lettered: (Default)
It's Lion Turtles all the way down ([personal profile] lettered) wrote2008-07-02 11:28 pm

Book Review: Twilight

So when I asked what books you were reading, I mentioned Twilight by Stephenie Meyer being amazing. And it is. [Yoda] It is. [/Yoda]

So I wrote a book review to share it with you all. I didn't actually finish the book review, because I was doing it at work and then even book reviewing got outlawed (counting rubberbands is still allowed!). Or perhaps it is . . . my style of book reviewing. Most things I do do require waving arms and--er, something I personally like to call vivacity, no matter what the people whispering behind their hands and looking at me strangely from the very farthest corner of the bus call it. Was it the "Everyone needs to see my book review for lo, I am genius!" part that got me in trouble?



Twilight: The Comic




In other news, last weekend I was camping with [livejournal.com profile] my_daroga and various Darcys, Mister (the dog) and Otherwise (I believe I shall call her Otherwise. Otherwise Darcy), for two nights in Ocean Shores on the Pacific before that, but those were just wasted days of my life I had to pretend to enjoy to make a Pilgrimage of Worship to the ribcage of my heart, Forks. As we all know, Twilight takes place in Forks. Yes, we stopped there. No, we did not eat at Restaurant, but one block from where we did stop happened to be the Forks High School. We saw the student parking lot, where Edward saved Bella from a raging blood-thirsty pickup truck. We saw the window of a staff lounge where the person who taught biology in which Bella and Edward first met must buy his Diet Lemon Pepsis. We saw ground on which he might have walked. And the very clouds which prevent him from sparkling.

We also saw a handmade sign for about a lost dog taped to a STOP sign outside the school. The dog was described as russet colored, and aggressive when angered. It said to contact Officer Swan if found at the bottom. We drew little hearts around the face pastede on the dog. Mr. Darcy might have peed on the post in his own form of sacrament.

We searched long and hard, but did not a find a timeless, beautiful house, which must be at least one hundred years old.

Honestly though, Twilight does merit a few serious words, and they are this: it disturbs me that people enjoy this book in the way that they seem to. I did enjoy it, but that is because bad writing can be funny, and haven't you always wished to read the phrase, "his eyes tightened" over and over again (it could be a drinking game). But it doesn't disturb me that people enjoy bad writing (I am not disturbed my Dan Brown). (I am a little disturbed by Dan Brown). (I can't help being a little disturbed; it's disturbing). It's not even that the characters are empty and non-sensical and hopelessly flat, and that the main character whose POV we are forced to suffer is a mindless and insightless cipher.

What disturbs me is the psychology of this relationship she has with this boy, Edward Cullen The Vampire (it's not that he's sparkly either, though there is that). [livejournal.com profile] my_daroga pointed out that it has many of the attributes of a physically abusive relationship. Edward knowing he is "bad" for Bella, but unable to stay away. Bella pathologically unable to say no or resist him, or even be aware that there might be anything wrong in her wanting someone who wants to hurt her (even if he also doesn't want to). There are other disturbing parallels too--Bella wants to become a vampire, and her longing for suicide is treated by herself (and thus the narrator) as nothing of large import. What makes that awful is that in this world Meyer has created, I can see nothing wrong with suicide either--vampires are perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts them. There are icky parallels there to fanaticism or drug addiction (and the drug addiction thing crops up again later).

Personally, my fundamental problem is that Bella is nothing without Edward. Her entire life, existence, and everything is placed solely on his shoulders. In the second book she claims that without him, she would be a moon without a planet to orbit. I'm sure people have felt that way in the past; I'm sure people have structured their whole lives around one other person to the exclusion of anything that might possibly have to do with their own self-interest. But this is not healthy behavior. While it's happened and I'm sure done someone good somewhere, this is not a good way to live one's life. I'm especially depressed thinking about young girls reading this and thinking that this is an ideal thing to be--this woman whose life so hopelessly revolves around a man who she thinks is perfect and better than her in every way. This woman who must necessarily be crippled without this man (whom she often describes as a "god"), not herself unless he is with her and in love with her.

I'm reading New Moon right now. I . . . can't wait to draw another comic.

ETA: [livejournal.com profile] ontd_twatlight--Go there or be square. Like this!




In other news, those of you wondering what happened to [livejournal.com profile] daily_words--I fell off the wagon but will be back shortly. Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] vaysh11 for handling Wednesdays!

