Ate, got robbed, ate some more.

[lettered]

I have drama! Not whiny emo drama either, I have true, juicy drama!

So there I was, eating my gyro at this Greek place where once we dined with Destiny's Child, and while I was in the restaurant, someone bashed the back window of my car, and made off with Against The Day by Thomas Pynchon! This was a book my brother gave me for Christmas! The fourth worst thing about it is I write lots of notes in the margins. The third worst thing about it is I tend to keep cds in big thick books, and I think I had Mercy Brown in this one (eta: Mercy Brown was not in Pynchon, it was in Harry Potter! So YAY). The ironic thing about Bad Thing #3 is Mr. Whosit made off with Pynchon, but left my cds (2 notebooks full of more than 100 cds. They got whatever cds were in Pynchon). I'd say the guy had taste, but that suggests my taste in music is bad, which I don't think it is, because it's mine you know, and also, you have to wait for #1 for the full extent of his awesome discretion. The second worst thing about it is I have to replace my window, and that's going to cost a lot. Bummer.

The worst thing about it was Pynchon was in my bag with my laptop. This guy is now in full possession of a computer full of Buffy porn, Harry Potter porn, that random RPS porn . . . and the back up disk inside that contained back ups of everything I ever did in undergrad. It was in there so I could html my POTO fics to put up for my_daroga. In some ways, this is all my_daroga's fault. Kidding! But anyway, they got the POTO non-porn, too.

Luckily, my dad had a copy of that disk. Also luckily, I'm a great big old loser who hasn't done much original writing in the past year, and that's the main thing I'm always worried about losing when I lose stuff. Some of the little (and most important) I've done is backed up. The rest I can't really even remember, so I'm not too stressed about it.

There were some vids I dl'ed, and some bookmarks I should've put on del.ici.ous, but actually, things are not looking too bad.

The only other thing on there was fic. Lots and lost of unfinished fic! Like that total crack Angel/Spike all human AU where they met as young anarchist terrorists, and Liam taught William to blow things up, and then they meet years later and Liam is Angel, a much more legitimate revolutionary warlord, and Spike is so burned out by all the desertion and betrayals and that stint he spent in prison where Liam never came to save him, that he's a whore for the dark side in both the sexual and the metaphoric sense. Yeah, that fic is gone forever.

And a couple chapters of Best Souvenir (eta: only about two chapters, I think! YAY. I had more backed up than I thought). And whatever I had of the third fic in the War Stories series I'm still trying to do. Since Chrisleeoctaves sent me back all the bits I sent her of my big massive epic thing I still have most of that, so yay, and I still have some other chapters of Best Souvenir, so yay, and for some reason I was always freakishly scrupulous of backing up whatever I have of my Buffy/Connor novella, so yay.

Hopefully it won't be too long before I get a new laptop. Since I'm living at home, I definitely have the money for it, it's just a shame I have to spend it on this. And a shame I have to use this computer because it sucks monkey feet.

SUPER SPECIAL NOTE TO K and samsom: POTO fic won't be up at tkpfics for a while.

SUPER SPECIAL NOTE TO stoney321, redbrickrose or stultiloquentia: could one of you send me back that H/D fic I sent as an attachment, as I don't have that backed up anywhere? Thanks so much. I'd be sad to lose it, even if it *is* 100 pages of H/D with no H/D. I'm sad the 15 pages I wrote since I sent it to you is gone forever! eta: THANKS STONEY!

SUPER SPECIAL NOTE TO brandil: uh, I'll send you that fic when I one of the ladies I've already sent it to forwards me a copy.

I know there are things I will be missing over the next several months, but hey. They didn't steal my car, I'm alive, and it was a really good gyro.

Comments

[tkp.livejournal.com]

The thing about the monkeys was that one was eating the other out and a third was watching. So I was wondering, do monkeys get off on voyeurism? I mean because for me, one of the things that's sexy about voyeurism is, I dunno, there's something a little illicit about it. I mean, even if it's with full consent of both parties, it's like, shouldn't you be doing this *with* me? So yeah, the element of wrong. I mean, would a monkey get off on the element of wrong? DO YOU SEE WHY I HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AT NIGHT?

