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Intellectual inquiry
What is a Master vampire? Is it like, an internship? 20 years with Angelus you get a degree in vampirism? Is this anything at all like how ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.
How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
I never Know about you and these questions ....
Depends on your universe/canon. Generally, I believe, it's based around age and strength. Typically the older a vampire is the more power he has. At some point he's powerful enough to control other vampires or people or whatever and he's a master. But that's all very Anita Blake. Although, I think S1's Master was someone along those lines. He looked to much like what we later discovered to be the Turok Han not to be very old and very powerful and therefore Somebody's Master.
How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
As many as it takes, you know. Dried Frog Pills.
Can't some erections be [...] advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
I am dying right now with laughter. We're talking milk out of my nose and that is so not professional.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
It's like a coven. Or more like a kiss (the collective noun). Just a group but with hierarchy, of course. Think aristocracy.
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
*slowly raises hand* Me and my BFF talk in circles for hours at a time. I think four may be the record. The problem is that I talk A LOT and I have a tendency to wander away on these tangents that lead off onto more tangents and so forth and so on. I seldom remember what my point was at any given moment.
Did I miss out on that?
OMG, I hope I did. *shudders*
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
I gave Buffy a tiny almost orgasm. Mostly she was faking for the camera. That would be "and if you should have a future".
The pregnancy question? OMGWTF!!!! (please take note of the necessity of additional exclamation points)
I really don't think I want to know where these question came from. I have the vague, disconcerting feeling that they were inspired by really, really, really, god-awfully bad fic. If that's true then that is a tragedy. A big one. Dude.
Re: I never Know about you and these questions ....
Is this where it comes from, then?
*slowly raises hand* Me and my BFF talk in circles for hours at a time.
I have had long conversations about everything and nothing. But it's once in a blue moon, mostly because we don't have *time*. It just seems like this is a catch-phrase fic authors use to say characters are getting to know each other, just so they can say the "I love you" part. I'd rather they actually get to know each other and *not* say the "I love you" part.
"and if you should have a future"
This fic isn't in your memories, so I couldn't find an lj entry to leave fb. Your langauge is really beautiful, and I love that ugly-raw stuff you did that we talked about, and sometimes I could *see* Buffy and sometimes it was another person entirely, which was surreal and quite cool. Yeah, definitely not-good-but-good-sex; I wish there was more writing like that in fandom.
I have the vague, disconcerting feeling that they were inspired by really, really, really, god-awfully bad fic. If that's true then that is a tragedy. A big one. Dude.
I find bad fic entertaining. But actually, stuff like "velvet over steel" and impressions of fingernails happens in lots of good fics--I just did the fingernail thing myself!--but some of it just get so old. Other stuff, like mpreg--well, I see the links to those, but I've never really read one.