How far do you take realism? Even in a story with vampires, you still want elements to be *real*.

Hmmm. I would say that I want it to be real in the sense that I want to believe that they are inhabiting the same universe that I am. I want to believe in and relate to the characters. I agree that fiction tends to be really stylized. When the stylized things are absent and stories are written to clearly reflect reality (overly realistic dialogue, etc) that seems like it would be much more noticeable to the reader and usually done to make a point about storytelling vs. real life. Of course, that doesn't really address the body language thing, which does seem overly stylized now that I'm thinking about it, but I think that if it's done well, it's done so that the reader doesn't notice it. It was never something I thought about much until I realized how much I use it myself. I don't know. I'm with you, I think. I like it, but I think it's unlikely that people can read each other that well. We might get the basic idea, but probably not the details and nuances that fictional characters seem to be able to pick up. Which is what you said, so, yeah.

I wrote a Buffy/Angel fic about teeth brushing and vacumming and eating and driving and sleeping and laundry, everything ordinary I can think of

Link? ;)