It could have been a lot worse.

Yeah, exactly.

he looks so calm on top, but he is paddling like hell underneath

That is exactly why I loved him!

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Uhm. I can see why you have trouble sleeping if you worry about the morality plays of monkey sex, yes.

You should know that female chimps are now making tools. Not using things in nature for tools. Making new ones. For hunting. Only the females. This makes me happy.

OTOH, maybe next they'll make vibrators.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I didn't know that! Awesome!

I think it'd be great if they made vibrators. See, now, this makes me wonder if monkeys use foreign objects. I guess the root of the issue for me is a curiosity about how much our psychology drives our sexual impulses/practices, and how much is more hormonal/physical.

Once, in Scottland, there were dispensors in the ladies' room where you could put in a pound or three and buy a vibrator, right there in the pub. Fabulous idea.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Well that's why I think it's fascinating that only chimps and great apes use sex for pleasure and not just procreation. I mean, there's no evolutionary reason for chimps to go down on one another.

As for people, for sure our biggest sexual organ is our noggins.

I wonder about things like shame. If we had no shame, what would we do differently?

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I wonder about things like shame. If we had no shame, what would we do differently?

Which is actually kind of like wondering about the morality play of monkey sex. No really.

Well, what I mean is, shame can turn you on. Without shame, some things wouldn't be as sexy.

But without shame, there'd be more sexual freedom, wouldn't there? Which I would like. But then if there was no shame then would there be no privacy?

And guilt is pretty much my most treasured emotion, ever. Without it, I think I'd be a much lesser person, because I firmly believe I am not naturally nice, honest, generous, anything (I also firmly believe some people *naturally* are. My mom, for instance). It's because of guilt I do most things I feel are really great.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

No, I got the morality play monkey thing was about shame. I was just teasing you about it. ;)

I agree that guilt is an important leash for a large portion of humanity. I believe that people like your mom are pretty fucking rare. I *don't* believe in the basic goodness of humanity, unfortunately. I have debates about this all the time with Fod, actually.

Shame and guilt are different though, IMO. Guilt is more between people, or a person and general society, whereas shame is internal, or between one person and their conscience or Higher Power, if you will. I have to work very hard to eliminate shame from my own brain, probably because of my history of sexual abuse. Guilt, OTOH, is in my blood, man. I'm a Jew. ;)

[tkp.livejournal.com]

oh. hee ;o)

I guess I believe that almost all humanity has the capacity for basic human goodness, except for a few I honestly believe were born with something fundamentally missing. I think whether we fulfill that capacity depends partially on our environment, way we're raised, experiences, etc, and partially on something I just like to think of as free will.

But anyway, I've only realized relatively recently that my mom and I are fundamentally different in that her first instinct is to be kind, whereas I am only ever kind because otherwise I'd feel bad.

Shame and guilt are different though, IMO.

I agree. I was going to go into this whole thing about how "This is another topic, but *guilt*, for instance, as opposed to shame..." and then I didn't know what I was saying and now you've said it much better than I ever could have. I'm glad you work hard at dealing with it and very sorry that you have to.

Guilt, OTOH, is in my blood, man. I'm a Jew. ;)

What's funny is I've heard people say just that same thing many times, except sometimes with "Catholic" and once or twice even with "Protestant" in the place of "Jew". I was raised without religion, though I suppose Protestantism is in my parents' blood, and yet, this abundance of guilt. Someone else once told me it was because I'm a Virgo. ;o)

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I think guilt is actually a very Western religious phenomenon. Asian religions/cultures seem to be much more about shame/face.

(What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

An Italian mother says "eat this, or I'll kill you."
A Jewish mother says "eat this or I'll kill myself."

Thank you, I'll be here all week.)

I absolutely agree that some people are just born with something fundamentally missing. I met quite a few of them when I worked in Psych, and they freaked me the fuck out. Not to get all religious, but seriously? It was like they had no soul. You could see it in their eyes. Creepy as fuck.

I do not miss it. But I remain fascinated from an academic standpoint.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I think guilt is actually a very Western religious phenomenon. Asian religions/cultures seem to be much more about shame/face.

