I don't know if this will help in any way, shape or form, but myself and a good friend routinely use the mythos, "A moth in the ear is worse than having a baby." Which, after an unfortunate incident which I prefer not to dwell on, was expanded to include, "And what's worse than a moth in the ear? A bug in your pants."

You are not alone.

P.S. By "pants" I mean "knickers". FYI. *shudder*