"And what's this?" Spike asked, heavy weight on the last word, finger jabbing into Xander's rib for further emphasis.
See that, I think, is going to far. It still doesn't give "this" the punch you want it too, and when you have to begin specifying, drawing out specific words in dialogue, it ruins the most powerful thing dialogue has: it's the only thing in fiction that occurs in real time.
From Cordy's desk, the jelly donut she'd only half eaten oozed a sugary, artificial scent. The smell of burnt coffee made his nostrils itch.
What did I say about fic bits off the cuff? *applauds*
And the narrative would serve as thought.
Exactly--that is how I would do it. And I love when a minor detail can replace a thought. The tapping of a cigarette, the falling ash, the shadow of a cloud, a glimpse of red--vivid details can sometimes convey the thought or feeling with far more of a gut-punch than anything explicit, because then you don't know what hit you.
no subject
See that, I think, is going to far. It still doesn't give "this" the punch you want it too, and when you have to begin specifying, drawing out specific words in dialogue, it ruins the most powerful thing dialogue has: it's the only thing in fiction that occurs in real time.
From Cordy's desk, the jelly donut she'd only half eaten oozed a sugary, artificial scent. The smell of burnt coffee made his nostrils itch.
What did I say about fic bits off the cuff? *applauds*
And the narrative would serve as thought.
Exactly--that is how I would do it. And I love when a minor detail can replace a thought. The tapping of a cigarette, the falling ash, the shadow of a cloud, a glimpse of red--vivid details can sometimes convey the thought or feeling with far more of a gut-punch than anything explicit, because then you don't know what hit you.