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(no subject)
I hate everything. I'm upset by everything. I'm a terrible friend and an awful supervisor and a miserable everything. Everything is horrible and everything hurts. This'll be over in approximately twelve hours, guys. Hold onto your butts.*
Except writing. I still like that. And I like comments on my writing. I like the good ones, but I also like finding the bad ones. I've rarely if ever received negative comments directly to a fic I've written, and if I do usually that person says something nice, too. These aren't bad, but then there are the hidden bad ones. The hidden ones that possibly no one expects you to see because they don't know how you hunger and ache for the bad ones.
I should qualify that in my experience the hidden bad ones aren't really so bad either. Generally the bad ones are sort of nice! Because usually if someone bookmarks your fic, it's because they like it, no matter how blunt they're self-written description of your fic is. And I've had fics mentioned on anon memes, but usually if it gets mentioned and people are discussing it you at least know people are reading your fic and think it's worth talking about, which is flattering.
I've been thinking about crit lately and I never ask for it anymore. Back when I used to ask I was disappointed when I didn't get crit, and when I did get it, it was either a) stuff I knew already, or b) stuff I wasn't inclined to fix. For instance, (a), I know that the ending of The Boy Who Only Lived Twice is rushed, tells and doesn't show, leaves plot holes, and throws off the pacing of the whole story. Do not need other people to tell me. Or regarding (b), I know that you don't like that The Pure And Simple Truth doesn't end with Harry/Draco romance resolution. I know it's disappointing to you, but I'm not interested in another ending. So I've just stopped asking.
But then when I see comments that say, "Gee, the end to The Boy Who Only Lived Twice was really rushed," or "Gee, I wish The Pure and Simple Truth had making-out at the end"--I don't know why, but I get really happy! I pump my fist! Yes, I was right! Yes, the end of "He Who Must Not Be Normal" makes no sense, and it's because I messed up! Yes, the end of "The Kids Weren't Alright" is unsatisfying, and I did it on purpose! Yes, "Let's Stop The Time Warp" is clunky and boring in places and it's because I got tired of it--sing it! Yes, "The Chuck Writes Story" is disgustingly meta; it was meant to be revoltingly meta! Yes! Yes!
When I see things like this I get really satisfied. I thought "The Hollow Men" was going to be wanky, and then it wasn't. But when I finally found it being discussed on an anon meme, I was glad that some people had a problem with it, because it is difficult subject matter, and while I tried really, really, really hard, when I finished it I still thought aspects of it were problematic. Seeing others say so made me trust my judgment better. They hadn't understood what I was trying to do, but that was part of the problem with the fic. It could have been better.
So, I like that reinforcement, but for some reason I don't like it as much when someone says it to me directly. Why? Idk. My guess is that when someone says it directly to me I feel the need to explain, and then I'm explaining my failures over and over again. But when I see people noting things for themselves or talking to other people, I know I can walk on by, while still getting information that I want. The problem is you can't really solicit that kind of thing. You can only hope you can find it.
*Jurassic Park isn't horrible.
Except writing. I still like that. And I like comments on my writing. I like the good ones, but I also like finding the bad ones. I've rarely if ever received negative comments directly to a fic I've written, and if I do usually that person says something nice, too. These aren't bad, but then there are the hidden bad ones. The hidden ones that possibly no one expects you to see because they don't know how you hunger and ache for the bad ones.
I should qualify that in my experience the hidden bad ones aren't really so bad either. Generally the bad ones are sort of nice! Because usually if someone bookmarks your fic, it's because they like it, no matter how blunt they're self-written description of your fic is. And I've had fics mentioned on anon memes, but usually if it gets mentioned and people are discussing it you at least know people are reading your fic and think it's worth talking about, which is flattering.
I've been thinking about crit lately and I never ask for it anymore. Back when I used to ask I was disappointed when I didn't get crit, and when I did get it, it was either a) stuff I knew already, or b) stuff I wasn't inclined to fix. For instance, (a), I know that the ending of The Boy Who Only Lived Twice is rushed, tells and doesn't show, leaves plot holes, and throws off the pacing of the whole story. Do not need other people to tell me. Or regarding (b), I know that you don't like that The Pure And Simple Truth doesn't end with Harry/Draco romance resolution. I know it's disappointing to you, but I'm not interested in another ending. So I've just stopped asking.
