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To hell with characterization!
It's all about how they look!
Either this stuff gets off my chest,
Angel does not have wide hips. I suspect that those of you who have said his hips are wide have said so because it is a "standard of beauty." This is a standard of feminine beauty, usually. (Unless you're Joss Whedon. Does Faith's, Inara's, and Gwen's lack of hippage make anyone else wince? The girl's are gorgeous, and hot, but . . . there's no grip!) Anyway, DB has the *narrowest* hips since the triangle was inverted.
Spike's cheekbones cannot cut anything. Spike's cheekbones have never appeared on midnight infomercials. They do not slice. They do not dice.You cannot get a free blowjob when you order them Stricken due to quick perusal of Ebay. Apparently, you can.
Xander never had washboard abs. And okay, even if he did in s4 (or was it 5?) when NB looked so good and they were doing his hair right, YOU COULD NOT WASH DISHES ON HIM. Spike doesn't even *wash* the damn dishes. Unless you're in a![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
femmenerd fic in which she'd so work it.
Angel is pale. Paler than most people. If you call him tan, even in all-human crack AUs, OZ WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.
Let's all admit it right now. Spike is not only sexy, he is Teh Sex. But how many times do you have to say in a fic, Spike is made of sex, Spike is sex personified, Spike is sex made flesh? Evengermaine_pet herself can only get away with an innocent little Spike's an intensely sexual creature here or there, but YOU probably shouldn't even try. Yes YOU. YOU WHO IS READING THIS RIGHT NOW. Including me because I just wrote that right now. (Who wants to know if germaine_pet just read that right now and had an out of body moment of existential crisis before regaining her sense of identity and floating back to earth on a cloud made of . . . of . . . SEX? I WANT TO KNOW, PERSONALLY. *boggles*)
I have difficulty with the idea of Angel having "thick" lips. Brangelina have enough lip to create a third lip country of their own where children unfortunate enough to have been born with poor lips get an extra third lip courtesy of Brangelina themselves. Gunn and Faith have a loveshack there, but ANGEL DOES NOT LIVE THERE. But Spike does when he does the lip thing. YOU KNOW THE LIP THING I'M TALKING ABOUT.
Speaking of which, Spike, TAKE OFF THOSE LIPS AND GIVE CUPID BACK HIS BOW, YOU DAMN THEIF, GEEZ.
Spike is not taller than Wesley.
For once I'd like Angel's hair to be to be prickley, slightly course, and sticky with gel, instead of silky. For once I'd like Spike's hair to be hard and caked and slightly uncomfortable to grab, instead of . . . silky. The next time I read about anyone sinking their hands into S2-6's Spike's hair KEN DOLLS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.
Spike's eyes are not chips. Not of saphires and not of ice. They are not sour cream n' onion flavored, they are not BBQ, they are not salt and vinegar, and they do not pass go. And yes, I know he's from England, and you know what? SPIKE'S EYES STILL DON'T COME WITH FISH!
Buffy HAS and ass. God, I love it.
Xander's lips are not often cherry red. His eyes are quite chocolately, I'll give you that because I am generous and made of sweetness and light, but THERE IS NO CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS SUNDAE, SNOOKUMS. EAT IT AND LOVE IT.
I don't know about you guys, but cigarette smoke trumps both leather and the slight tang of whiskey, sorry, unless you have super vamp senses. WHICH XANDER DOESN'T!
eta: Though if it's S4, or your AU in which S & X are lovers, and assuming Xander let's Spike smoke in the basement/apartment/loveshack, Xander might very well have become acclimated. In which case, he could smell Spike's leather and whiskey smells. He could also smell Spike's demon goo, hair gel and come. And he could leisurely grab Spike by the front of his pants and jerk the vampire's hips against his. And he could take a whiff, in the sexy hyena!Xander fashion, then slowly lean in as if to nip Spike's ear. Instead he'd say--smooth, like white backs and red tongues and so much promise, "You smell like sex." Spike'd snort. "Made've sex, love. Sex personified. Sex made flesh. Or did you forget it and me've been declared synonymous, now?"
Dude! I just wrote S/X! *feels proud*
*
And now for something completely different. Or okay, tangentially related, but not really.
