I get what you're saying. The metaphors in this piece, except for the book and the lines=alleys (the two you picked out), are outside this fic. They have nothing to do with what's going on, which is kind of the bizarre thing I said might not really work in prose at all.
I wrote this piece months ago, so though I always try to think about metaphor the way I described it wasn't explicit and in the front of my mind, but even without that post at the front of your mind, I can see why you'd feel some of this was trying too hard. I'm not going to go into a long explanation about my mindset, but I was trying to approach writing this from a different angle (nothing to dod with the metaphors, just the *way* I sat down and wrote it, so I really, really appreciate your input here because it gives me a good way to evaluate how that approach worked for me, you know? So thanks!
And I'm glad parts of it worked for you and that you liked the ideas. Thank you so much for your opinions--I value them a lot!
OMG I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
I wrote this piece months ago, so though I always try to think about metaphor the way I described it wasn't explicit and in the front of my mind, but even without that post at the front of your mind, I can see why you'd feel some of this was trying too hard. I'm not going to go into a long explanation about my mindset, but I was trying to approach writing this from a different angle (nothing to dod with the metaphors, just the *way* I sat down and wrote it, so I really, really appreciate your input here because it gives me a good way to evaluate how that approach worked for me, you know? So thanks!
And I'm glad parts of it worked for you and that you liked the ideas. Thank you so much for your opinions--I value them a lot!