Oh, definitely agree there.

My mother raised me the Jewish way, I think. My childhood was spent in efforts not to make her sad. More than I'd like to admit of my adulthood, too.

It was like they had no soul.

No, this is how I feel, too. I've never met someone like that, don't think I've ever even seen any, but a few of the people I hear about in history and on the news, I just don't think it's *possible* for them to be good people. But I tend to think this is rare; I like to think even those who seem the worst can be redeemed. 'Cause otherwise we're screwed.

I remain fascinated from an academic standpoint.

Me too. And, a spiritual one, I guess.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I meant, the Jewish example as opposed to the Italian one.

My dad was totally the Italian one and the only thing that ever taught me was not to get caught.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

To be redeemable, you have to have empathy for other human beings. That's what these people are missing. They torture animals, children, anyone, because it feels good for them. They're the center of their own universe, there is nothing and no one else. Usually, they are very smart, and manipulative.

I worked with one kid who threatened to rape me and the other female staff in the parking lot (he would have done it too, I have no doubt, were he not in a locked unit). But when his mother came to visit, and we told her we recommended he go to another locked facility, for a long long time, he clung to her and called her mommy and bawled like a two year old. She agreed to take him home. Then she left and he wiped his face and grinned at me. Like a movie. Creepy little asshole, and I hope he got hit by a bus before he could hurt any more girls.

This would be why I became a Speech Therapist. Most stutterers don't, you know, kill people and eat their brains. *G*

[lynnenne]

*butts in on the conversation, because I'm a bully that way*

I *don't* believe in the basic goodness of humanity, unfortunately.

I believe in the basic goodness of women. I *don't* believe in the basic goodness of men. I'm incredibly sexist that way. I mean, you have your female psychopaths, like Karla Homolka, but they're so incredbily rare. Male psychopaths outnumber them by a figure of 10:1. Testosterone is like some weird kind of poison to the human brain.

I wish I weren't so fucking cynical.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I uhm. Yea, I agree with you.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

I mean, there's no evolutionary reason for chimps to go down on one another.

The two of you amuse the crap out of me. :)

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha.

I live to serve, darling.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

It is good. :)

Here it is all homework, stress and staring at Tom Welling. (Because my screensaver is this thing where it does overlapping slideshows of parts of my pictures folders. But I have no control over which. Since I went insane for an hour and maybe dl-ed a whole bunch of wet!Superman, and etcetera, pictures, it's ALL WELLING ALL THE TIME.)

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I think Tom Welling looks like a big barn silo with little girl eyes, with nothing but sawdust inside. Sorry.

*makes you tea*

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

OMFG ME TOO.

Fod just LOVES HIM. I keep telling her this makes her a bad lesbian, but she does not seem to care.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

I used to be immune. Then something F-ed up happened.

*ponders*

I wonder how long it's going to take before I start wanting to write girl versions of him? I'm thinking not, but that seems to be a coping mechanism in the face of pretty men who try and tip my scales too far towards zee boys. I mean, it's a meta exercise of SERIOUS IMPORT.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's the little girl eyes?

You know, despite the whole size thing, he's not very...manly. I mean, he just doesn't have that...manliness. Sam Winchester is the same way, despite his size also. They are very boyish. This may be due to their ages, or something in their faces, I dunno.

So while I love me some broad shoulders and porn hands, these guys just don't do it for me.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

Bwah!

Tea, that sounds like a good idea. I'm about to watch Brokeback Mountain and call it "work."

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

Oh! And if you have time, I'm a pushy biznatch and I want you to read this.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I totally will at work tomorrow. Because I have no laptop to write on. *remembers, and is sad* This comp is hard to read things on. Besides porn at work is always fun. I assume there's porn. I love your 2nd person stuff.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Thay are also writing apparently. Some monkeys (forget which species) were discovered making markings on leaves with a twig they had specifically sharpened just for this purpose.

At one point a female gave a male a leaf with markings on it. He took it, "read" it and then ran off. It likely said, "Bananas on sale three trees down. Don't forget to get a bunch."

[tkp.livejournal.com]

HAHHAHAHA!

That's great.