LJ, Wonderful Boy And Girl Land

[lettered]

Just for the record, this journal is a public debate forum. It is not my semi-private space, unless I lock posts. It is not my personal area. It is not my home.

That said, I agree with this post, and others like it. The gist of it is that her journal is her semi-private space, it's her personal area, it's her home, and you best be careful of her feelings and courteous if you're a stranger just wandering in.

Sometimes I feel like lj is this big ole fair, with all these booths. I wander around, I buy cotton candy at some booths, I ride rides. I point and laugh at circus freaks; I look at other people's arts and crafts, whirly-gigs and do-dads; I even have my own booth. And then I wander in some booth and think about doing the shooting contest to win the prize bear, and find out I actually just wandered into a tent where some bum was living.

I'm not saying those who feel like their journals are their homes are crazy bums who have strange relationships with prize bears. I'm saying, you're shocked because I, a stranger, wandered into your home with muddy boots and demanded you make your beds differently, but I'm shocked because you're living on the fairground. We are moving about in two different spaces simultaneously, and all the laws of physics except maybe dimensional theory say that's impossible. But we do.

Personally, sometimes it frustrates and tires me out I have to stop at every tent and check if some bum is living in it. Dude, I just want to get my face painted, why can't you understand this is a free fun fairground where we get to ride a lot of ponies? But then I remember that to some people it's not, so ... I check. I'm careful in strangers' ljs when commenting, and I try not to tell them how I want it made when I realize they're making beds and not making giraffes out of balloons.

Yeah, it sucks, 'cause you're at the fair. But no matter how many sparkly tiaras you won at the weight-guessing booth, you're still over five years old (or else you wouldn't have been able to ride that tilt-o-whirl). And even at the fair, you've got to have some measure of decorum. You can't just tip your icecream cone over onto someone's head.

Or you totally can. But then you'll be a circus freak and I will point and laugh at you.

Comments

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

I kinda love you a lot.

And yeah, unless you lock your posts? You're on the internet. This is the equivalent of taking a out a HUGE BILLBOARD. Don't be shocked when a homeless guy camps under it.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Peepuhl shocked to discover the internets are public!

Film (of your mom and the dancing bear) at 11.

[stretfordditto.livejournal.com]

Lol. Funny post. Perceptive. I'm too smiley by far, it's probably very grating on peeps nerves, but I can't help it. I should change my username to candycane. I go over to Fandomwank and the like occasionally, but soon come back 'cos those peeps snark!

[ex-dovil323.livejournal.com]

I nod my head thoroughly in agreement, and as a crazy bum I'd camp under your internet site any time.

[lakrids404.livejournal.com]

Random man wander in.
He says something that sound like vaguely like german or dutch? "Hej, er det ok at jeg kigger lidt rundt omkring? der er så mange intresante ting her inde"
He looks like that he is waiting for a reply. When the reply does not come, he leaves.
You see that his boots, have left dirt marks on your carpet.

[liz-marcs.livejournal.com]

Hahah!

Oh yis. *nods*

I think the big problem is that people are thinking of LJ as a "semi-private" place. It's not. It's "semi-public," with accent on "public."

And locked posts are "private" only in as much as people on your FList honors the FLock. All it takes is one to open their mouths, and that FLock is pretty damn useless unless you switch it to private (and even then...there always the chance of a screen cap getting you).

I wonder how much of this discussion you're pointing to is a generational thing.

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Personally, I think you should behave in other people's journals because it's the mature and courteous thing to do, regardless of whether they think it's semi-private or not. Now by behave, I mean being polite and considerate, not necessarily being agreeable.

As for the assertion that an lj is semi-private? It's not. At all. Criticizng people who have the viewpoint that posting publicly is an invitation to respond honestly is unfair. Would I be okay with criticism of a mean post because it's immature and unkind? Yes, absolutely. Would I do the same if the owner of the lj argued they had a right to expect people to respond in agreement to everything they post publicly? No way. If you're concerned that someone is going to come in and harsh your squee, then you should limit sharing of said squee to an inner circle that you know and trust.

