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What we're looking for (in fandom)
Wanting a big flist (or reading circle) always seemed to me to be missing the point. Except it's not, really.
Fandom--or blogging, whatever you do with these things, really--isn't about popularity, right? It's about expression and community. If you have a small circle who listens, and provides thoughtful insights, you have what you came for. Except you don't, really.
I once read a definition of the internet (I forgot whose it is. If anyone knows, please tell me) that went like this:
Person A: I...sometimes I--I have been known to wear a rubber chicken on my head.
Person B: You do? I--I do that sometimes!
Person C: Rubber chicken on your head? Oh, I do that all the time! Let's form a club!
And that, I think, is what we came here for. Many of us have those in our lives who love us. Some number of us have those in our lives who will listen when we go off on a fandom tangent. A fraction of that number have those in our lives who can identify with fannishness, and very few of us have those in our lives who can identify to the extent that they have someone in the same fandom as them, and so on.
Once you have built your circle on a blogging site, all the sudden you have all sorts of people who can identify with your fannishness, and then a set within those who are into the particular fandom you happen to be in, and then a set within those who can identify with your thoughts and experience. But the truth is, the bigger your circle is, the more likely you are to have someone who will see you say, "I like to wear rubber chickens", whose response is, "wow, I like to do that too!"
I don't need for people to identify with me all the time. Intellectually, I would prefer to have an audience of thoughtful people who don't necessarily always agree with what I say, but consider it respectfully and provide their own opinions. I prefer for people to say, "Really, rubber chickens? That is so interesting! Why?" than just mindlessly agree and enthuse. Of course, above all, I would prefer a Person B who says, "I do too. Why do we like to wear rubber chickens?" and a Person C who says, "Let's analyze!" But if given a choice--just between people who identify but don't analyze, and people who don't identify but will listen and consider things with me--I would choose people who are thoughtful and listen any day over an audience of mindlessly bobbing heads.
But that doesn't change the fact that it is a comfort, in the gut, for me to be able to say, "I wear rubber chickens," and for someone else to say, "I do too!" That's what's thrilling about fandom, really.
Now, it's possible to come to a point of identification through an intellectual analysis of some particular taste. For example:
Person A: I like to wear rubber chickens.
Person B: Really, rubber chickens? That's so interesting. Why?
Person C: Let's analyze! I, for instance, wear a stuffed parrot attached to my shoulder.
Person A: There seems to be an avian motif!
Person B: How stimulating! For although my sartorial choices do not reflect this avian motif, I often contemplate flight, in waking hours!
Person C: And I am invigorated by aeronautical themes.
Person A: Let's start a club!
But you see how that interaction is less direct. It's comforting in it's own way; it's very cool. But it's not that direct wire to your hormones you get, when you have this private thing you think is yours, and then you find that someone shares it. I mean, I think that this is a biological, evolution-directed thing, this gut response to human identification. We are comforted by people doing what we do, feeling what we feel.
I'm not saying I want a big circle, not really; nor am I saying my list is particularly small. As I said, I would rather people who will listen and who can think, anyway, and I feel that that is you all. But sometimes it is true that I think of something to post, and then think: what is the point, really? People may think that it is interesting, but they will not have had that experience, and so can't say, "YEAH, RUBBER CHICKENS!"; they can only say, "Really, rubber chickens? That's so interesting. Why?" and then I will have to explain, and then I will not get my gut comfort.
Probably, the problem is I want fandom to be both comfort food and brain food, and it really can't always be both.
Fandom--or blogging, whatever you do with these things, really--isn't about popularity, right? It's about expression and community. If you have a small circle who listens, and provides thoughtful insights, you have what you came for. Except you don't, really.
I once read a definition of the internet (I forgot whose it is. If anyone knows, please tell me) that went like this:
Person A: I...sometimes I--I have been known to wear a rubber chicken on my head.
Person B: You do? I--I do that sometimes!
Person C: Rubber chicken on your head? Oh, I do that all the time! Let's form a club!
And that, I think, is what we came here for. Many of us have those in our lives who love us. Some number of us have those in our lives who will listen when we go off on a fandom tangent. A fraction of that number have those in our lives who can identify with fannishness, and very few of us have those in our lives who can identify to the extent that they have someone in the same fandom as them, and so on.
Once you have built your circle on a blogging site, all the sudden you have all sorts of people who can identify with your fannishness, and then a set within those who are into the particular fandom you happen to be in, and then a set within those who can identify with your thoughts and experience. But the truth is, the bigger your circle is, the more likely you are to have someone who will see you say, "I like to wear rubber chickens", whose response is, "wow, I like to do that too!"
