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Real Life Tales in La Vie De TKP!
Hi, I'm back from vacation in northern Michigan so now I'll be posting/commenting more. I'm glad so many of you folks had so much fun seeing each other at Writercon. And now some of you are seeing VK and I KNOW that's fun.
But for the past month I saw family. And I had fun. But sometimes, you get to missing fandom. Other times, I was so glad to be cut off from the computer and tv and telephone and even my car. But not my shower.
*
TKGranny: I can't go see that Pirates movie. I like the gender roles to be firm in a movie.
TKMe: Are you talking about Jonny Depp?
TKGranny: I like my men manly.
TKBrother1: You mean like John Wayne? But you know he often played a cowboy. And you know cowboys. What with the shiny buckles n' all.
TKMe: How 'bout Brokeback Mountain? The men in that were manly. Also, gay.
TKGranny: Pirates should be swash-buckling and brave.
TKS-i-l: (exasperated) Cut them some slack! They can't all be Errol Flynne.
TKBrother1: And Errol Flynne had those tights.
*
This is my Granny's house.
*
So, we went to go see The Devil Wears Prada instead. I thought Hathaway's character was a little dumb to not realize where her true interests lie (lied? LAID?), but TKFam was all like:
TKMom: Sacrifices have to be made for your career. You'd know that if you actually worked for a living.
Score one Mommy!
TKDad: Her friends weren't her friends. They were evil for not realizing she was doing what she had to.
TKMe: She lost her soul. Her friends helped her find it again.
TKDad: Her friends were Teh Evil. Her friends were Buffy's friends! When Buffy ran away and when she got back and they were all bitches. They weren't her friends at all.
TKMe: Okay. Buffy had to KILL Angel. Miss Hathaway had to wear Prada. Not seeing the parallel here.
*
Somewhere in there was Fourth of July, on which I got so drunk my cramps went away COMPLETELY. You have to get pretty drunk for that to happen. It was awful and yet, not painful, so all in all good. Or I'd think so if I remembered it.
*
There was also dune climbing. Yeah, that's me!
*
My uncle and two cousins came. Actually, another uncle and an aunt and another cousin came, but they're not a big deal. I mean, that sounds harsh, but you know how it is with cousins. Some you really jive with and with others you just try not to make eye contact. So anyway, Uncle Bill and cousins Sarah and Annalise, they rock. I used to spend summers with them when I was around 12-16. I watched Pokemon with them, got awakened by their Furbies in their bathrooms, got my hair pulled, told them my hairs were individuals with individual feelings, named 1000s of hairs, got freaked out by their neighbor Jackpot, rolled in the grass, played horses, scared them by being too convincing a T-rex chasing them, told one of them I wouldn't wipe her bottom for her and she could go potty by herself, stuff like that. Now they're all old and high schooly. It makes me sad.
*
TKS-i-l: Sometimes I feel bad for squarshing ants. And then I feel even worse when other ants come to bear away the dead body. I wonder if they do it out of a sense of brotherhood. I mean, 'cause if they're just going to eat him that's one thing, but if it's out of a sense of brotherhood, I'd feel even worse. But then I just squarsh those ants too so it's all good.
*
(reprise)
(Fred is my Granny's husband. He's like a Grandpa except he's a Fred.)
(My grandparents are old and kinda...set in their ways. Generally, they're nice to everyone, but they make me want to bang my head into a wall when they talk about certain things.)
TKGranny: I can't see the movie because that Jonny Depp guy walks like a fairy in it.
TKMe: A fairy? You mean with wings, perched cutely on the tip of a big, long, thick...tree branch?
TKFred: You mean he's queer.
TKGranny: He flits when he walks.
TKMe: He flits, he floats, he fleetly flees he flies?
TKFred: You mean he's queer.
TKGranny: It's not realistic. People would never follow him.
TKMe: People didn't follow him.
TKFred: You mean because he's queer.
TKGranny: You have to be manly to control other men.
TKMe: He didn't control other men.
TKFred: You mean manly like John Wayne?
TKGranny: Manliness is very persuasive.
TKMe: He did persuade those rum smugglers to help him escape when there was a mutiny and he got stranded on an island.
TKFred: The rum smugglers must've been queer.
TKMe: *does Jack Sparrow impression. Looks like Nathan Lane in Birdcage trying to be John Wayne.*
Conclusion: John Wayne and Jonny Depp are the same person. And they're both gay.
