lettered | Writing when you're COMPLETELY OBSESSED with what you're writing . . .

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Writing when you're COMPLETELY OBSESSED with what you're writing . . .

So I finished my IWRY fic. Do I know why I am posting, since I will be posting about it again when it gets posted on my day? No. Do I care? Not really.

It was nice to write Buffy people again. Even if it was really only four Buffy people, one of which was actually an Angel people. I'm surprised I actually remember how to spell Buffy.

Anyway, I do have discussion points for you all. Don't collectively groan. Or do; I can't hear you so it doesn't matter. Here it is: I find it remarkably easier to write fanfic when I'm not knee-deep in the fandom it pertains to. I'll always love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Angel, but it's not my "thing" right now, and therefore it's easier to write. Remember Man's Best Friend? Which is one of my favorite fics I've written (and yes, I still plan on finishing, so sorry!)? I was not "in" the fandom when I wrote that. I still wanted to write Angel fanfic, obviously, but Angel was not my every waking thought, you know?

I think this is the case because I have So Serious Syndrome. SSS is characterized by general lack of humor, and grim determination. It means you cannot step back from your characters long enough to look at them, or analyze them in a way that isn't completely inside their heads. (In other words, you can't be Spike telling Batman his bat stars are ALL WRONG. <--not a link to that fic, though you should write that fic, yes you; it would be AWESOME.) Also, you're afraid to write anything less than Absolute Perfection, lest you mess them up. The thing is, "perfection", when not suffering from SSS, means a good solid fic with some good ideas and a nice structure and characters doing what they're supposed to and things. "Perfection" under the influence of SSS means that a story has to express everything you love about canon, the characters, everything you've ever thought about them too, and what your grandmother's opinion on this canon would be also, and how you'd address that.

I am suffering from SSS with the novel I am trying to write now. Well, obviously I'm not worried about canon, but I mean, I'm so worried about getting it right, even though I have a backspace button. I stress over it way too much instead of having any fun. That is why I've always hated novels and resorted to fanfic instead, but it sucks when even fanfic makes me contract SSS. I've had SSS for about 2 years now in Harry/Draco fandom, but I think since I'm in another fandom now, I may get over it. Maybe that means I'll be able to write Harry/Draco I actually like?

As for the fandom I'm in now, it's so cracktastic, I think I'm far from the danger of SSS. I had a mild case of it in the beginning, but now it's all ice cream in Commissioner Gordon's mustache, and Bruce Wayne having a daddy kink a mile wide. No one can take that seriously.

So, how 'bout y'all? Ever had SSS?

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OMG. SSS. That describes my symptoms perfectly! I HAVE BECOME BATMAN. YET TO WRITE, I MUST BE DICK GRAYSON. OR MATCHES MALONE.

::is grim::

::stares at paragraphs, which are a cowardly and a superstitious lot::

In brightest day, in blackest night/No humor shall escape my plight/Let all who worship canon's might/Beware its power--the writer's blight.

YAY BATfic.

Wait, what?

Oh yeah, SSS! I'm sorry for your condition :o(

I don't think I've ever had SSS. I obsess only when I want to write and can't, THEN I spend way too much time thinking of the characters and why I love them and what I can say about them and how it should sound/look/feel/smell. Then everything is sad and tragic. Like now. *sigh* Although Agatha has been flirting with me lately. So. Maybe before the end of the year.

I have also just seen Iron Man and I am in total lust with Tony Stark. He's damaged goods, yo! I can't wait to start the fic hunting.

I am SAD about the SSS in novel-zone. I hope you resolve it soon. Writing is supposed to be fun. You love it. We love it. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but yea it is so!!

TELL ME IF YOU FIND GOOD IRON MAN FIC. Eep eep eep. He is so gay.

Yeah. Not being able to write sucks! Did you sign up for IWRY? Will we being seeing stuff from you? I hope you do write before the year's end. DUDE. Write Iron Man! We should totally do a . . . a. . . what're they called, when you write with someone? A collaboration. I'd collaborate with you!

