lettered | Fandom list o' links #?

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Is everybody and their mother rewatching BtVS from the beginning? Because about 4 different people have said they were, just recently. We should all do a MASSIVE REWATCH TOGETHER.

So, I was reading about

aea's freaky crush on the Rice Krispies guys, and it got me wondering, do you have any erstwhile freaky crushes from way back when? I'm not just talkin' Emilio Estevez (yes, I did, and yes, it's freaky. It was all about Mighty Ducks) I'm talkin' downright weird. Like how I was massively a Baloo/that-bear-woman shipper, from "Talespin," and how there was mental fanfic about that movie star cat lady getting between them. ~~Or like how I was in love with Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles.~~ Stricken because I am still in love with Goliath from Disney's Gargoyles. C'mon, fess up. Freaky crushes.

Reason #859 why I love fandom: because

rahirah's post about the size of Angel's schlong made

metafandom. Also, dude. Look at us, looking at our navels. We write navel!fic. We ship inny/outy, and write inny/outy porn, sometimes outy/outy porn and inny/inny porn, and sometimes navel fluff, which is nothing like navel lint, because that we pull out of ourselves with a kind of wonderous awe and say, "look! Look! Contrails of my navel!", and navel meta, and navel wars, and navel manips, and navel wank, which is like sticking your finger into your bellybutton and just digging a hole so deep we can see inside your insides and laugh and laugh at all the gooey stuff there, until we turn away in vomitting disgust, and the upchunk so hard we start laughing again, for lo, the same vile goo is in us as is in you! Oh, girls, except not you because you are a man but you're welcome too!, let us hold hands and bare our midriffs, except have nothing like that one creepy commercial 5 years ago where navels kept singing, "I'm Comin' Out," except we WILL be singing that, singing about our undying love for each other, and our midriffs, and our navels, and the size of Angel's schlong.

In other news, I love Buffy. Seriously, I adore that gal. She just--tingles me.

P.S., That AoQ guy I told you about just did a review for IWRY. And you know what, I've said over and over again that I'm just not the biggest fan of that ep, but I think I must be a liar, a total liar, never trust me again, because I'm thinking about it now, and how much I love me my B/A, and how I got to see them perfectly happy but Buffy never did, not really, and the AoQ LIKED it, which just I don't know, makes my navel feel really really full, almost throbbing, like I'm gonna cry, because everything (ok almost everything; he bashes Cordy too much. But the bit about SMG is sarcastic because he really likes her) he says is true, and he doesn't know that Doyle is going to die, and he doesn't know what a great show AtS is yet but he's going to, he's going to (/Yoda) and

l_aurens never will because she won't believe me about Connor, and--a-and he gave it an "Excellent," and what was I thinking, ever, it is excellent, because it's BUFFY AND ANGEL KISSING ON A TABLE, and then Doyle dies, and Buffy dies, and Buffy hates herself, and Angel has a son he loves but can't keep, JUST LIKE BUFFY, no Buffy doesn't have a son but you know what I mean, and even though Buffy gets to not be alone in the end it's still sad because she always will be alone, in a way, because that's who she is, and what about Angel in the end, what about Angel and Spike and Gunn and even Illyria, even Illyria damn her because I loved her, her and all of them.

Except Joyce.

/emo

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No weird crushes for me, unless you want to count Danny Miler from junior high right through high school. I think I'm finally over him though.

People who don;t love Buffy are not part of my radar.

I haven't been reading the acq reviews for a while now partly because his view of the show doesn't have much in common with mine. The Wish is only rated Decent? Does not compute.

ACQ's review of IWRY includes the following comment: It could be called a true hero's sacrifice, or patronizing martyr-complex stuff.

He goes for true hero but imo, what most people fail to see (and this holds for all the characters), is it's both. People are contradictary.

I've read a lot of people who claim that thsi proves that Angel really doesn't love Buffy since given the chnace he goes back to backing a vampre but they must not have been watching the show I was watching. For the first, last and only time we see an Angel who's not only truly happy but an Angel who's unburderned by the past. The permenaent film that unspools behind his eyes reminding him of his crimes seems to have been switched off. So to say he gives it back because he'd rather be a vampore is insanity. And it obviously haunts him forever:

from NFA:
ANGEL: I don't remember what it was like... being human. It was too long ago.

HARMONY: (shrugs) Not so great. Zits. Dandruff. Mortality. Although I do remember... my heart. (smiles) And the way it would thump when I kissed a really hot boy for the first time.

