lettered: (Default)
It's Lion Turtles all the way down ([personal profile] lettered) wrote2006-09-09 07:09 pm

FIC: In The Name Of The Father

I don't know where it came from! But I have fic.

Title: In The Name Of The Father
Length: only 1,000 words!
Rating: light R
Disclaimers: Whedon's, M.E.'s, Francis P. Church's, J.M. Berrie's, Sophocles', and that movie with Daniel Day Lewis.
Warnings: language, sex
Summary: For Wesley, it always comes back to the same thing. Wesley/everyone.



X
Cordelia was outside the box. Sure, she was something from inside naughty magazines, something shoved inside the crack between mattress and bed-boards of boys, but that was just it. A bosom that fantastic was something outside of school life, and getting in her was getting out there, and that was Wesley’s first thought. Finally did something right, laying eyes on her.

Two words. Jail. Bait.

Then again, like always, something not so right. Instead she was something inside, deep inside, the place he didn’t like to go. The place where the young ones lived.

And Giles watched on in judgment.



X
Faith was disappointing. Sitting astride him, said his wounds brought out her inner mother. Mentored him next in torture, as if he hadn’t learned that in the lap with pat-a-cake. She confused maiming/impalement classifications. Disappointing.

Brought out the daughter in her, because she asked what would happen if Giles’d been her Watcher. Brought out her Elektra, because of how she fondled him. Confusing division of mother/daughter/lover.

Unlike torture subgroups, this confused Wes as well. He was her son/lover/his own father: “Just one thing to remember,” he tells her. “You are a piece of sh—”

Faith cuts him off. Disappointing.



X
Virginia Bryce was just the sort of Virginia who inspired editors to write, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”

Her father had her on house arrest for twenty years. If that’s not the same as being trapped down below for twenty hours, next her father tried to kill her, and that mirrors a place in Wesley. Children, trapped deep inside.

No surprise she wanted him when he gifted her with freedom. Also no surprise that when he got shot, it “got too real,” and she left him. In that place. Alone.

Father Christmas doesn’t get shot, see. He’s invincible.



X
Angel was fucking him over the desk.

Wesley was a success. Head of the house. Found a way to Pylea for Cordelia—sister. Gunn, brother. Angel . . .

Gentle hands tightened, heavy at Wesley’s neck, hard to breathe. “Wes, do what you need.”

It only took one phonecall home to take him down. “Please.”

Angel pinned Wesley’s hands down, cruel now. “No. No ‘please.’” Dry voice in his ear, deep cock inside hitting—the right—place—“Do what I tell you, hear? Let it go. Now.”

A wracking sob. “Angel, anything, make you proud, please, proud—Father—Papa—”



X
Justine was familyless, but she found it again in Holtz. He was her father/lover/sister—Wesley could recognize the confusion in her eyes, and the censure in Holtz’s. Disappointing.

So when Justine came to Wesley, beaten, telling him Holtz had done it, he saw a sister in her. That was how she managed to betray him. She found his place. Where the young ones were. What a father can do. The deepness of the well.

So far down that though she took Connor, Wes was still with Angel’s son, always. Falling. No family to save you, falling farther, farther into hell.



X
Lilah was for Wesley’s first time, a grown woman. Legal, in more ways than one, and resigned that Santa was supposed to be your parents. She was Wendy, who, on that final night with Peter, found she couldn’t go to that place again.

Lilah silenced the screams inside, used the bodies to pave herself over . Her ambition was to walk on solid ground, to neither fall nor fly.

But it was a lie. Somewhere inside her, Lilah still believed, and Wesley made her believe it. That is why for him, just him, she put on glasses and played dress-up.



X
Angelus was inside, deeper than magazines, mattresses, bed-boards, deeper even than naughty nightmares that drenched mattresses and creaked bed-boards with midnight strokings.

Sometimes Wesley thought he drew him out of the sea just to get him inside, just so with those fangs Wes could finally reach out (wrist first) for release. Not from blood, nor from come. From life, because Angelus existed outside life, and could get Wes out too.

Didn’t happen. That time, Angel was inside.

So when Angelus did get out, the place in Wesley, at the bottom of his deepest well, hoped Angelus would get inside again.



X
Roger wasn’t real. He was a robot. Which made sense when you thought about it, Wesley concluded later, when he was cleaning the gun he’d used to shoot him.

The actual Roger wasn’t the real Roger either. Twenty hours, after all, isn’t really an attempt to kill you. Neither is, “name the ways to break a man, fast as you can.” Memories of childhood are as fake as Connor’s non-childhood. But if he knew anything, Wesley knew there was only one thing to remember. This time, Faith wasn’t there to cut him off.

