![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Intellectual inquiry
What is a Master vampire? Is it like, an internship? 20 years with Angelus you get a degree in vampirism? Is this anything at all like how ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.
How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
stoney321 is a Master Gardener? Or is all of this just a corruption of "Marsters"? Come on now, 'fess up.How many exclamation points do you need? Just curious.
How many times does Xander cry in canon? Can we count? Because whatever the number, I just don't think the ratio equates to once a paragraph and three times in the penultimate paragraph of the page. I really don't.
Can't some erections be, I don't know, kitchen faucet hard, or maybe advanced calculus hard? Why do they all gotta be rock?
Why is NIN always in fic? Always? You do not want to fuck me like an animal. You do not want to feel me from the inside. I do not bring you closer to god. TRUST ME ON THIS.
What's a vampire court? A necro-tinted box for playing tennis? Or maybe it's judicial, and you have to burn your hand on the Bible and solemnly swear you're up to no good? No really, are there like, powdered wigs and stuff?
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Does everyone celebrate one month anniversaries? Is this some really universal thing I missed out on? Where a month went by and we hid the new diamonds and entertainment systems we got each other and surprised each other with them, then one of us had to be disappointed because the reservations we made at the fanciest restaurant in town were vetoed by the other who had rented us the night on the yacht, and there was lobster and formal wear and slow dancing, and the food was never bad and the clothes were always perfect and the slow dancing was probably to NIN, and then there was lots and lots of gentle I love you sex? Did I miss out on that?
Does Spike scream? Is it sexist or something to think screaming is kinda . . . girly? Do screeching men in fic turn anyone else off? Anyone? Can we count the number of times Spike screams in canon, too?
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men? And if men get pregnant, how come they don't have to have periods? And go through menapause? And can someone show me a fic where a women gets a prostate? Please?
Which one gets compared to Greek gods/statues more: Angel or Spike?
Does Angel giggle? Can we count the number of times Angel giggles in canon? Just for the sake of balance, here.
Is cock really an appendage? *wants to know*
Do people really think the penis is a muscle? *doesn't want to know, so much*
How often do people keen? I mean, all people. Can we count the number of times real people in the world have keened? Will it still be less than the number of times Spike keens over Angel and Xander keens over Spike? The comparison would really just be for the sake of intellectual curiosity.
When did Giles turn into the Big Bad trying to keep Spike and Angel apart?
And just how often do people cut their palms with their nails? Is this really something so common that it needs to happen at least once a fic? And if the whole world's gone emo, can't we all just slit our wrists instead of these halfmoon impressions on our palms drawing single ruby drops? Or what?
Velvet? Over? Steel?
no subject
Some are diamond. Which is even more disturbing. Because if you have a hardness competition between a penis and a diamond.. ow. Then again, same with rock, I guess. SMASH. Not very often found in fic.
How often does anyone actually "have long conversations about everything and nothing"?
Almost every night. We call it "chat". It's not romantic though, despite the amount of times the word "cock" is mentioned.
Are there ever weak orgasms in fanfic? Ever?
They really should have that more. Or at least less of "the best EVAH in life". Because that's just... kinda makes for a disappointing life, you know? Plus, a lot of pressure for next time.
If men get to turn into women, how come women don't ever turn into men?
Oh, oh! That does happen. But just like in real life, MTF has more visibility than FTM.
Velvet? Over? Steel?
More or less the reason I replied. Because, I made lots of mistakes in my writing over the years, and I have a lot of badly written cheap porn, trust me, a LOT. But I'm almost sure I've never, ever used that phrase. Or even thought it. So. Kinda proud of self, here.
no subject
Or at least less of "the best EVAH in life".
Okay, exactly! Everyone was like, why would you WANT to read about a weak orgasm? But while I personally would actually like to, what I'm really referring to here is that every orgasm has to be life altering in fic. And that's just . . . in the end, 99.9% of the time, there are things more important in life than orgasm.
Oh, oh! That does happen. But just like in real life, MTF has more visibility than FTM.
Hadn't thought of it that way.
I am pretty sure I have used velvet over steel. I actually think I might've been using it to describe someone's voice, which is worse, because then he has a cock voice. Anyway, I don't think it's that bad, actually, but I just see it so often it drives me crazy now. So, yes, congrats to you!
Thanks for swinging by!
no subject
"Aww, you brought me this for our engagement?" ;)
someone's voice
*Now imagines a guy with a cock in his throat... which really, when one writes slash, not that bad a concept.*
Thanks for swinging by!
Any time. Or is that like, "please leave my lj alone, creepy fella"?
no subject
a . . . cock ring?
Okay, stopping with the penis puns.
And no! Everyone is welcome here.
no subject
Damnit, where has all my penis icons gone.