What you SHOULD do is get a REAL boy, and ask him about his granny until he starts wailing and crying of his own free will, and then you can admire his pudgy red face with impunity. Or lots and lots of punity because you made him cry, but who cares if you lock him in the closet?

OR you could find a child and shrink him down to pint-size, and place him on the shelf of your teats, (it catches the crumbs that tumble when I'm eating, so he'll have plenty of nourishment) and give him a ride.

OR: ELEPHANT BALLS.