Crack is not my strong point, I am warning you. Having said that ...

Adult Harry and Draco are marooned on a small island. There is only rum. Draco has been here before (different kind of Azkaban, if you want) and claims he escaped back then on his own. He tells Harry some silly, unbelievable tale. Together they figure out a way of escape. It can involve huge sea turtles. Or a bonfire lit by the rum. Or Harry (or Draco) being tracked by a spell. There needs not be pirates, but definitely hot, drunk sex in the sand.

And then I want to see this serious eight-year fic you are writing ...