*
This was the lake I stayed at with my friends, where the 'rents have a cottage. Showing again because it's SO FREAKIN' PRETTY.
*
And there was swimming, lots of it, and more of that other stuff like campfires and hiking around and more swimming. Oh yeah, and ice cream! Cherry Republic has 14 flavors of cherry icecream. And there's another shop with like 30 flavors. One of them is play-dough flavored. I don't get it either.
*
Speaking of things I didn't get, and ice cream.
TKMe: So my friend said that no one would talk about Connor at that Buffy convention thing I told you about. That makes me sad.
TKDad: I'd think all the girls would want to talk about Connor.
TKMom: What the hell for?
TKDad: I bet all the teeny boppers have the hots for him.
TKMom: He's so girly looking. I like my men manly. (dude, like Granny like mother. Except not like me because somehow, I got the hots for Connor.)
TKDad: Manly like me!
TKMom: You have ice cream on your belly.
*
And then Mom and I drove 2 days home. That was...two days ago! We listened to a book by Amy Tan, and it was the best one out of the other crap ones, though it wasn't the best book ever. I learned things about Burma. Then I forgot them. Tan read. She has a great voice. We passed Jericho. We drove through Moscow. We had Dairy Queen because you can't take a roadtrip through the south without DQ. It rained a lot and was hard to see. At one gas station I was so tired I read a license plate that said "Oklahoma" and I thought, "hey, we're in Oklahoma? I could go see Sue!" and then we didn't, because we weren't actually in Oklahoma, duh. We also didn't see Elvis in Memphis, or my old room mate. Then we got another book tape at a Cracker Barrel and it was bloody awful:
BookTape: She put her hands under his--*skip*--He thrust hard into--*skip*--she touched the engorged head of his--*skip*--he cried out in ecstasy as she--*skip*--hardening member--*skip*--cream of cum--*skip*
TKMom: *uncontrollable giggles*
TKMe: *more giggling* It said penis!
*
TKMom: Hey, guess what! When we get home, we can watch Buffy!
TKMe: We're on Angel now.
TKMom: Whatever, we can watch it!
*
Then we got home and I watched AtS with her.
That's the end of my Michigan adventures. Sad to be gone, and glad to be back. I hope you all have been interesting while I was (mostly) away, instead of those boring posts you like to do about your grandmother's corns. So, hi!
But for the past month I saw family. And I had fun. But sometimes, you get to missing fandom. Other times, I was so glad to be cut off from the computer and tv and telephone and even my car. But not my shower.
*
TKGranny: I can't go see that Pirates movie. I like the gender roles to be firm in a movie.
TKMe: Are you talking about Jonny Depp?
TKGranny: I like my men manly.
TKBrother1: You mean like John Wayne? But you know he often played a cowboy. And you know cowboys. What with the shiny buckles n' all.
TKMe: How 'bout Brokeback Mountain? The men in that were manly. Also, gay.
TKGranny: Pirates should be swash-buckling and brave.
TKS-i-l: (exasperated) Cut them some slack! They can't all be Errol Flynne.
TKBrother1: And Errol Flynne had those tights.
*
This is my Granny's house.
*
So, we went to go see The Devil Wears Prada instead. I thought Hathaway's character was a little dumb to not realize where her true interests lie (lied? LAID?), but TKFam was all like:
TKMom: Sacrifices have to be made for your career. You'd know that if you actually worked for a living.
Score one Mommy!
TKDad: Her friends weren't her friends. They were evil for not realizing she was doing what she had to.
TKMe: She lost her soul. Her friends helped her find it again.
TKDad: Her friends were Teh Evil. Her friends were Buffy's friends! When Buffy ran away and when she got back and they were all bitches. They weren't her friends at all.
TKMe: Okay. Buffy had to KILL Angel. Miss Hathaway had to wear Prada. Not seeing the parallel here.
*
Somewhere in there was Fourth of July, on which I got so drunk my cramps went away COMPLETELY. You have to get pretty drunk for that to happen. It was awful and yet, not painful, so all in all good. Or I'd think so if I remembered it.
*
There was also dune climbing. Yeah, that's me!