Fathers don’t get shot, see. They’re invincible.



X
Connor wasn’t dressed in skins any more. Was never played by a woman, never never lived in the land where you never grew up. Wasn’t an orphan, six fathers and mothers too many. Wesley wished he could save him.

“Steal me away?” Connor repeated after Wesley, when Wesley came to him. Connor thought, then laid down his pen.

Later, when they were kissing, Wesley’s hand hooking Connor to him and time ticking away, the boy, breathless, whispered, “Strange. Always thought I—. . .wanted—older women.”

“I’ve always preferred—the young ones.”

And Connor was the youngest one of all.



X
Fred was with her parents, laughing, when Wesley realized, more than wanting her, he’d wanted to be her. Her utter lack of fantastic bosom put him in school life, and for once he didn’t want to get out. Wanted to get inside, not just her sex, but all of her.

Something else got inside first. Staring at that Fred-skin, Wesley recognized himself more in Illyria than he ever had in Fred. Ancient ones. Ones who’d lost their kingdoms, worshippers—homes, families. Sure, Fred had Lost Boy’ed it in Pylea, but Illyria and Wesley shared the same place. The deeper well.
ext_7262: (apollo_pretty by newkidfan)

[identity profile] femmenerd.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
I know where it came from--the deep well of twisted familial relations in the Jossverse. :P

Fathers don’t get shot, see. They’re invincible.

That line made me gasp a bit, 'cause you really built up to it brilliantly.

And the whole Fred/Illyria one was great--a good place to end, because it sums up Wes's longing and guilt.

[identity profile] chrisleeoctaves.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
There's a lovely symmetry in these. I like how certain moments repeat themselves...this
Sure, she was something from inside naughty magazines, something shoved inside the crack between mattress and bed-boards of boys, but that was just it.
echoes this: Angelus was inside, deeper than magazines, mattresses, bed-boards, deeper even than naughty nightmares that drenched mattresses and creaked bed-boards with midnight strokings.


I liked how how each and every one of these shows Wes in isolation.

I liked this:Fathers don’t get shot, see. They’re invincible.

and this Sometimes Wesley thought he drew him out of the sea just to get him inside, just so with those fangs Wes could finally reach out (wrist first) for release. Not from blood, nor from come. From life, because Angelus existed outside life, and could get Wes out too

Very clever and lots of great twisty-turny prose, too.

[identity profile] alizarin-nyc.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. Just wow. Gut-wrenchingly real and drenched in beautiful angsty hurtyness.

Angelus was inside, deeper than magazines, mattresses, bed-boards, deeper even than naughty nightmares that drenched mattresses and creaked bed-boards with midnight strokings.

That is a most gorgeous sentence!

Again, wow.

(Anonymous) 2006-09-10 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, gods, but this broke me; broke my heart, broke my....just broke me.

This, tkp, took my breath away. at every. single. X.

[identity profile] ely-jan.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 08:25 am (UTC)(link)
Stunning from first to last, not just flashbulb frozen moments in Wesley's life, his consciousness but all of them. Every one. Just loved it.

[identity profile] lostakasha.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, Joy. Times ten.

Each of these is amazing in its own right, a Wesley so dark and bound by his own twisted self-image that they really made me step back and see him. And the last one? YES YES YES he wanted to BE her ... and there will be coming, I hope, intelligent commenary on these from me later because they deserve that.

Amazing character study. Beautifully and freshly imagined.

[identity profile] semby.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. This was so twisted and gorgeous. I love all the mixed-up definitions of what each of them mean to him, and that you not only focus on him, but on their issues too and what he might mean to them.

And damn, Wesley's issues are hot.
lynnenne: (wes by maybedarkpink)

[personal profile] lynnenne 2006-09-10 03:11 pm (UTC)(link)
This is absolutely amazing, darling. I love the intricacy of it, the way you weave phrases and motifs through each section to build a consistent tapestry of Wes's character. His longing for family (sisters, mothers, brothers); his fear of judgemental fathers (Giles, Angel, Roger); the abuse he suffered as a child, and the empathy he feels with other abused children (Virginia, Connor, Justine, Faith); and how, no matter how much he tries, he can never dig himself out of that well.

I love this decription of Cordelia:

she was something from inside naughty magazines, something shoved inside the crack between mattress and bed-boards of boys

and the way you echo it later with Angelus. I love the way you echo "Father Christmas doesn't get shot" with "Fathers don't get shot." And can I just say that this is one of THE best uses of "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" that I've ever read anywhere? Brilliant.

