Though E, I totally just wrote Spock of Green Gables. PAY NO MIND. But I mean the stuff I do "just for fun" isn't completely mindless. Still, it doesn't have much philosophical in it.
That's interesting about the meta impulse kicking in when you think someone is looking at it. I've had it kick in when I'm writing stuff for myself, but then, yeah, I'm not worried about making the meta "fit" as much, I don't think. But sometimes I do get so overwhelmed even when it's just for me that I stop writing it and go do something else. I can't figure out whether that's because I secretly suspect myself of wanting to publish even things that are *supposed* to be for myself. Um. Sorry to whine at you! Why are we so angsty?
OMG I love your icon.
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Thanks! about the icon--it's a jokey thing that I use in my D9 Comm. Which is District 9, which is that aliens in a slum movie that came out a couple weeks ago and that I love so so so so so much just because, even though it's just a big allagory for the aparthied in South Africa...I don't care. I love it on a scifi nerd level.
And see, the aliens are called "prawns" in a derogatory manner, and a lot of the fic in my FicComm, is of course, prawn pr0n, so I made a "Hardcore prWns" icon to be funny and clever, and then I tripped off to write my own fic, which is surprisingly (even to me) not porny.
Ahem. Anyway.
I miss you guys! <3