*
My uncle and two cousins came. Actually, another uncle and an aunt and another cousin came, but they're not a big deal. I mean, that sounds harsh, but you know how it is with cousins. Some you really jive with and with others you just try not to make eye contact. So anyway, Uncle Bill and cousins Sarah and Annalise, they rock. I used to spend summers with them when I was around 12-16. I watched Pokemon with them, got awakened by their Furbies in their bathrooms, got my hair pulled, told them my hairs were individuals with individual feelings, named 1000s of hairs, got freaked out by their neighbor Jackpot, rolled in the grass, played horses, scared them by being too convincing a T-rex chasing them, told one of them I wouldn't wipe her bottom for her and she could go potty by herself, stuff like that. Now they're all old and high schooly. It makes me sad.
*
TKS-i-l: Sometimes I feel bad for squarshing ants. And then I feel even worse when other ants come to bear away the dead body. I wonder if they do it out of a sense of brotherhood. I mean, 'cause if they're just going to eat him that's one thing, but if it's out of a sense of brotherhood, I'd feel even worse. But then I just squarsh those ants too so it's all good.
*
(reprise)
(Fred is my Granny's husband. He's like a Grandpa except he's a Fred.)
(My grandparents are old and kinda...set in their ways. Generally, they're nice to everyone, but they make me want to bang my head into a wall when they talk about certain things.)
TKGranny: I can't see the movie because that Jonny Depp guy walks like a fairy in it.
TKMe: A fairy? You mean with wings, perched cutely on the tip of a big, long, thick...tree branch?
TKFred: You mean he's queer.
TKGranny: He flits when he walks.
TKMe: He flits, he floats, he fleetly flees he flies?
TKFred: You mean he's queer.
TKGranny: It's not realistic. People would never follow him.
TKMe: People didn't follow him.
TKFred: You mean because he's queer.
TKGranny: You have to be manly to control other men.
TKMe: He didn't control other men.
TKFred: You mean manly like John Wayne?
TKGranny: Manliness is very persuasive.
TKMe: He did persuade those rum smugglers to help him escape when there was a mutiny and he got stranded on an island.
TKFred: The rum smugglers must've been queer.
TKMe: *does Jack Sparrow impression. Looks like Nathan Lane in Birdcage trying to be John Wayne.*
Conclusion: John Wayne and Jonny Depp are the same person. And they're both gay.
*
This was the lake I stayed at with my friends, where the 'rents have a cottage. Showing again because it's SO FREAKIN' PRETTY.
*
And there was swimming, lots of it, and more of that other stuff like campfires and hiking around and more swimming. Oh yeah, and ice cream! Cherry Republic has 14 flavors of cherry icecream. And there's another shop with like 30 flavors. One of them is play-dough flavored. I don't get it either.
*
Speaking of things I didn't get, and ice cream.
TKMe: So my friend said that no one would talk about Connor at that Buffy convention thing I told you about. That makes me sad.
TKDad: I'd think all the girls would want to talk about Connor.
TKMom: What the hell for?
TKDad: I bet all the teeny boppers have the hots for him.
TKMom: He's so girly looking. I like my men manly. (dude, like Granny like mother. Except not like me because somehow, I got the hots for Connor.)
TKDad: Manly like me!
TKMom: You have ice cream on your belly.
*
And then Mom and I drove 2 days home. That was...two days ago! We listened to a book by Amy Tan, and it was the best one out of the other crap ones, though it wasn't the best book ever. I learned things about Burma. Then I forgot them. Tan read. She has a great voice. We passed Jericho. We drove through Moscow. We had Dairy Queen because you can't take a roadtrip through the south without DQ. It rained a lot and was hard to see. At one gas station I was so tired I read a license plate that said "Oklahoma" and I thought, "hey, we're in Oklahoma? I could go see Sue!" and then we didn't, because we weren't actually in Oklahoma, duh. We also didn't see Elvis in Memphis, or my old room mate. Then we got another book tape at a Cracker Barrel and it was bloody awful:
BookTape: She put her hands under his--*skip*--He thrust hard into--*skip*--she touched the engorged head of his--*skip*--he cried out in ecstasy as she--*skip*--hardening member--*skip*--cream of cum--*skip*
TKMom: *uncontrollable giggles*
TKMe: *more giggling* It said penis!
*
TKMom: Hey, guess what! When we get home, we can watch Buffy!
TKMe: We're on Angel now.
TKMom: Whatever, we can watch it!
*
Then we got home and I watched AtS with her.
That's the end of my Michigan adventures. Sad to be gone, and glad to be back. I hope you all have been interesting while I was (mostly) away, instead of those boring posts you like to do about your grandmother's corns. So, hi!