What is up?

[lettered]

Hello everyone. I haven't been on my journal in a while. I really miss you guys.

Lately I have: started yet another job, felt unwilling or unable to clean my room and keep up with laundry, failed at grazieprego, celebrated the release of Sarah Rees Brennen's book, The Demon's Lexicon here with sarahtales, orexisbella and all the cool marmalade fish (go read it; it's really good!). I have gained a new niece, not visited my cousin as much as I would like, angsted about Dreamwidth and how I'd like to move there but it seems like too much work. I have conceived a brilliant Buffyverse story, which awesomeness overwhelmed me for precisely 1.7 days, at which point I realized lynnenne had already written it and called it Vicarious. I have interviewed for new jobs and started learning about the stars, and become so addicted to caffeine that when I didn't have it this morning I pretty much felt the worst I've ever felt. I have failed to research making a website or ask about making one for marmalade_fish, failed to email seraphcelene whom I really miss, failed to stay in contact with lots of people who are important to me, but happily reconnected with some other people (like my best friends in Houston and my old room mate), started playing D&D, and discovered that even in the company of geeks I'm still geekier, because getting drunk off my ass and clubbing just never sounds that fun to me.

But mostly, it's been Star Trek. I have mainlined the Original Series, I have spent most evenings perusing the kink meme (st_xi_kink), I have posted over 7 prompts and filled 3, started filling approximately 5 more, have started at least 7 other fics besides those, and have written 25,000 words in the fandom without finishing any of it. I have read Nimoy's biography I Am Spock, listened to Shatner's albun Has Been at least three dozen times, obsessed for hours and hours with my_daroga, fallen in love with Bill Shatner, fallen in love with Shatner/Nimoy, but not quite as much as Kirk/Spock. I've posted anonymously for the first time in my life because my fanfiction confused me and my requests sort of overwhelmed me, and I've been so grateful that my_daroga feels similar to me because it has made me feel less weird, and because she's so clever and talented and insightful, and because I love her.

I have been waiting without much patience for the next chapter of this story, I have roleplayed ST characters in three different venues, I have read published and unpublished 70s K/S fanfiction, I've written and not posted probably about 5K worth of meta about Shatner, Kirk/Spock, and the role of women in ST and media. I've talked more about sex and probably more openly than I ever have in my life, I've fallen in love with space and sci fi, I appear to have lost all shame, and I signed up for a big bang. I've fallen in love with genderbending and tentacle sex, and last Saturday my_daroga, Mr. Daroga, and I drove all the way down to Portland to see the episode "Amok Time" performed live in a park by some dudes with bad costumes. I have actually not read that much ST fanfiction, because I've been too consumed by the kink meme, and how much there is, and confused about what is going on in ST fandom and where it is going on, and how to find any of it. I do not think I've figured in the fandom at all, I have met very few people in it, I've felt unable to post any of my fic or meta, and feel like I'm dancing the periphery of something I'd really like to be a part of, but feel too overwhelmed or self-conscious to really join.

I've felt overwhelming confusion about how to express all this on my livejournal, because despite the fact that long ago I stopped living and breathing Buffyverse, I still feel that's where I made most my friends, and I feel like talking about ST the way I did about BtVS would bore most people here, but going and meeting new people and trying to get them interested in me and being interested in them feels really intimidating because I'm shy in some ways, and anyway I still want to have things to say to the awesome people I already know here. But my flist is really overwhelming, and I don't know what's going on with anyone, and I really miss you all!

So, that's me. What's up with you? *puts chin in hands, ready to listen*

Comments

[dovil.livejournal.com]

Good to see you about! And I get how you feel about LJ - I'm lazy and flounder and just post a lot and see what happends. Being proactive seems like way too much hard work. :D

[tkp.livejournal.com]

I wish I was better at floundering! I get so tied up about things.

nice to see you too!