Intellectual inquiry

[lettered]

What is a Master vampire? Is it like, an internship? 20 years with Angelus you get a degree in vampirism? Is this anything at all like how stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.

How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.

How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.

Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?

Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.

What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?

How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?

Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?

Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?

Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?

If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?

Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?

Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.

Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*

Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*

How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.

When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?

And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?

Velvet? Over? Steel?

Comments

[i-palimpsest.livejournal.com]

1. Master - Bator.
2. OMG!!!!!!! Depends how excited you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Not as often as he deserves.
4. Or possibly just cock hard? Cause a cock that was ACTUALLY rock hard would be uncomfortable in the old love folds there :)
5. Because NIN are quite pushy. And if you don't put them in your fic they will come round and leave your taps on and prank call your Mum. It's just safer to quote them. Even if they are only using you to get to God. (NO NIN - Fuck me like an animal for ME not Him!!)
6. It's like Henry VIII's one wrong move and your head's off.
7. Most of my long conversations are about everything and nothing, like this one. One was about the glass ceiling for half casts in the Romulan military.
8. I did when I was 15. But then there were no diamonds. I know people who proabably would - but they can't afford the diamonds either . . . . and NIN would so not make an appearance.
9. Do NIN prank call your Mum? Depends why they are screaming. Screeching anything is a turn off in RL. exp. Screeching 12 yr old girls. (Ah the pain of guide leading!)
10. Why - What would be the point? It'd like a weak climax to the story.
11. Because we'd just get excited about being able to pee standing up (cause you know- useful!) and that doesn't get overly interesting.
12. Spike I think - which just goes to show that ppl arn't looking at too many greek statues cause they aint that skrawny. Now Patrick Stewart in Misummer nights in 1977 - THATS greek statuesq.
13. Angelus giggles. - Liam giggles but more drunkenly and less creeepily. So Angel probably does but only when there's no one around - cause you know too cool.
14. ap‧pend‧age  [uh-pen-dij] Pronunciation Key
–noun
1. a subordinate part attached to something; an auxiliary part; addition.
2. Anatomy, Zoology. any member of the body diverging from the axial trunk.

15. the luuuuuuurve muscle.
16. Technically Keening is just Scots for Crying - so yes - but only Scottish people.
17. Hmmm - Surely Giles would just go HA! and let them at it.
18. Never done it - Why? It hurts.
19. Frankly if the appendage in question is velvety - it sounds like a stiff course of antibiotics is required,

[tkp.livejournal.com]

1. FTW!
7. One was about the glass ceiling for half casts in the Romulan military. . . . aaaaaand, for another win!
10. It would be realistic. And actually, sometimes just a little "oh" is really sexy.
14. Wow! Than it is!
16. Oh. For American people it involves rocking yourself and wailing.

[i-palimpsest.livejournal.com]

1. FTW...


WTF?

10. True. Specially when your really tired and don't have the energy for the full symphony.

16. Yeah I think that's its usual usage nowadays. I think only Drusilla would have been an exponent of the art.


tee hee spell check wanted to change Drusilla to Drugola.