It's obvious from the way Angel looks here, he remembers all tooo well.

So why does he turn back. IMO, it's partly because he doesn't think he deserves it, although I don't think that's the deciding factor. Also, he is not convinced (even now) that Buffy wouldn't be better off without him. And that's that martyr complex that I think he has. He belives that people are always better off without him in their lives.

There's also the hero side of the equation. The world does need him as a fighter.

But for my money, his real reason is he's lead to belive that if he stays human, Buffy will die sooner. He never thinks to ask whether that's a correct assumption (it obviously isn't) but that's what it stems from.

People who don;t love Buffy are not part of my radar.

Heh. Sometimes I want to kick her off my radar, but I can't because I love her too much.

I haven't been reading the acq reviews for a while now partly because his view of the show doesn't have much in common with mine. The Wish is only rated Decent? Does not compute.

Yeah! But a lot of his views of the show tend to be in common with mine, it's just the way we process them that's different. I think a lot of the things he points out as problems with certain eps are very true. I just think that the good stuff outweighs the not so good in most cases, and I also tend to take the not so good stuff with more humor and benefit of the doubt than he does.

ACQ's review of IWRY includes the following comment: It could be called a true hero's sacrifice, or patronizing martyr-complex stuff.

He goes for true hero but imo, what most people fail to see (and this holds for all the characters), is it's both. People are contradictary.

That was my favorite line in his review. And another example of how a lot of his thoughts are spot on, and I just come to different conclusions/opinions about stuff than he does, because I totally agree with you; Angel is both. That's a lot of what AtS is about, imo. And I don't actually think those two things are contradictory. I think that to really be a hero, a really big hero, you have to have a patronizing martyr-complex. You have to think it's me me me, it's only me who can do this, I should get to suffer this pain and I should get to die for everyone's sins because I'm so special, blah blah I'm Christ blah. Or else you're just gonna say, but yeah, shouldn't someone else be doing this? It's why he gives up Buffy and Connor, why he takes on the Senior partners. It's also why he fires everyone in S2 and kills Drogyn.

I've read a lot of people who claim that thsi proves that Angel really doesn't love Buffy since given the chnace he goes back to backing a vampre but they must not have been watching the show I was watching.

I'll say.

But for my money, his real reason is he's lead to belive that if he stays human, Buffy will die sooner. He never thinks to ask whether that's a correct assumption (it obviously isn't) but that's what it stems from.

I agree with all your reasons. I would also add--have I said this before?--he wouldn't give a fuck if the Oracles said, "you can't do anything to prevent her death; she'll die just as soon whether you're human or not". Angel and AtS and Joss Whedon are all about the effort. He needs to try, even if he can't make a difference at all. Which is why it must just utterly break him that he wasn't there to try to save her.

Yes, I agree that martyrs do have to feel like they're a special breed apart. Of course, in Angel's case, he's constantly being told this is the case, so I can't blame the guy. IMO, he's being used but doesn't see it.

Not only wuld I suspect he was devestated by his failure to save her but I have to wonder if he was angry at assuming his sacrifice would extend her life when it didn't. That's got to be so much worse.

Of course, in Angel's case, he's constantly being told this is the case, so I can't blame the guy.

Huh, I never thought about it that way before. He didn't start with the whole hero/martyr thing until Whistler told him he had a place in the universe. Cool.

I have to wonder if he was angry at assuming his sacrifice would extend her life when it didn't. That's got to be so much worse.

Oh yeah. But I just don't think knowing that would've changed his decision.

Maybe it wouldn't have changed his mind. But at least he would have known it was a long shot. This way he has to wonder if he was played for a fool.

(Plus knowing she was destined to die, I think he would have behaved differently. I suspect he would have been skulking around Sunnydale a lot.)

I think you're right. Hey, someone should try to write a fic in which instead of going to Pylea there's a big BTVS cross-over. Wasn't that the original plan? Anyway there should be a fic.

And how're you? Haven't seen you about. I reckon you're just busy but I wanted to ask if everything is okay just in case. And also say hi and let you know your lovely presence is missed!

Beyond busy. I have read anything on LJ since early Monday? Tuesday? I can't even remember. I saw your e-mail but I didn't even read your betas. I'm hoping to do your beta tomorrow.

I'm just so wiped out - running in place with no end in sight.

As always, please don't stress about the beta. I mean of course I'd like it, but not if it adds to your stress level.

I'm sorry things are so crazy! But I'm glad to hear you're not dead in a ditch. I hope things settle down for you soon. Love ya!

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