I don't need for people to identify with me all the time. Intellectually, I would prefer to have an audience of thoughtful people who don't necessarily always agree with what I say, but consider it respectfully and provide their own opinions. I prefer for people to say, "Really, rubber chickens? That is so interesting! Why?" than just mindlessly agree and enthuse. Of course, above all, I would prefer a Person B who says, "I do too. Why do we like to wear rubber chickens?" and a Person C who says, "Let's analyze!" But if given a choice--just between people who identify but don't analyze, and people who don't identify but will listen and consider things with me--I would choose people who are thoughtful and listen any day over an audience of mindlessly bobbing heads.
But that doesn't change the fact that it is a comfort, in the gut, for me to be able to say, "I wear rubber chickens," and for someone else to say, "I do too!" That's what's thrilling about fandom, really.
Now, it's possible to come to a point of identification through an intellectual analysis of some particular taste. For example:
Person A: I like to wear rubber chickens.
Person B: Really, rubber chickens? That's so interesting. Why?
Person C: Let's analyze! I, for instance, wear a stuffed parrot attached to my shoulder.
Person A: There seems to be an avian motif!
Person B: How stimulating! For although my sartorial choices do not reflect this avian motif, I often contemplate flight, in waking hours!
Person C: And I am invigorated by aeronautical themes.
Person A: Let's start a club!
But you see how that interaction is less direct. It's comforting in it's own way; it's very cool. But it's not that direct wire to your hormones you get, when you have this private thing you think is yours, and then you find that someone shares it. I mean, I think that this is a biological, evolution-directed thing, this gut response to human identification. We are comforted by people doing what we do, feeling what we feel.
I'm not saying I want a big circle, not really; nor am I saying my list is particularly small. As I said, I would rather people who will listen and who can think, anyway, and I feel that that is you all. But sometimes it is true that I think of something to post, and then think: what is the point, really? People may think that it is interesting, but they will not have had that experience, and so can't say, "YEAH, RUBBER CHICKENS!"; they can only say, "Really, rubber chickens? That's so interesting. Why?" and then I will have to explain, and then I will not get my gut comfort.
Probably, the problem is I want fandom to be both comfort food and brain food, and it really can't always be both.
no subject
Oh, but what I mean is size totally does matter. Sure, intellectually, what I really want is quality. But down in my gut, what I really want is your 1). And you are more likely to have more people who just happen to agree with you if your list is larger.
Now, if you begin in fandom by going about saying, "I think K/S are bonded in the movies--who's with me?!?" you're going to find people who agree with you, and you'll friend those people. Thus, even if you don't have a huge flist, you'll have a lot of people on there who are gut-reaction enthusiasts.
But what I'm talking about is okay, now you have this list. You want to be able to just talk to them, and say, "You know, besides K/S being bonded in the movies, I like to wear a chicken on my head." And you want a lot of that list to say "yeah! Woohoo! Me too!" But instead, you will be met with silence, and o_0, and "....bigmamag, we are here for the K/S. Leave your chickens alone." If your list is cool (mine totally is!) you'll get the people saying, "I don't wear chickens, but that's interesting. Why do you do it?"
And again, that's fine! I like to discuss my tastes and I love that people are interested in them. But where are my people saying, "me too! Let's form a club!!!" ...They're not there. I have to go out and say, "I LIKE TO WEAR CHICKENS! WHO'S WITH ME?" and gather a whole new set of friends, so you can have some 1)s and 2)s to wax poetic about chickens with. And this gets wearisome. Because I love my flist. I don't need any more people on it. I'd love to just sit and chat with them for hours, and yet right now I can't talk about Victorian industrialization, because while some will be interested from an intellectual perspective, no one actually cares, deep down in their guts.
I see some BNFs getting lonely, because either they're loved unconditionally or hated beyond reason.
Er...I don't really see that. BNFs certainly get disproportionate amounts of people who agree with what they say without thinking about it, and people who disagree with what they say just because they're BNFs. But . . . there are plenty of normal people who are not struck dumb and starry eyed by BNFs, and those people will make legitimate arguments and inquiries to a BNF's perspective. I mean, most BNFs I've seen--whether I like them or not--aren't imperial masters with scads of drooling mindless sycophants.
because some days I really just want happy gut feelings about what I post and not people debating or questioning, and other times I want debates and discussion and instead get nothing but "YAY I AGREE 100%"
I agree 100%!!! Right now I'm in the position of being in a small fandom no one on my flist will be interested in. I want to go on and on about it, and I'm sure some people on my flist would be interested in what I have to say about it. But they're not in the fandom, so while I'd be interested in their opinions and stuff, it's not the same, you know?