I didn't write for IWRY this time. I can't believe it. I'm STRUGGLING to write a grocery list, let alone actual fic. I can't believe it. A collaboration at this point would be all you, sweetcakes cause I gots Nuthin'.

I could tear my hair out.

I totally get what you mean by SSS even though I do not write fic. One of the reasons I don't even try to write fic is SSS, and I've often thought that if I were going to try, it would have to be in a fandom or about characters I just didn't feel intensely about, because if I cared that much I'd just obsess about not doing it well enough and be unable to do anything at all.

I always think I do better with pretty much anything if I can convince myself "I don't really care (much)! Ha ha!"

I always think I do better with pretty much anything if I can convince myself "I don't really care (much)! Ha ha!"

OMG YES. You speak unto my very soul!

One reason I love my job at my Science Center is science isn't my forte, and not something I'm super into, and I know what I do for the job itself isn't what I'm best at. So I just do my goddamn best, and don't angst about the result!

yes. yes! oh, it makes perfect sense!

i took some time off from writing/fandom in general (for the most part, at least) when some other stuff came up on my life, and for several months i just didn't.

and then, recently, i wanted to start again. but i was like, "oh noes! i'm all disconnected from the characters now! i cannot channel them! i don't remember every single factoid and facial expression! i don't remember the details from every episode! clearly, I CANNOT WRITE."

but i have been. and it feels...still shaky, but. i tell myself i'm lucky to have an really amazing beta who always catches my shortcomings. and i can craft good fic. because the things that hung on, the characteristics and circumstances that managed to stick even when i sort of shook off fandom like water off a dog, those must be the important things. at least to me. those are what i should be writing about, because they resonated that much with me.

so maybe i'm recovering?

SSS. genius.

p.s. i'm excited to read new btvs/ats fic by you.

because the things that hung on, the characteristics and circumstances that managed to stick even when i sort of shook off fandom like water off a dog, those must be the important things. at least to me. those are what i should be writing about, because they resonated that much with me.

Yes yes yes! When I wrote my last Buffyverse fic I was not in the fandom that much, but I still mostly remember all the little details and facial expressions and whatnot. But I haven't written it in a YEAR so when I went to write it this time I was like dude, I don't even remember what happened in the ep I'm trying to write about. But then slowly as I wrote things that were important to what I was writing came back to me, which is a way better way to work than the other way around. (The other way around being, you have all these elements from the shows and you're trying to stuff them all into one thing. As opposed to starting with the one thing, and then as you write, grabbing the elements you need).

And it's absolutely true--we should be writing what's important to us, not the Every Little Detail stuff.

Yes, I have definitely suffered from SSS. Not even attempting to write at the moment, but I know it's still there, lurking.

Ha. It's one of those diseases that hangs around, and resurges when ~~your immune system gets weak~~ you start writing again.

Hey there! So, uh, I'm writing again! A pinch hit for hd_hols. And I'm predictably suffering from SSS! Also realizing I will be in desperate need of a beta. Any possibility you would be available?

Sorry to get to this so late!

I am usually SO available, but obviously, have not been recently. Will not be back to using internet regularly (am visiting relatives who live in Stone Ages) until next week. :o( If you can still use someone after that, then I'm there!

Hey, thanks, and don't worry about the delayed reply. I just assumed it was lj messing up and not getting you timely comment notifications.

It is due on the 10th, though I'd really really like to get it in before then, but it is growing LONGER than I intended it to be, and I am thinking I will not meet my original self-imposed deadline of a complete draft by the end of today. Hmm...what if I get it beta read by whichever other betas I can round up, make revisions, and then have you take a look at THAT draft (at the same time my britpicker looks at it, maybe?)... Would that work for you? What day are you expecting to be back and available again?

If you are able to read it, you will point and laugh at the SSS this fic is so obviously steeped in. ;)

I get back day after tomorrow. Will definitely be able to look at it, so send it on over whenever you're ready.