But since I do try to be considerate of other people's feelings, I'm going to limit this comment to your lj, where I'm pretty sure you won't take offense. At least, I hope not. :-)

[semby.livejournal.com]

I totally agree and I love the analogy!

I think I would be a little put off if some random stranger wandered onto my journal and started making aggressive, argumentative comments, but I'm aware that that's their right. If I didn't want people to argue with the stuff I said, I would just... not say stuff where people could see it.

[anelith.livejournal.com]

Your booth is one of the most fun at the fair. I love to come visit!

(I'm -- not quite sure what I'm doing in mine. Something rather dull. Probably not making beds, though.)

[i-palimpsest.livejournal.com]

Semi - private? Only if it's f-locked. Otherwise it's a great big bill board.

I am the only one who hates meeting someone in a community only to find they are f-locked?

Best one I ever had was a woman who came through a friend's f'list. She came to my journalto criticise my name!!!! Nothing more - I responded - she reiterated. I told her if she'd read my journal she'd know it had been addressed - but she had clearly just come there to be rude.
She said she liked being rude THEN SHE GOT PISSED WHEN I BANNED HER WTF????

I just told her that since she wasn't interested in me or my journal being banned from it shouldn't bother her - that she liked being rude; I don't like rude people - so stop posting anonamously.

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

I like the LJ-as-carnival analogy. Because many people come to carnival masked ...

I have been very lucky with my own LJ. If I make a post about some ideas, and people want to disagree, that's fine. I see my LJ as a place for fun and relaxation, to toss some ideas around, have a little virtual beer and pizza (or wine and brie, depending on the mood), and it's more fun when people have manners.

It's been my observation that these problems tend to come up when an LJ engages in "drama." People who like "drama" are attracted to others' "drama" - so once it gets started, it seems to snowball. If one wants a more fun environment, maybe the key is to not let the drama get started, so not to serve as a "drama magnet."

Interesting comments!

[chrisleeoctaves.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I am feeling a little dizzy because I just got off the Tilt-a-Wirl. What're you yakking about now?

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

It would never occur to me to be outright rude or even argumentative on someone's journal that I don't know.

I am aware that things can be taken out of context however, and if I think that's the case, I would try to explain myself better.

On my own journal, I don't care, I'm aware it's public. If you bother me too much, I'll ban you, that's all.

[lynnenne]

I want to draw little cotton candy hearts around your analogy.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I like your metaphor. And I kind of agree with you. Except for the part where I am argumentative and out of control sometimes.

[rahirah]

I think it's more like accidentally wandering into Serena the Tattooed Woman's private tent, which totally looks like the bear-shooting tent from the outside and does not have a large sign reading "WARNING: NAKED TATTOOED WOMAN INSIDE, ENTER AT OWN RISK!"

[midnightsjane.livejournal.com]

I love the analogy of LJ as carneval/fair. Really fits.
We all have to behave like polite human beings, so we don't pull the tents down around our ears.

[lostakasha.livejournal.com]

1) I stumbled into the "Do Booth Here" Booth.

2) Now I know why Boreanaz is afraid of fowl.

3) Your mind, I adore, and keep on wanting more.

[seraphcelene]

*squish*

You say it beautifully!! And I agree.

You would think people would be able to behave when around strangers, but I think that there's something about the internet being so inpersonal (as in I am not right there in your face) that seems to leave people with the idea that they can behave however they want with no regard to anyone else feelings or beliefs. Mud gets slung, feelings get hurt, people are rude and boorish because they don't have to look anyone in the eye while they do it. The disconnect between RL and LJ is astounding.

Anyway, I'm going home to sleep more.

I might be looking for a red dress this weekend. Just in case you were wondering.

[baffae.livejournal.com]

*nods*

If you are going to use LJ like a diary, it's important to realize that it's not locked up in a corner of your room where no one else can see it. If you are showing the entries to people and allowing them in to comment, you have to be willing to take the comments you get and welcome the people who stop by to read.

[zibbycomix.livejournal.com]

I love your analogy! And thanks for pointing me to kalpurna's post. =)