[identity profile] blinkers345.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:00 am (UTC)(link)
i lol-ed for real when edward dazzles

[identity profile] lookingtoescape.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:12 am (UTC)(link)
LOL that comic! 'im....esme....i can love! :D' roflmao x)

[identity profile] janey.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
nicely done bb. :)

[identity profile] nekonekox.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:26 am (UTC)(link)
Marry me.
Btw, I've read all them three books and the temptation to do a parody in the form of fanfiction is great - that is to say, it only gets better from the second book. And I mean to say it gets better in the way you seem to enjoy it. That is, I'll be waiting for your comic.
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[identity profile] flake-sake.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:53 am (UTC)(link)
OMG I love you so hard for this review!!
I just finished the book (and got presented with New moon...) and it's just so bad. Unintentionally funny at times with the sparkles and plot the mean vampire, but Bella really is disturbingly whiny, empty headed, suicidal and fixated on Edward. *shudders*
I just don't get, why so many people love this book so hard.

I'm considering skipping new moon and waiting for your comic :)

[identity profile] nerak-a.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 10:22 am (UTC)(link)
I love this. I laughed 5 times while reading the comic. Which is 8 times more than I did while reading Twilight. How is that possible? Well, I groaned 3 times while reading; 1)the meadow scene, 2)Bella falling oh so predictably into Plot's trap and 3)Bella not knowing that she's going to prom. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!

[identity profile] chrisleeoctaves.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 11:30 am (UTC)(link)
I have SO MUCH LOVE for your Twilight review that I printed it to show the girls I work with who all LOVE the book SO MUCH! Please keep reading the books and writing these insightful reviews.

[identity profile] stoney321.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)
...does it help you to know that Stephanie Meyer is a devout Mormon? Meaning, she has a skewed outlook on love, men, women's place in a relationship, etc?

I laughed very hard at your drawings.

[identity profile] stupervenus.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 02:08 pm (UTC)(link)
oh that's too funny.
rahirah: (Default)

[personal profile] rahirah 2008-07-03 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Best Twilight review EVER.

[identity profile] zombiebunney.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 02:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I want an icon of the sparkly edward!!! *LOL*
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (aces)

[personal profile] my_daroga 2008-07-03 03:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I love you so much. But you already know that. See, this is why you're cooler than me: I just write a SRS BZNS review of how it disturbs me and you make a cool comic (and then write the review).

[identity profile] absnthallur.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
lol, that was fantastic.
CLAP CLAP CLAP.
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[identity profile] faithwood.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 05:05 pm (UTC)(link)
:D :D :D That was hilarious. And SO accurate.

[identity profile] mmmaaadworld.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 06:13 pm (UTC)(link)
that was AMAZING.
CLAP CLAP CLAP

[identity profile] diachrony.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
<333

This is incredibly awesome and I laughed a lot at your review even though I haven't read any of these books and DO NOT WANT TO because it spoils the right kind of enjoyment to know how many people are having the wrong kind of enjoyment. (Yes I am judgmental and judging.)



[identity profile] anelith.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I haven't read Twilight but wondered idly if I should. Now I know -- NOT. Your comic, on the other hand, is *priceless*!

[identity profile] essie007.livejournal.com 2008-07-03 09:49 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG LOLZ! Your comic is hilariously awesome. The angst is soo silly. The vampires are ridiculously perfect. WTF!??!! I ditto pretty much everything you said about Twilight. You read it and go SRSLY? The writing is so contrived, and just...bad. And I love it so much. It's a sickness I tell you.

Actually I like the series a lot more in New Moon and Eclipse after Jacob gets a bigger part and is AWESOMESAUCE! Aaaand I fear if I say more on the subject of Edward/Bella and Jacob I will spoil, so finish reading then we talk. Kthnxbai.

[identity profile] evieeros.livejournal.com 2008-07-04 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Oh thank god for this review! With all the Twilight squee running around I was seriously afraid that aliens had eaten everyone's brains. Just read a brief plot synopsis is scary enough. >.
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[identity profile] redbrickrose.livejournal.com 2008-07-04 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
That comic is awesome. I still have not read Twilight, but the more I hear about it, the more I want to. I just have to see for myself how stunning its awfulness is.

[identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com 2008-07-04 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
The New York Times Sunday Book review needs to immediately hire you. Your review was so deep and insightful.

Teenage boys don't bring these kinds of obscene books home, thank goodness.
seraphcelene: (Default)

[personal profile] seraphcelene 2008-07-04 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome! You should do more comics!!

When the Twilight first came out I'd thought about reading it, but as I stood in Target skimming through the pages I decided against it. Now that it's insanely popular and I keep finding a wild split between "this book is so awesome OMGYAY" and "this book is bloody awful", I am very glad that I opted NOT to waste money on it.

Too bad I didn't do the same with The Looking Glass Wars ...

[identity profile] semby.livejournal.com 2008-07-06 01:33 am (UTC)(link)
I haven't read Twilight - I'd heard it was super popular but everything I heard about it just didn't sound like it would appeal to me - but your comic has now totally made me want to read it! For the lulz.

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