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Fan world problems
Sometimes I'm very confused about what I want from writing fanfic. Sometimes I want to write Careful Stories and other times I want to satisfy my id. I think a lot of people would say that fandom is about the latter, definitely, but it never really has been for me. My absolute favorite stories in fandom are the ones that a) make me think, or b) leave my id wanting more. I have loved (b) type stories as much as canon sometimes, because it produces that same feeling of wanting to fill in all the missing pieces. I love that feeling; it's part of why I've always been so fannish.
So when I go to write, I always feel like I'm making the choice between filling in those pieces (an id-pleaser), or creating more stories with carefully crafted missing bits (a Careful Story). My id is pleased by both, just in different ways. And I generally do write both, but when it comes to which one I'm going to do the work to finish, a decision has to be made. I'm only ever pleased by 60-90% of writing stories. I'm never pleased over the last 10-40%. If I just did whatever I wanted, I'd never have a single story finished. That would also ultimately be displeasing.
For the most part I choose Careful Stories, though I have to say with HP fandom it was id-pleasers. And I have to say that I feel the id-pleasers were better received. I felt like they got more love and attention than other things I've written in fandom, and love and attention is of course very pleasing. But in the long run, I feel less satisfied with those sorts of stories. When I look back on them they don't make me very happy; maybe it's because they give you so much there's nothing to chew on later.
So then there's this constant pressure of but-if-you-just-wrote-that-Tony/Bruce/Pepper-D/s-it-would-make-you-so-happy-and-you'd-get-so-many-kudos-and-then-maybe-more-people-would-read-your-other-stories, and I feel like I have to turn it off because it's not what's going to make me happy in the long run. But then I find myself almost being too careful and not writing anything I want, just because I think it's "better" for me. That happened with Let's Stop The Time Warp Again, which got very difficult and depressing for me to write. Which makes me sad, because I was having a lot of fun with both it and the series, and trying very hard to write only what pleased me, but now what pleases me is very fraught with being careful and good enough and whether people like it or not.
Wow, that was a whole lot of angst, but it felt very good to say. I do recognize that all of this matters very little in the scheme of things.
So when I go to write, I always feel like I'm making the choice between filling in those pieces (an id-pleaser), or creating more stories with carefully crafted missing bits (a Careful Story). My id is pleased by both, just in different ways. And I generally do write both, but when it comes to which one I'm going to do the work to finish, a decision has to be made. I'm only ever pleased by 60-90% of writing stories. I'm never pleased over the last 10-40%. If I just did whatever I wanted, I'd never have a single story finished. That would also ultimately be displeasing.
For the most part I choose Careful Stories, though I have to say with HP fandom it was id-pleasers. And I have to say that I feel the id-pleasers were better received. I felt like they got more love and attention than other things I've written in fandom, and love and attention is of course very pleasing. But in the long run, I feel less satisfied with those sorts of stories. When I look back on them they don't make me very happy; maybe it's because they give you so much there's nothing to chew on later.
So then there's this constant pressure of but-if-you-just-wrote-that-Tony/Bruce/Pepper-D/s-it-would-make-you-so-happy-and-you'd-get-so-many-kudos-and-then-maybe-more-people-would-read-your-other-stories, and I feel like I have to turn it off because it's not what's going to make me happy in the long run. But then I find myself almost being too careful and not writing anything I want, just because I think it's "better" for me. That happened with Let's Stop The Time Warp Again, which got very difficult and depressing for me to write. Which makes me sad, because I was having a lot of fun with both it and the series, and trying very hard to write only what pleased me, but now what pleases me is very fraught with being careful and good enough and whether people like it or not.
Wow, that was a whole lot of angst, but it felt very good to say. I do recognize that all of this matters very little in the scheme of things.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-04-09 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)Also, hi. I don't have a DW account or anything; I read Any Other Superstar somewhere in an odd, month-long "oh, I guess I read HP fanfiction now" jag, and I have kept tabs here ever since, because it was exactly the kind of thing I wanted to read. I think that you would call it a careful story, because you had to work so hard to earn those last scenes - but that's what I like. That's why, in spite of the stigma towards fanfiction in general, I really love this specific sort of fic and occasionally sift through the internet trying to find it. You get your indulgent, glorious porn, but so much time was spent explaining /why/ it was allowed to happen, it all sticks in your...well, my memory, and I come back to those thinky bits and really enjoy them for a good while. I can't think of a novel off the top of my head that has glorious indulgent porn. But I can't disengage my brain enough to get much out of porn happening to characters that I know without sufficient...context given for it, I guess.
I'm not sure what I'm getting at! I wasn't sure I would be able to articulate anything at all, but like I said, it caught my eye, and you know, hi, I'm a reader who's never said a word and maybe ought to, because I've been appreciating your work for a while now. I guess, condensed version: I read shit on the internet for id-gratification, because I don't find much of that in the other books that I read. But I really only care for it if I'm given that buildup before the payoff: this hasn't happened with these characters because of this, but here is how things change and you get to see 'em fuck.
...Yes. Okay.
no subject
I totally think that what might be id for the author doesn't have to be for the reader though, and vice versa. And that's interesting too, because as a reader, I'm less drawn to the "careful" stories. They end up being the ones I love the most, the ones I remember the most, and the ones I keep coming back for, but they're also the ones that leave me emotionally drained, the ones I have to convince myself to read, the ones I rarely want to dip into unless I'm in the right mood. Usually I just wanna read something that's gonna make me happy and feel good by the end of it (usually with sufficient angst along the way).
I think most of us want both at some point or other. I just find it difficult to identify which I want when.
Thanks again for your comment :o)