Lawrence of Arabia strikes again

[lettered]

So today we went to see Lawrence of Arabia. First time I saw this was on a small screen, and I thought it was okay but had a lot of sand and camels. Then I saw it on a big screen and I understood it better. I've seen it three or more times since then and always enjoy it more each time.

Today was a big hassle because there was a lot of traffic, weird timing things, hard parking, too much driving, and my tabs are expired. I also had cramps and sort of just didn't want to go, but I just kept reminding myself, "It has to be on a big screen, and it comes to a big screen rarely; you like it every time you see it."

So at last we all get there and the overture starts, and I think, "Ah, yes, this movie is so good!"

Then there's that first Ali and Lawrence scene, and I think, "Ah yes, I forgot how much I like everyone. Also that was sort of hot."

Then Omar Sharif starts, I don't know, doing things and it is like my soul is slowly be crushed and it's hard to breathe because he is way, way too beautiful, his clothes are too beautiful, his eyes are too beautiful, and he is so in love with Lawrence, and oh God, Lawrence is too beautiful; I'm not talking about O'Toole here (though he's totally beautiful), but what the fuck T. E. Lawrence; this is the saddest most fucked up guy in all of existence, and this here is the saddest, most fucked up situation in all of existence, and it's still fucked up; wow, the whole world is really fucked up; I can't even deal with any of it. It's not so much that I enjoy this movie; anything about this subject matter would be really painful and difficult; it's that it's a good movie in a literary way--it has arcs--but they're based on real events; it has characters--but they're based on real people; it's entertaining, and that makes it the worst. The absolute worst.

Comments

[margrave]

EXACTLY! ALL THE FEELS! It is worse when you consider Lawrence' fate, and just so many things about the film broke me, and then I read 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom' at 14, and it was the fucking worst. Because it was beautiful and brutal, and the world is built on broken dreams of its dreamers, and all is beautiful despair!!!!

[lettered]

I haven't read Seven Pillars. But yeah. A big part of the problem is there continues to be a really big problem with the West's relation to that area, and it's very real and very complicated, and I feel very guilty getting so worked up about this movie that does treat it as real but also treats it as a story. But I can't help it. And when it comes to Lawrence himself I can't help but, I don't know, feel overwhelmed and obsessed and like I want to make things up about him, which just feels wrong.

[margrave]

I watched the film when I was 10 not knowing it was based on real people and events (grew up in China till 9, had very limited knowledge of Western history), and I made up all these things in my head of what happened after the film, and it was all very childish and happy, and so much about the desert and the things Lawrence loved and hated, and I just wanted something happy (and yeah, everything looked so exotic, the deserts, people with different skin colour and cultures, and Lawrence with his amazing blue eyes.).

And then I read up on Lawrence when I was 13, and it was, I can't even describe to you what I felt. It was just so horrible. Because I enjoyed the tragedy of Lawrence, and enjoyed it, but then to find out it was based on the truth, and feeling guilty and strange because Lawrence is real, and I made up ALL these things about him and yeah. It took over a decade before I started reading fics about him, because I'm going to hell anyway. But yes, I understand the pain.

I'm gonna now order the movie on blu-ray.

[lettered]

Because I enjoyed the tragedy of Lawrence, and enjoyed it, but then to find out it was based on the truth, and feeling guilty and strange because Lawrence is real,

Exactly! And I'm alright with RPS in general. As long as you don't go shoving your fic about a real person in that person's face, I'm generally alright with it. But there's something about thinking and feeling this way about Lawrence that feels wrong to me. And I'll totally read fic (I want ALL the Lawrence/Ali) but it's disturbing.

Anyway I'm so glad you understand. And that you read fic anyway :o)

[margrave]

And being so ignorant of the cultural context back then, and cringing as an adult about how ignorant I was (and probably am), because in my head I can't but help romanticise Lawrence and the Arab War. In a lots of ways I separate them in boxes; fictional Lawrence is OK to fantasize, real Lawrence stay away.

[cordialcount]

I've never seen this film, but the sentiment-- and the flow from "it can't be quite as good as I remember, maybe it's not worth it" to "oh hey, it's good" to "oh hey, I remember why it's good" to "[desire to keysmash]" is exhilaratingly familiar. Are there other canons that trigger the same reaction for you?

[lettered]

Sure, there are other canons that make me feel this way. However, few canons have the complication of being about something that is very real and very problematic in the world today.

[watersword]

Oh GOD I KNOW ACTUAL WORRRRRST.

[lettered]

The worst.