...no?

I mean, in regards to meta, absolutely. IT WAS ALL SO VITALLY IMPORTANT. But fic, no. Not sure why. But then, one of the things I love about writing BtVS is that it invites the funneh, or at least it does to me, although sometimes I feel I'm standing in the middle of a vast howling wilderness of angst going, "Guys? Canon had jokes!"

I'm kind of like you. I strive to write the best story I can, but I also try to throw in a few jokes and moments of characters doing really dumb stuff, just to lighten the mood. Where I get annoyed with myself is that my jokes are never as funny as I want them to be. Stupid non-funny brain.

Edited 2008-11-19 01:15 (UTC)

Your brain is too funny! :gives it a squirting flower:

I...don't think we're talking about the same thing. But anyway I'm not sure. If you're interested I replied below to Barb.

...I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing?

I didn't mean the fic itself was serious. I meant my approach to it is. Well, the fics are usually Deep And Shit, but I try to make them have funneh, because canon has funneh, the characters have funneh, and they would not be In Character otherwise. So they crack jokes and do ridiculous things, because that's who they are.

But I am very serious about making them do that. And I never let them Say Anything They Would Not Say. But the fic I just wrote, and even Man's Best Friend, I gave them a lot freer rein, and let them go off on whatever a lot more than I usually let them, even though it didn't fit a Perfect Vision Of The Character. Even though I Did Not Know What Was Going On In Their Heads, which is usually very important to me. In fact the entire way I wrote Spike in MBF was by saying, "Okay, I don't get this character. So I'll just make him spew a bunch of stuff that doesn't make sense to me, and he might turn out alright." Whereas if I had had SSS while writing that fic, I'd've made it my mission to Understand Spike and the piece would have been an exploration of me trying to understand him.

What I ended up with in MBF and the thing I just wrote was character occasionally doing things they would not (in the one I just wrote in particular, I find Angel's actions actually implausible). But they come off as An Interesting Take On The Character. But not my One True Take, which is what I go for when I have SSS, and that ends up . . . being labored and complicated and very difficult to write, and probably not as good, in the end.

I hope that makes sense; I don't mean to dump on your comment!

I guess I take my writing pretty seriously. I always want to write the best fic that I can. And I usually do start with some kind of meta in my head, like, "What do I want to say about these characters and their relationships?" But I take a looong time to think about that stuff in my head before I even sit down to write. And when I run into problems, I take a break from the keyboard, go away and think about it for a while longer. Once I find the solution, it's not that difficult for me to get it down on paper. I've come up with solutions to fic problems while walking the dog, making my bed, brewing a cup of tea - even going to the bathroom. (More than you wanted to know. *g*)

Writing is hard, but I find that sitting down to write is the hardest thing of all. My issues have more to do with procrastination than any particular frustration with the process, or the end product.

And I usually do start with some kind of meta in my head, like, "What do I want to say about these characters and their relationships?"

Yes! I'm also interested in using the relationships of the characters to reflect or comment on the Big Themes of the series and my own meta-commentary on those themes, both the ones Joss intended to put there and the ones he probably didn't.

But while that can be hard work, it's not labor in the sense I think TKP means. When I can get everything to come together - plot and theme and character arc and humor and the all-essential vampire porn becoming greater than the sum of the parts - it's glorious.

It is! There's nothing better than when it all comes together.

The process you describe--of thinking of solutions and stuff while making the bed (except for making the bed. I never make my bed. But I mean, doing all the mundane other stuff that takes me away from writing :o)--is totally what I do when I'm swimming in the fandom and it's my thing and what I think about all the time and stuff.

If I'm not in the fandom I just don't bother to come up with solutions. I say, "uhhhh" wave my hands and insert sticky paste, and then don't care if it doesn't work out. The thing I hate is it usually does come out; I mean in the end, I don't hate it.