I want to do a Bad!fic Ficathon. Actually, I want to do a Reclaim Fandom From Its Percieved Takeover By What You Percieve As Bad!fic Ficathon. RFFIPTBWYPABF!F for short. It's not about writing bad!fic, though that would be fun. It's taking an idea that you personally think can only end in bad (start with bad! *snorfle* I'm so clever!) and making it good.
Because I actually don't believe there are bad ideas, only bad writers and bad execution. I want to see writers:
a. write something they've seen and sneered at, or thought couldn't be done well, but then DO IT and DO IT WELL,
b. write utter crack, UTTERLY CRACKTASTIC CRACK, and make it wonderful and beautiful and something everyone would love reading, and not through the powers of Xander's Magic Cock, but through powerful writing and plot and thought even if Angel IS wearing a toutou as Spike foresaw in "In The Dark," or
c. write some other thing that takes ideas and methods that you consider "bad" and uses them for good.
(On that last one: for instance, I'm dying to write this fic where Spike gets trapped in an AU where he's a princess and beefy Angel is beating him black and blue with omg, alliteration, where the Real Angel is forced to go save Spike. Of course, the Real Angel would only point and laugh and keep Spikella on picture-in-picture with a hockey game, and point and laugh some more while drinking otter blood in a leather chair. BUT OTTER BLOOD IS NOT THE POINT! I WOULD MAKE ANGEL SAVE THE PRINCESS AND I WOULD MAKE IT GOOD!)
So, um, anyone interested?
ETA: I should add, I don't enter ficathons. I can't. It's beyond me. But I would run one. How hypocritical and perverse is that?
Either this stuff gets off my chest,
Angel does not have wide hips. I suspect that those of you who have said his hips are wide have said so because it is a "standard of beauty." This is a standard of feminine beauty, usually. (Unless you're Joss Whedon. Does Faith's, Inara's, and Gwen's lack of hippage make anyone else wince? The girl's are gorgeous, and hot, but . . . there's no grip!) Anyway, DB has the *narrowest* hips since the triangle was inverted.
Spike's cheekbones cannot cut anything. Spike's cheekbones have never appeared on midnight infomercials. They do not slice. They do not dice.
Xander never had washboard abs. And okay, even if he did in s4 (or was it 5?) when NB looked so good and they were doing his hair right, YOU COULD NOT WASH DISHES ON HIM. Spike doesn't even *wash* the damn dishes. Unless you're in a
femmenerd fic in which she'd so work it.Angel is pale. Paler than most people. If you call him tan, even in all-human crack AUs, OZ WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.
Let's all admit it right now. Spike is not only sexy, he is Teh Sex. But how many times do you have to say in a fic, Spike is made of sex, Spike is sex personified, Spike is sex made flesh? Even
germaine_pet herself can only get away with an innocent little Spike's an intensely sexual creature here or there, but YOU probably shouldn't even try. Yes YOU. YOU WHO IS READING THIS RIGHT NOW. Including me because I just wrote that right now. (Who wants to know if germaine_pet just read that right now and had an out of body moment of existential crisis before regaining her sense of identity and floating back to earth on a cloud made of . . . of . . . SEX? I WANT TO KNOW, PERSONALLY. *boggles*)I have difficulty with the idea of Angel having "thick" lips. Brangelina have enough lip to create a third lip country of their own where children unfortunate enough to have been born with poor lips get an extra third lip courtesy of Brangelina themselves. Gunn and Faith have a loveshack there, but ANGEL DOES NOT LIVE THERE. But Spike does when he does the lip thing. YOU KNOW THE LIP THING I'M TALKING ABOUT.
Speaking of which, Spike, TAKE OFF THOSE LIPS AND GIVE CUPID BACK HIS BOW, YOU DAMN THEIF, GEEZ.
Spike is not taller than Wesley.
For once I'd like Angel's hair to be to be prickley, slightly course, and sticky with gel, instead of silky. For once I'd like Spike's hair to be hard and caked and slightly uncomfortable to grab, instead of . . . silky. The next time I read about anyone sinking their hands into S2-6's Spike's hair KEN DOLLS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN.
Spike's eyes are not chips. Not of saphires and not of ice. They are not sour cream n' onion flavored, they are not BBQ, they are not salt and vinegar, and they do not pass go. And yes, I know he's from England, and you know what? SPIKE'S EYES STILL DON'T COME WITH FISH!
Buffy HAS and ass. God, I love it.
