my_daroga: Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia (lawrence)
my_daroga ([personal profile] my_daroga) wrote in [personal profile] lettered 2006-03-01 10:08 pm (UTC)

he waits to be hips to fill another man’s hands

Ooh, nice. Once again, very dense. The kind of thing I recognize myself as liking, but perhaps not enjoying quite as much as a good meaty chunk of PLOT. But nevertheless, artfully done. I love the way you've chopped up your references and rhymes; the tangled expectation on behalf of the reader. There are more examples of this, but here's one:
The world is your cunt is an alley, rainy and dark; his dick was his -and-take is your stake; your child is your give-and- your final climax.
The way "give and take", introduced earlier, is repeated but garbled.

Especially liked flow of:
Mummy liked you when you ran, and Daddy liked you when you fought—now Mummy wants to fuck you, and Daddy wants to watch. Home again home again, jiggety jig. You were a little fishy, but now you are big.

I will have to read this over, sometime. It is difficult for me to really love imagery--I'm much more of a dialogue/character person (as I secretly suspect most of us are). But it's lovely to have to change one's pace at times, and the insertion of dialogue here was a nice break up as well.

But like others have said, I don't know what it is, exactly. Not that I need to.

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