I feel threatened insofar as what my perception of fandom is. To me it's a place where you can explore things you can't elsewhere, through a medium that is safe, shared, insightful.

Yes. This, I agree with wholeheartedly; and what I think I'm waiting for is for the chips to fall and the lines to be drawn (if they are) and to know if such a space is real and available. Even if I become dissatisfied as a result of *your* dissatisfaction, it doesn't mean that if I leave, it will be all for you. If that makes sense. What I'm really trying to say is that you're experiencing me exploring this issue, so it might look like you're unduly influencing me; you're not.