Xander's lips are not often cherry red. His eyes are quite chocolately, I'll give you that because I am generous and made of sweetness and light, but THERE IS NO CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS SUNDAE, SNOOKUMS. EAT IT AND LOVE IT.
I don't know about you guys, but cigarette smoke trumps both leather and the slight tang of whiskey, sorry, unless you have super vamp senses. WHICH XANDER DOESN'T!
eta: Though if it's S4, or your AU in which S & X are lovers, and assuming Xander let's Spike smoke in the basement/apartment/loveshack, Xander might very well have become acclimated. In which case, he could smell Spike's leather and whiskey smells. He could also smell Spike's demon goo, hair gel and come. And he could leisurely grab Spike by the front of his pants and jerk the vampire's hips against his. And he could take a whiff, in the sexy hyena!Xander fashion, then slowly lean in as if to nip Spike's ear. Instead he'd say--smooth, like white backs and red tongues and so much promise, "You smell like sex." Spike'd snort. "Made've sex, love. Sex personified. Sex made flesh. Or did you forget it and me've been declared synonymous, now?"
Dude! I just wrote S/X! *feels proud*
*
And now for something completely different. Or okay, tangentially related, but not really.
I want to do a Bad!fic Ficathon. Actually, I want to do a Reclaim Fandom From Its Percieved Takeover By What You Percieve As Bad!fic Ficathon. RFFIPTBWYPABF!F for short. It's not about writing bad!fic, though that would be fun. It's taking an idea that you personally think can only end in bad (start with bad! *snorfle* I'm so clever!) and making it good.
Because I actually don't believe there are bad ideas, only bad writers and bad execution. I want to see writers:
a. write something they've seen and sneered at, or thought couldn't be done well, but then DO IT and DO IT WELL,
b. write utter crack, UTTERLY CRACKTASTIC CRACK, and make it wonderful and beautiful and something everyone would love reading, and not through the powers of Xander's Magic Cock, but through powerful writing and plot and thought even if Angel IS wearing a toutou as Spike foresaw in "In The Dark," or
c. write some other thing that takes ideas and methods that you consider "bad" and uses them for good.
(On that last one: for instance, I'm dying to write this fic where Spike gets trapped in an AU where he's a princess and beefy Angel is beating him black and blue with omg, alliteration, where the Real Angel is forced to go save Spike. Of course, the Real Angel would only point and laugh and keep Spikella on picture-in-picture with a hockey game, and point and laugh some more while drinking otter blood in a leather chair. BUT OTTER BLOOD IS NOT THE POINT! I WOULD MAKE ANGEL SAVE THE PRINCESS AND I WOULD MAKE IT GOOD!)
So, um, anyone interested?
ETA: I should add, I don't enter ficathons. I can't. It's beyond me. But I would run one. How hypocritical and perverse is that?
no subject
Aww, I think so. I love Pylea more than words.
no subject
Ahem. Anyway, yeah, Pylea. The only reason I really like it is it's a reason why Angel isn't there for Buffy when she's in the battle of her life (death). I like some of the ideas: Fred's enslavement, Wesley stepping up, Angel dealing with a true line drawn between his humanity and demon . . . ity. And his line about the Tower of London. WHICH I HAVE NOT SEEN FIC ON YET. But I thought the world of Pylea was too silly and unbelievable for me to get past. Like BtVS/AtS you have to swallow the premise to like it and in this instance I couldn't.
no subject
What I love about Pylea is the insane black-and-whiteness of it all -- something that Angel is longing for, but then when he has to deal with it, it's overwhelming and terrifying, which Lorne *warns* him about, but...whatever. It's just such a great mirror-world to LA.
no subject
The thing is I had trouble with the part where Lorne was talking about how awful his world was, how it was all heroes and champions versus evil etc, and Angel got the dreamy look on his face. I don't think Angel *would* appreciate a world without art or music etc; he's too much of an artist. And I would think Angel would be self aware enough to know it wouldn't suit him.
But while I found that part weirdly ooc for Angel, I do think he might wish for a world of good vs evil, his humanity vs his demon, etc, and not necessarily realize that that goes hand in hand with no beauty or artistry or song, and then when he is faced with that black and white world to have it turn and bite him in the ass. So basically I agree I just wanted to bitch about that one scene with Lorne in LA.
While I'm bitching about Pylea I wish Angel's pure vamp form had looked like the uber vamps from BtVS S7. Which would've made sense and would've also looked better than a dinosaur.