But then when I see comments that say, "Gee, the end to The Boy Who Only Lived Twice was really rushed," or "Gee, I wish The Pure and Simple Truth had making-out at the end"--I don't know why, but I get really happy! I pump my fist! Yes, I was right! Yes, the end of "He Who Must Not Be Normal" makes no sense, and it's because I messed up! Yes, the end of "The Kids Weren't Alright" is unsatisfying, and I did it on purpose! Yes, "Let's Stop The Time Warp" is clunky and boring in places and it's because I got tired of it--sing it! Yes, "The Chuck Writes Story" is disgustingly meta; it was meant to be revoltingly meta! Yes! Yes!
When I see things like this I get really satisfied. I thought "The Hollow Men" was going to be wanky, and then it wasn't. But when I finally found it being discussed on an anon meme, I was glad that some people had a problem with it, because it is difficult subject matter, and while I tried really, really, really hard, when I finished it I still thought aspects of it were problematic. Seeing others say so made me trust my judgment better. They hadn't understood what I was trying to do, but that was part of the problem with the fic. It could have been better.
So, I like that reinforcement, but for some reason I don't like it as much when someone says it to me directly. Why? Idk. My guess is that when someone says it directly to me I feel the need to explain, and then I'm explaining my failures over and over again. But when I see people noting things for themselves or talking to other people, I know I can walk on by, while still getting information that I want. The problem is you can't really solicit that kind of thing. You can only hope you can find it.
*Jurassic Park isn't horrible.
no subject
Well, people often phrase those things as crit: "There should have been more sex." Which is fine; I'm still okay with disregarding it. I guess, basically, I have pretty strong opinions about my own writing, about what does and doesn't work, and am doubtful of the random person on the street being about to tell me anything about how it SHOULD be. I am, however, willing and interested to hear how it came across TO THEM, and that feels like a really different question to me.
As far as finding people to comment on my writing, I was mostly thinking of my alpha readers. I have one who I basically send scenes to as I finish them, partly just to say I did, and she does the same with her stuff, and we cheer each other on but also ask each other about things we don't get or aren't sure about. Sometimes I'll ask her to read a complete draft over again, if I'm feeling anxious about some aspect of it. Obviously that's not the same as commentary on a finished product, but I still find it really helpful. Anyway, crit on a finished product always feels a little useless to me; it's not like I'm going to go edit it after the fact, except for things like typos.
I don't know. I am just blathering at this point.
no subject
Whoa. Yeah. I think you just lit upon the thing that makes me like crit not directed at me. I didn't realize that was it. I like to hear people say what it felt like to them, not what they think I should have done. THIS IS AMAZING.
I was mostly thinking of my alpha readers. I have one who I basically send scenes to as I finish them, partly just to say I did, and she does the same with her stuff, and we cheer each other on but also ask each other about things we don't get or aren't sure about.
Yeah I don't really know how to get people like that.
no subject
Yeah, I don't really know, either. Mine have all been accidental. Like, they were people I talked to anyway - the kind of people I write to when I discover a really weird and possible transferable-to-werepeople form of animal reproduction - and then I asked them to beta something, and there you go. I don't have a strategy, I'm afraid.
no subject
My favorite crit method is definitely based on response, not prescription. I love it because as soon as somebody says "you should do it this way," my ornery brain immediately rebels, and it's hard to redirect that. But response crit is fascinating, because even if they didn't like it or it didn't work for them, I can at least sometimes use that to see where the problem in the story is. (Granted, sometimes the problem is that that reader is not at all my audience, but that's okay.) And responses - especially the "I wanted more of this" or "I was confused about this" or "I wondered about this" - can also help when I haven't developed something enough, show me where the holes are.
It's hard to find writing partners. I always marvel at people who do co-authoring, too - how does that even work?