I use the same thinky process for everything I write, even non-fandom, work-related stuff. So I guess I have SSS all the time. *g*

Maybe we're not. But I'm still thinking no, because for me, writing my One True Version of the characters isn't laborious. (And I really do have only One True Version, for the most part, since I generally write continuing series instead of lots of different what-ifs.)

Arriving at that One True Version may involve a lot of work - I felt for a long time that I didn't have a good grasp on Angel, and I don't know if my version would pass muster with people who are primarily Angel fans (probably not) but I'm happy with my version now; that's who he is in my 'verse, and I can explain why that's who he is and how I back it up with canon and all that stuff. But for me, this isn't a laborious or strained process. (Frustrating, sometimes, if there's a motivational knot I can't easily unravel, but not laborious.) I love it. I get an incredible rush when I solve a character problem in this mode - HAH YOU SNEAKY BASTARD I UNDERSTAND YOU NOW! And the better I feel I understand them, the more comfortable I am playing fast and loose with them.

I think if you're a good enough writer, you can get away with the "Oh, I'll just write X however," because you'll have picked up enough about X through your mad writerly skilz of observation to pull it off. But I can't see myself doing it that way unless I was writing total crackfic. Not just because it wouldn't occur to me, but because I don't grok the need to do it. I read your explanation of why it works for you, and I nod and smile, but part of me is still going "Buh? Don' get it."

(I'm wondering if this is partly because I don't have a hugely strict idea of What Characters Would Never Say. For me it's more like "Under What Circumstances Would They Say This, And If The Only Circumstances I Can Imagine Involve Alien Sex Pollen, Is It Really Worth The Trouble?")

writing my One True Version of the characters isn't laborious.

Yeah, this is probably the main way we differ :o)

(Frustrating, sometimes, if there's a motivational knot I can't easily unravel, but not laborious.)

I guess I don't really see the difference. It stresses me out; I have to work out problems; sometimes I have to chip away at it or try different things to come to the answer. But, like you, when I do find the answer, it's still a rush. That's why I do it, I love the whole process. But it does feel like work to me, just--a labor of love.

But I can't see myself doing it that way unless I was writing total crackfic.

Well, that's what it feels like I'm doing when I don't have SSS. It feels like I'm writing complete crack. Because I'm not bothering to solve the problems or figure things out. I just keep writing what the hell ever! But usually because I'm not trying so hard and sweating blood or whatever, I feel like the result is actually better. And it's a fun of a different kind.

I'm wondering if this is partly because I don't have a hugely strict idea of What Characters Would Never Say. For me it's more like "Under What Circumstances Would They Say This

Oooh, interesting point. Maybe the crux: I said that in the fic I just wrote, I didn't believe Angel would do the things I made him do. That was not true. I believe he could, only, I did not do the work to get him there. Had I had my SSS thing while writing it, I would have done all that work. Because I didn't care as much, and because I was not worried about my One True Characterization, I didn't do the work to get him there. But I feel like I came up with something good, if not something I agree with completely.

Hope it doesn't sound like I'm saying, "no no no this is what I mean!" It's just interesting comparing our different methods.

I guess I don't really see the difference.

I'm not sure how to describe it. I just would never use 'stressed out' to describe how I feel in that kind of situation. It's more like I'm... totally focused, maybe? Sometimes maybe over-focused, because more than once the solution to a really tough problem has come when I take a break and think about something else. But it's not an unpleasant state of mind. I like it. I'm in the grooooooove, and if anything, I'm irritated when the real world comes knocking and I have to get out of it.

I also get like that when I'm solving other kinds of problems - trying to figure out a computer glitch, or an Excel formula. Possibly that means something. Also it occurs to me that I don't actually write crackfic. I write stuff which is intended to be silly and funny and 'not really part of the story' like Barb!Brain Theatre, but I don't write what fandom commonly describes as crackfic. So I don't really have an impetus to develop a different set of writing habits for it, I guess.

