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Time in the world (to talk)
I’m talkative. When I was little, my Dad gave us a word per week in the summer. They ended up each pertaining to qualities about us. My oldest brother got something that meant glum and moody. All my next oldest brother’s were words such as, “erudite”. (My mom begged for a word; he only gave her one: callipygous.) Mine for the summer were these: loquacious, verbose, garrulous, and gesticulate (I talked even when my mouth wasn’t moving).
Whenever I get on AIM, or any chatting device, I end up talking to people I haven’t talked to in years. This is a many splendid thing, except that it takes approximately nine hours, and by the time all the conversation windows get clicked closed, I’m still not done:
1) With the dishes
2) With my writing
3) With my laundry
4) Watching Important Things, such as James Harriot and 80s baseball anime
5) Talking to friends I haven’t talked to in years.
The end result? I do not get on AIM. I do not chat. I do not pass go.
Most things end up being like this with me. The other day at movie night, I had all sorts of thoughts about the movie! But lots of people were talking, and my thoughts were long, and complicated, and very involved, and mostly for the ears of
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my_daroga and Mr. Daroga. The point is though, I ended up not saying anything, because I knew it would take too long, and that the kind of discussion I wanted would not result from it.I do this with lj. I have a million things I could post about, but don’t, because it will take too long. I feel like I’m wasting time; I feel in the end I still won’t say what I mean anyway; I feel people won’t read it because it’s too long; I won’t have time for the discussion because it will be too involved, etc etc. It’s part of my weird lj neurosis, which I believe I have discussed elsewhere.
It makes me sad. LJ is particularly cool because I think you can have the involved conversations I want to have on it. The formatting is fine for long discussion, plus the people here are thoughtful, and when they’re not, I don’t have to know that they didn’t listen to me. I don’t have to see blank faces or people trying to politely disengage from the conversation; I just get people not commenting. Which is fine! Furthermore all this gets recorded, both my insanely long thoughts and people’s insanely long thoughts back. It is perfect for me in so many ways!
Anyway, what I’ve decided to do is try to spend 15 minutes a day making a post. I spent 15 minutes on this one, and even though it’s stressing me out to cut it off here, maybe it will inspire me to keep going, and finally get some thoughts out. Some of it is writing, some fanfic, lots of thoughts about writing, and life in general. It may turn out to be fairly boring, but maybe I won’t feel such regret about having this wonderful tool and not using it appropriately.
. . . Watch me only do the 15 minute thing until tomorrow. I guess it’s worth the effort.
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Yes and thrice yes. I have the same problem: too many higglety-pigglety thoughts and not enough time or oompf to get them all down in coherent order, much less respond to everybody else who might come out to play. I can nail my habits to a couple of newish circumstances -- my 8-5 job and my roomie. The former means my time is more regimented, and I have fewer big chunks of it for just sitting and thinking and making, and the latter means I talk the poor woman's ears off at dinner instead of saving it up for lj like I used to.
But at the same time, I MISS gabbling with people, especially you. I have two of your posts currently sitting in my main bookmark folder, the "to be engaged with" queue -- "Persistence of Memory" and your meta about writing when you're obsessed. And I want to read your Batman. Just -- *pant pant* -- can't keep up! I often feel like a long, thoughtful post deserves a long, thoughtful answer (you know how I am about fic feedback), and then I'm squashed under my own internal guidelines and never reply at all. But they stay there in the Bookmark Queue of Intent.
Anyhow, I hope you do post more regularly at less length. Once a day is ambitious. But I don't want to lose touch completely!
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But yeah, I miss getting other POVs, and talking to lj people, and you :o)
I often feel like a long, thoughtful post deserves a long, thoughtful answer
My problem is sometimes I come up with long thoughtful answers whether posts are long or not, or whether anything deserves it or not. Sometimes I can't come up with anything short and pithy to save my life! But I'm actually better about keeping comments down to reasonable lengths, and making them, than I am about posting. I've been known not to reply at all a time or two because I have too much to say, though. It's true with fic I do feel the need to make very involved comments, but I haven't been reading much fic lately!
Once a day IS ambitious! I'm probably setting myself up for failure. But 15 min doesn't seem too long. ...I was taking into account formatting and tracking down links, and then somehow answering comments and perusing the ole flist too...
I hope we do keep in touch, and that I see your soup can a little more often whether commenting or posting, when and if you can . . .