Goblet of Fire

[lettered]

I love these letters!

Dear 20-Something Female HP Fans,

I am a fan. I understand the need to dress up. I understand the need to make something like this movie a memorable event in your life. I do not understand propositioning young boys, making them leave their seats to take pictures with you when they obviously do not want to, and petting and fawning them when they are obviously creeped out by you. Also, when you offer him Skittles cupped in your bare hand in exchange for him taking a picture with you, you look like an advertisement against molestation.

--a fan

PS. I hate the fact that there was more than one of you, propositioning said boy on multiple occasions.

PPS. I particularly hated the one of you who had a squeaky voice.

*

Dear Daniel Radcliffe,

Thank you for acting this time. Now, will you please not take off your shirt for another thirty years? I assure you, by then, I might find you hot.

--someone too old for you, but not too old for a Fred/George sandwich, thank you

*

Dear Male HP Villains,

Fuck me?

Yours, &tc.

*

Dear God,

Please forgive me for shouting “kiddie porn!” when Cedric Diggory told Harry to take a bath and then looked him over with a significant expression. Please also forgive M. Newell for obliging my request in the next scene with Harry and Moaning Myrtle.

--me

P.S. Hail Mary!

*

Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber,

Please note Ralph Fiennes sans nose. If you must insist on giving the Phantom a nose so he can sing properly, please note Ralph Fiennes anyway. It is possibly to be ugly as all fuck, sick, death-like, gross, and Eeeeevil, and still be hot anyway. Just because you are Ralph Fiennes. In your slightly-zitty-in-one-corner face, Gerard Butler!

--a phan

*

Dear John Williams,

Did you die without me noticing? As much as I love Patrick Doyle, you have my heart. Especially if you really are dead.

--a necrophiliac

Comments

[violaclaire.livejournal.com]

You deserve chocolate-chip-extra-fudge brownies for this post.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

--someone too old for you, but not too old for a Fred/George sandwich, thank you You can be the mayo - I've already claimed mustard.

Dude. With the propositioning of little boys with Skittles. Seriously? O_O

[tkp.livejournal.com]

Ok, where are they?

;o)

[tkp.livejournal.com]

You can be the mayo - I've already claimed mustard.

You're kidding, right? I want to be the bread between two slabs of meat.

Ok, so they were propositioning him for pictures, not sex, but they made fans look bad. Dude, go home and write RPS about him if you think he looks just like Harry Potter. Write about how you shagged him silly in the middle of the cinema! But don't give him a hard time in person, especially when he's only eight.

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

The HP villians make me want to join the Dark Side. The kickass tattoo is also a part of it, but still...

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I wanted to see that tat on Snape. Sadness!

I like your icon.

[violaclaire.livejournal.com]

They're about 1500 miles away from where you are, so I'm eating them in your name.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

How considerate of you.

[margotlefaye.livejournal.com]

These were laugh-out-loud funny. I read them to my husband and child (she's 21, so, not a child to anyone but me) and they were highly appreciative. The missive to the villains alone was worth the price of admission, as it were.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

Ha! Why why why do Lucius, Snape, and freakin' Voldemort have to be the hotties?

[margotlefaye.livejournal.com]

Because evil has to be seductive. If it isn't tempting, resisting it is a no-brainer. When evil appeals, when there's a desire to join it, give in to it, surrender...that's when the true moral struggle begins.

All those interested in losing the moral struggle to Lucius Malfoy, say, YUM!

[tkp.livejournal.com]

You're totally right, except that in the books, neither Lucius or Voldemort seems seductive. Snape does (despite being ugly and having questionable personal hygeine habits, I find the descriptions of his voice and movements very sensual), and Snape is really the only villain who might actually be a good guy. There must be something seductive about Voldemort for so many people to be drawn to his cause, but JKR really hasn't delved into it. The movie does a better job. Just by casting Ralph Fiennes. *thud*

and YUM! The elder Malfoy can evil me up any time he wants.

[scifi-essie.livejournal.com]

Actually, JKR does say that Tom Riddle was strikingly gorgeous, and extremely charming. It's only when he starts dividing his soul and making hoarcruxes that he starts to transform into something repulsive. I always found Tom Riddle the most appealing and seductive characters in the book. And definitely the most terrifying.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

And I can see movie!Tom Riddle being sufficiently seductive to win people over to his cause.

But, as you say, once he divides his soul, and particularly after he lives half-dead for a decade or so, he becomes repulsive. That Voldemort is never described in a way that's the least bit appealing. And yet, said repulsive figure is played by someone I find very appealing in the movie. But yes, it does make sense, in a way, that Voldemort should have a certain seductive quality, because Tom Riddle was once so very . . . charming.

[zibbycomix.livejournal.com]

I loved reading these! =) You are hilarious, as always. =D