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Intellectual inquiry
What is a Master vampire? Is it like, an internship? 20 years with Angelus you get a degree in vampirism? Is this anything at all like how ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.
How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
no subject
I think you mean "week" orgasms. After, Buffy had to be hospitalized because coming for seven straight days does awful things to your metabolism. Not to mention that sore throat.
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
I'd like to see an mpreg fic where they have to pisch all the time. Because that by far is the worst part of being pregnant. And no ever tells you ahead of time.
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Angel is Michelangelo's David. Sheesh, which fics do you read?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
In "Basd Eggs", they modified the directions in the scene where they're kissing in the graveyard. The orginal stage directions are they fall on top of each other, laughing. I assume giggling. But we don't get to see any Angelic giggles, unless you count the insane stuff he does without a soul.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
I do know it doesn't posess an oppsoeable thumb.
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
I have an image now of a little barbell. 3 sets of curls, 10 reps each.
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
Only Eastern European women in peasant dress keen.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
Jealousy on his part, obviously.
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
This is what comes of bad manicures.
Velvet? Over? Steel?
Eggs? Over? Easy?
no subject
He is NOT. David has a small penis. I saw it, I know.
In a *lot* A/S fics, there's this weird phenomenon that one or the other of them is describes as beautiful and godlike and gorgeous, and the other one is just pretty. Like, *raptures* over Spike and Angel is hot too, or completely vice versa. It's weird.
But we don't get to see any Angelic giggles, unless you count the insane stuff he does without a soul.
But aren't those more, chortles, than giggles? Most men just don't . . . giggle, unless they're the Trio.
I have an image now of a little barbell. 3 sets of curls, 10 reps each.
Um. Ew? Isn't that like, a Prince Albert, or something.
Eggs? Over? Easy?
HAHHAHAH! You completely win! Your answers were the bestest. I love you and your snark. Prompt me with an idea for a really really short B/A scene. Please oh please! I'll probably never do it though, but I *want* to!
no subject
Prince Albert And can I say "ouch". (I was thinking more in terms of bicep curls. Up, down, up, down. No?)
I don't even know what eggs over easy means. Other than I had them for breakfast yesterday on a roll with cheese.
Short scene? Angel and Buffy discuss Michelangelo's David.
no subject
I like my eggs over medium hard.
Huh! I'll try. And like I said, probably fail. But thank you!
no subject
I like runny yolks. And then I scoop it up with bread.
no subject
Except now I want to make you eggs in a basket. I can't eat up because I can never get the egg cooked enough without burning the bread.