This part threw me a little: "Memories of childhood are as fake as Connor’s non-childhood," because at the point in canon where Wes shot his father ("Lineage"), he still didn't have his memories back. But that's just a niggling thing.

This line practically ripped my guts out:

Mentored him next in torture, as if he hadn’t learned that in the lap with pat-a-cake.

Oh. GOD. In that one sentence, you conjure up a whole childhood full of pain. I could quote other phrases, but I'd be practically quoting the whole thing. Beautifully done.

[identity profile] kcarolj65.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 03:37 pm (UTC)(link)
What a wonderful exploration of one of the most fascinating characters ever to appear on television. Wes is so broken, so flawed, still trying so hard until finally everything just ends for him with Fred's death.

That last paragraph is bleak, stunning, and so real. Awesome.

[identity profile] quicknow.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
This is fantastic. Stark and beautiful.
ext_1124: (wes_sepia by alizarene)

[identity profile] rainkatt.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not going to say anything intelligent here--just WOW, and this is so very good, and you've gotten inside Wes and his relationships so beautifully. Um... yes. ::loves::

(Anonymous) 2006-09-10 06:10 pm (UTC)(link)
the deep well of twisted familial relations

Yeah. It's cool.

Glad you liked it, thanks.

And you'll get your fic tonight--lots of stuff, but almost everything is very small.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
That was me. Just in case you thought it might be, I don't know, David Letterman.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
this
echoes this:


Glad you liked that. I didn't feel it worked when I wrote it--makes me happy you singled out that part in particular.

I liked how how each and every one of these shows Wes in isolation.

He makes me sad.

Thanks so much, Chris.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)
That is a most gorgeous sentence!

I had particular trouble with that sentence! So the fact that you singled it out is reassuring.

Glad you liked the fic--thanks for letting me know.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know who you are, but thank you!
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
It was amazing how so many characters and moments tied together so intricately, when I really started thinking about it. I'm glad it worked for you; thanks.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
,i>YES YES YES he wanted to BE her ...

Of all the people he wanted to bang (and there are a lot, because Wesley is such a horny boy), she was the only one with a happy family, good parents who loved her.

and there will be coming, I hope, intelligent commenary on these from me later because they deserve that.

Any discussion with you is always I pleasure. I really admire your character insights.

Thanks for your glorious fb!
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
but on their issues too and what he might mean to them.

Even though you never see it in canon, this is especially true of my!Lilah. I think she had a very similar childhood to Wesley--but Lilah went one way and Wes another.

And damn, Wesley's issues are hot.

I completely agree. Poor boy, I love to watch him suffer.

Thanks so much.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:12 pm (UTC)(link)
You have no idea what such nice comments from you mean to me!

and the way you echo it later with Angelus.

Several people mentioned that, and I'm so tickled by it because I thought it didn't work at all.

This part threw me a little:

It was supposed to be dramatic irony, the narrator stating what Wesley doesn't know, but that line sat wrong with me too. Not the least because the rhythm also doesn't flow on it.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm all glow-y!

ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:14 pm (UTC)(link)
the most fascinating characters ever to appear on television

Isn't he? I love him so damn much. I'm glad you felt the fic did him justice. And thanks.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked it, and thanks for stopping by to tell me.
ext_7189: (Default)

[identity profile] tkp.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you. So glad it worked for you.

And can I just say: the best thing about writing a fic about Wesley is how it makes people break out the hot Wes icons.

[identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com 2006-09-10 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I t's really hard for me to sum up how affecting this piece, so short but no words wasted.

You really capture Wes' need for an absolute truth, which of course he can never find.

But it was a lie. Somewhere inside her, Lilah still believed, and Wesley made her believe it. That is why for him, just him, she put on glasses and played dress-up.

Even Lilah betrays him in her willingness to pretend because she thinks that's what Wes wants.

And I love that's why he loves Fred - because her life is a complete lie (How could a hppy family be anything but) and Wes thinks if he can't have truth, he'll have the fairytale instead.

There's so much else here too - the myth of the father, but Wes keeps looking for it anyway, the abused becomming the abuser (And Connor was the youngest one of all.)

I am obviously incoherant and will stop now.
)
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (spike)

[personal profile] my_daroga 2006-09-10 08:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, I love it. I love the build-up; the Illyria portion was unexpected and hit me just right. Brilliant concept, executed consistently.

I like this, too:
She confused maiming/impalement classifications. Disappointing.

Dispassionate, hateful, and self-hating.

One thing I didn't "get" was Angel telling him to call him Papa--not in so many words, of course, but I guess I felt uncertain as to Angel's awareness of Wes's daddy issues.

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