Hi. I saw this recced on A2ZMom's journal so I came over and gave it a go even though I *technically* don't read WIPs. Because of the whole addiction and need-a-"fix" problem.
You have a really great story on your hands. I love that I can't see where it is going, that you are incorporating so much canon into a story that has a *huge* canon "change" and I feel like you are pacing the story well.
If I could make one suggestion for improvement, though, it is that you fact-check your NY information a bit. As a New York-residing reader, it has been really distracting to read things that just aren't possible or logical. If you'd like, I can email you the things that are wrong with suggestions on how to make them track with reality; if that's not your bag, I'll go away! But I think this story is really good and, to me, the wrongness of NY is almost a deal-breaker for me. Which sucks because I think you are a good writer!
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You have a really great story on your hands. I love that I can't see where it is going, that you are incorporating so much canon into a story that has a *huge* canon "change" and I feel like you are pacing the story well.
If I could make one suggestion for improvement, though, it is that you fact-check your NY information a bit. As a New York-residing reader, it has been really distracting to read things that just aren't possible or logical. If you'd like, I can email you the things that are wrong with suggestions on how to make them track with reality; if that's not your bag, I'll go away! But I think this story is really good and, to me, the wrongness of NY is almost a deal-breaker for me. Which sucks because I think you are a good writer!
Let me know and take care.