I deserve love.

[lettered]

When I was very wee, I used to have these nightmares about bugs. The dreams were always the same: bugs were at the bottom of my bed trying to crawl their way up. They were actually sort of waking nightmares; I had them when I was trying to get to sleep more often than when I was asleep. I used to wake up crying all the time.

I stopped waking up crying by the time I was 7 or so I think, but I never really got over that nightmare. I still have it fairly often--again, while I'm awake. I can feel bugs crawling on me, and have to concentrate really hard to remind myself it's not real.

When I read 1984 and got to the part about Room 101 (Winston's Room 101 being rats) I started trying to think what would be in my Room 101, what one thing I was so afraid of I might even betray someone I loved out of sheer fear. And sadly, I had an answer, and it's a certain kind of bug. This bug is relatively harmless, but it frightens the bejesus out of me. And my Room 101 would be full to the top of them, and I'd have to go in there, and they wouldn't just crawl on me, they'd crawl in me. Yes, in every place. I am very good at feeding my phobias.

So tonight when I was reading some of the best fiction (pro or fan) that I've ever read anywhere, one of those bugs crawls into my pants. I tell myself it's the nightmare and it's not real. I tell myself this a good five minutes before I look in pants to check.

I am never going to sleep again.

SO. Do not mention bugs or tell me your bug horror stories or I will stab out your eyes and stuff them like olives. But do please tell me something nice, because I deserve it. ROOM 101 IS UPSTAIRS, AND MY PANTS ARE STILL IN IT*. MY WORST NIGHTMARE LITERALLY JUST CAME TRUE.

*am not pantless, though.

Comments

[tkp.livejournal.com]

"Yes. YOU ARE ALL WRONG."

EXACTLY. It was worse than the time I said, "I know it's stupid, but I really hate to throw dead bugs in the toilet like some people do, for fear that they are not actually dead and they will crawl up my...yeah." To which my friend replied, "Oh, yeah, that happened to me once." I AM SUPPOSED TO BE REASSURED THAT ALL MY PHOBIAS ARE IRRATIONAL. My life is out to get me.

I'm excited about something hand made from you! I need to do my post so I can hand make things. I'm kind of excited about it because I like to paint, and I used to draw comics. Also, my mom always wants me to do clay or jewelry with her, so if someone cool (ahem, yourself!) commented I might be inspired to do a big projecty thing. I haven't done something artsy craftsy in a long time and I find that I miss it.

I don't like strawberries but I like strawberry yogurt. I'm probably a freak. *checks*

Wait, that's all good stuff for me.

All of which does make me happy :o)

Isn't that nice?

Actually K I'm kinda creeped out. WEIRD. 0_o

[my_daroga]

I had no idea you used to draw comics; I'd love to see some sometime. Oh, and I'll sign up for your crafty ways as soon as you offer.

I don't like strawberries but I like strawberry yogurt. I'm probably a freak. *checks*

Then we are both freaks. I love strawberry *flavoring* I think. And my strawberry yogurt has no chunks. I don't like bits in my yogurt.

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I didn't draw very many. Most were stick figures, and all were just personal things for friends, which is why I never mentioned them when you talked about drawing comics (yours are way cooler). But there was this one rather involved one (i.e. not stick figures) I did where my friends and I were all 19th c. gals in the Old West with hoops skirts, packing revolvers in our garters, and there were tumbleweeds and bandits in black masks. It was fun.

Whoa, ditto on everything about strawberry flavoring and non-chunky yogurt!

[my_daroga]

That sounds awesome. I don't mind stick figures. My drawings aren't much better.

OMG WE AGREE.