Does it matter if you show your work? Because it sounds to me like you're doing the work somewhere in the back of your brain, whether you're writing it all down or not.

This totally makes sense, especially for you. I know I suffered from it but for me it feels like it was a subset of Teen Angst and how everything I wrote had to have Deeper Meaning. Which only resulted in it all sucking, of course, because I was an angsty teen with nothing really to angst about. I'm not sure if I'm that serious about it anymore.

Or if I am... I don't write fic. But I'm not sure if that is because I don't think there's anything that needs to be said about Lawrence/Ali or because I'm afraid to sully it with my words.

Come to think of it, the only fandom I've ever felt comfortable participating in was POTO, and I have been active both in times of SSS and not. So I think my condition is entirely different. But your scenario makes sense, like I said. Only maybe not for me.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I don't think you have SSS either.

But there's something wrong with you; no doubt about it.

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You know, there were times I thought I had that when I was writing Angel, because I was ALWAYS in his head, even when writing Buffy (which... makes sense in MY head). BUT... at the same time, I don't think my writing suffered from it because I also wrote Spike (old school), and saw Angel through his eyes... a less than shiny picture, but not quite as horrible as Angel's self-image.

So, um. yes and no! *G*

I think if you're writing Angel, the absolute best is to be able to see him through both his own eyes and Spike's. Because all the things Angel takes so seriously, Spike doesn't.

So, maybe you were on the right track!

You have inspired me to write about my writing process (maybe tomorrow) because it is so different. I never think about meta or grand statements I want to make or anything even close. I tend to start with a question I want to explore (what would Angel do if he became human after NFA but all his frinds died) and just go from there. I am very "what happens next" driven.

And I am so jealous you finished your story. I thought mine would be about 2-3,000 words. It's already 8,000 and I have a lot left to go. At this rate there will be no time for a beta and the story will be about brody Angle and this girl Biffy he likes.

A lot of times I start with a question, but then it turns IN to grand statements, you know? Like with Best Souvenir. I just wanted to see what would happen if they'd met later, you know? But because I was so into the canon at the time, I wanted to redo the canon completely through that question, and state everything I'd ever felt about that canon, too.

I am SO interested to see your process post! I hope you do it.

So, my IWRY story. It took me . . . three weeks to come up with a plan and a day to write it. In the plan, because I came up with it last Friday, and knew I only had this Monday to write it, I gave myself word limits so I wouldn't try to write anything epic (yeah, I have these length problems). So I thought it'd be around 1,300, more or less, hopefully less. So I wrote it and it was 6,000 words. But still impressively less than what I feared (could've easily been 15,000).

So interested to see your fic. 8,000 words of goodness! And I like Angles, they're cute, except when they're obtuse. And sometimes, they're absolutely right!

The real issue is how do you feel about Biffy?

She's a bit iffy.

not Spiffy?

oh wait, that's what happens when Biffy and Spoke get down.

Can I ask if the affliction you speak of is what happened to your great fic over on tkpfic? I have been anxiously checking that journal for a long time now hoping that you would be inspired! But - if your new B/A story is any indication you certainly seem to have your muse back with the Jossverse.

*Pops out from under a very large rock*

I have that! All the time. With everything. There's so much I want to say, but my stupid subpar writing ability won't let me say it! So I don't say anything at all. SSS. You are a genius.

But you know I've never tried writing fic for a fandom I wasn't currently crazy invested in. Maybe I should take a stab at some B/A fic now whie my mind's on other things. Quick while the obsession's over at Doctor Who and Harry Potter write Joss Muse! Fly! Oh B/A how I've missed you. You are now and will always be my favorite of all OTPs (yes even including Lizzy/Darcy).

P.S. Have you been writing any of this Batman/Gordon fic I hear so much about? Because I want to read it! But not right now. I am far too busy and backed up with fic to read and write. Why does fandom continue while I'm away doing RL things? There should be a pause button, damnit!

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Writing when you're COMPLETELY OBSESSED with what you're writing . . .

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