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Fan world problems
Sometimes I'm very confused about what I want from writing fanfic. Sometimes I want to write Careful Stories and other times I want to satisfy my id. I think a lot of people would say that fandom is about the latter, definitely, but it never really has been for me. My absolute favorite stories in fandom are the ones that a) make me think, or b) leave my id wanting more. I have loved (b) type stories as much as canon sometimes, because it produces that same feeling of wanting to fill in all the missing pieces. I love that feeling; it's part of why I've always been so fannish.
So when I go to write, I always feel like I'm making the choice between filling in those pieces (an id-pleaser), or creating more stories with carefully crafted missing bits (a Careful Story). My id is pleased by both, just in different ways. And I generally do write both, but when it comes to which one I'm going to do the work to finish, a decision has to be made. I'm only ever pleased by 60-90% of writing stories. I'm never pleased over the last 10-40%. If I just did whatever I wanted, I'd never have a single story finished. That would also ultimately be displeasing.
For the most part I choose Careful Stories, though I have to say with HP fandom it was id-pleasers. And I have to say that I feel the id-pleasers were better received. I felt like they got more love and attention than other things I've written in fandom, and love and attention is of course very pleasing. But in the long run, I feel less satisfied with those sorts of stories. When I look back on them they don't make me very happy; maybe it's because they give you so much there's nothing to chew on later.
So then there's this constant pressure of but-if-you-just-wrote-that-Tony/Bruce/Pepper-D/s-it-would-make-you-so-happy-and-you'd-get-so-many-kudos-and-then-maybe-more-people-would-read-your-other-stories, and I feel like I have to turn it off because it's not what's going to make me happy in the long run. But then I find myself almost being too careful and not writing anything I want, just because I think it's "better" for me. That happened with Let's Stop The Time Warp Again, which got very difficult and depressing for me to write. Which makes me sad, because I was having a lot of fun with both it and the series, and trying very hard to write only what pleased me, but now what pleases me is very fraught with being careful and good enough and whether people like it or not.
Wow, that was a whole lot of angst, but it felt very good to say. I do recognize that all of this matters very little in the scheme of things.
So when I go to write, I always feel like I'm making the choice between filling in those pieces (an id-pleaser), or creating more stories with carefully crafted missing bits (a Careful Story). My id is pleased by both, just in different ways. And I generally do write both, but when it comes to which one I'm going to do the work to finish, a decision has to be made. I'm only ever pleased by 60-90% of writing stories. I'm never pleased over the last 10-40%. If I just did whatever I wanted, I'd never have a single story finished. That would also ultimately be displeasing.
For the most part I choose Careful Stories, though I have to say with HP fandom it was id-pleasers. And I have to say that I feel the id-pleasers were better received. I felt like they got more love and attention than other things I've written in fandom, and love and attention is of course very pleasing. But in the long run, I feel less satisfied with those sorts of stories. When I look back on them they don't make me very happy; maybe it's because they give you so much there's nothing to chew on later.
So then there's this constant pressure of but-if-you-just-wrote-that-Tony/Bruce/Pepper-D/s-it-would-make-you-so-happy-and-you'd-get-so-many-kudos-and-then-maybe-more-people-would-read-your-other-stories, and I feel like I have to turn it off because it's not what's going to make me happy in the long run. But then I find myself almost being too careful and not writing anything I want, just because I think it's "better" for me. That happened with Let's Stop The Time Warp Again, which got very difficult and depressing for me to write. Which makes me sad, because I was having a lot of fun with both it and the series, and trying very hard to write only what pleased me, but now what pleases me is very fraught with being careful and good enough and whether people like it or not.
Wow, that was a whole lot of angst, but it felt very good to say. I do recognize that all of this matters very little in the scheme of things.
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But I *do* get the id vs. careful thing with writing AU scenarios for happy endings or giving couples kids who I can't see actually having kids in canon, or letting characters have the emotionally developed conversation that they would never actually have -- either because the canon timelines/logistics don't work or because they're the kind of people who wouldn't have that conversation. And it also helps me UNDERSTAND the existence of fics like the 'improbable apology fic' or the 'romantic partners switch without explanation fic' or the 'actually, NOBODY DIED fic.
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This is so interesting to me.
letting characters have the emotionally developed conversation that they would never actually have
Yes, this! If they're the type of people who wouldn't have that conversation, you could spend 200,000 words making them grow and finally become the type of people who have that conversation, and it is so, so satisfying. But it's also a lot of work, and so slow, and not a lot of people are going to read it. But if you just wrote that conversation, it'd be 1,200 words--slightly implausible, but immediately satisfying. And lots of people would love it (and tell you that it was totally in character). And you'd feel so good writing it and getting those responses! But a year later you wouldn't feel as though those characters got there and had that conversation and really could be ultimately emotionally mature and happy, whereas if you wrote that 200,000 word fic, it can almost feel like a secondary canon in your head. Or that's how it is for me, anyway.
And it also helps me UNDERSTAND the existence of fics like the 'improbable apology fic' or the 'romantic partners switch without explanation fic' or the 'actually, NOBODY DIED fic.
Yes. Although it's still difficult to understand the, "and actually they're not brothers and one of them is a mermaid" fic.
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This is so interesting to me.
Does this mean, "Please explain?" LOL. Well, how should I put it? If there's a fantasy involving characters that really turns me on, I have better uses for it than writing it down/ sharing it with people who might not be into it? Whereas the stuff that draws me to a ship that I really want to SHARE with people tends to be emotional rather than sexual. (Or if I do want to say, "Hey see how sexy they are!" it's easier for me to bookmark somebody else's fic that I find hot, or link to a screencap or panel or fanart).
That just comes down to my personal relationship with fanfic and fan communities, though, which has never really been about the porn. (And now I feel like one of those people who goes, "I'm not really IN fanfic for PORN like those OTHER people," which isn't the intention, it's just my personal experience).
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But I have a tendency not to finish any of that stuff. Basically once I start to write it I can finally finish it in my head, like I couldn't hold it all, beginning, middle, and end, but once I get the beginning and middle down I can finally imagine the end, and that provides the satisfaction I was looking for. But if I am going to share with people, they usually demand that it be finished, so that's when I have to make decisions about what I want to share.
Wow, and that was a whole lot about me me me. But what I mean is, it is fascinating to me that we have different uses for those fantasies that turn us on, and what compels us to write what. When I really ship characters I have the "WRITE SEX NOW" feeling so very strongly. When I don't ship characters, writing porn for them is more of an intellectual exercise, like I'm trying to identify how that impulse operates. It was interesting to me that even though you don't have the "WRITE SEX NOW" impulse for characters you do ship, you still engage in that intellectual exercise for characters you don't. I think it's neat :o)
I'm not really IN fanfic for PORN like those OTHER people,
You don't sound like that.
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It was interesting to me that even though you don't have the "WRITE SEX NOW" impulse for characters you do ship, you still engage in that intellectual exercise for characters you don't.
Not, I should say, for characters I actively anti-ship, but thinking of things like porn battle claims or fic exchange assignments, where I like both characters but probably haven't given much thought to how they would fit together.
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...Oh great now I have to go find some Viola/Orsino.
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