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When I was very wee, I used to have these nightmares about bugs. The dreams were always the same: bugs were at the bottom of my bed trying to crawl their way up. They were actually sort of waking nightmares; I had them when I was trying to get to sleep more often than when I was asleep. I used to wake up crying all the time.

I stopped waking up crying by the time I was 7 or so I think, but I never really got over that nightmare. I still have it fairly often--again, while I'm awake. I can feel bugs crawling on me, and have to concentrate really hard to remind myself it's not real.

When I read 1984 and got to the part about Room 101 (Winston's Room 101 being rats) I started trying to think what would be in my Room 101, what one thing I was so afraid of I might even betray someone I loved out of sheer fear. And sadly, I had an answer, and it's a certain kind of bug. This bug is relatively harmless, but it frightens the bejesus out of me. And my Room 101 would be full to the top of them, and I'd have to go in there, and they wouldn't just crawl on me, they'd crawl in me. Yes, in every place. I am very good at feeding my phobias.

So tonight when I was reading some of the best fiction (pro or fan) that I've ever read anywhere, one of those bugs crawls into my pants. I tell myself it's the nightmare and it's not real. I tell myself this a good five minutes before I look in pants to check.

I am never going to sleep again.

SO. Do not mention bugs or tell me your bug horror stories or I will stab out your eyes and stuff them like olives. But do please tell me something nice, because I deserve it. ROOM 101 IS UPSTAIRS, AND MY PANTS ARE STILL IN IT*. MY WORST NIGHTMARE LITERALLY JUST CAME TRUE.

*am not pantless, though.

Via

theantijoss and

kita0601

On September 1, all of fandom here on IJ posts a piece of art or writing that has some sort of smut factor. It can be implied, it can be graphic, it can be raunchy (I vote for this one *cheeky grin*), it just needs to be.

Why?

Because after all the censorship issues, fandom needs to bring back the p0rn!

Don't tell me you can't- one sentence, a doodle, all of it will do.

Remember- Bring Back the P0rn - September 01, only on InsaneJournal!

Your Mission is...

(1) Pimp this in your journal
(2) Write or Draw fandom smut
(3) Post on September 01
(4) Comment, Comment, Comment

~

Come on, everybody! Contribute anything -- a line, a stick figure piece of art! More importantly: PIMP!!!

~

Trying to do my first cross post, here. The instructions I got about Semagic sucked. ...Sept 1 is my birthday, guys.

Current Mood: nauseated

I still have much to say. My tongue still feels all tied.

If you have not, I highly recommend that you read this letter to LJ. If you are interested in the questions being asked there, I highly recommend that you sign.

I don't really care what their answers are, because I'm leaving regardless (but I did sign out of morbid curiosity).

Thought about it a lot, and I'm leaving Livejournal.

That's all dramatic and stuff, but I probably won't be gone until the end of the year. If most people decide to leave, and there's a mass exodus before then, I may be gone earlier. But this journal, my fic journal, and my private backup journal will be gone for certain by January 1, 2008.

I have a lot of stuff to say about the whole LJ/6A debacle, but for some reason every time I start a post on it I just have to get up and walk away from it, give it some time, read lots and lots of Harry/Draco, spend time with my family, or eat ice cream. Can't decide whether I'm too angry about it, depressed perhaps, lazy maybe, or possibly I'm an ostrich? Anyway, during the strikeout in May I felt very energized, but maybe that was because I thought that it was possible that LJ had made a mistake, and after hearing customer complaints, would fix it. In other words, I knew I was going to give Livejournal another chance. Well, I did, but I am still displeased as a customer. So, I take my business elsewhere.

I don't know where. One of the reasons I'm staying on LJ for another few months is that I want to see how many other people leave and where they go. Even if a lot of you leave (which I sekritly hope you will), it will not be all at once, and LJ will still be the place to be in the thick of fandom things for a while. If there is a mass movement, decision making, support/rallying/reasearch/etc to be done, I want to be involved. And if people are going to continue to discuss the issues connected to why I'm leaving, I want to be a part of those discussions. Because I do have a lot to say, and I want to say it to my flist, people who I'm interested in having around wherever I end up.

I'm going to back up the journals I have here and copy them to Insane Journal for now. I'm going to be cross-posting to Insane Journal (where I am tkp) and possibly Journal Fen over the next several months. I hope to gradually phase out: to just post links to fic here, instead of actual fics here, etc. Then I will be gone. I know I can make myself do that, but I know I can't make myself never visit LJ again. If you do decide to stay and not post elsewhere, I may still visit from time to time, but I will not have an account here ever again. I don't want to lose touch with any of you. I mean, well, except you; you're always talking about your grandmother's corns.

So, um, this isn't quite yet goodbye, and won't be for a while. Mostly I'm just posting this because once I say I'll do something, I'll do it. And now I've said it.

Okay, now that announcements are over: what're your thoughts? Leavin' on a jet plane? Why? Staying, why? Cat macros? Why not? Where are you going, if you go, where're you lookin' at, what are your hopes and dreams for fandom future? What did you think of the last ep of Mad Men? Is Jason Isaacs the man, or what? How 'bout that burr86, Barak, and Brad? Does the news comm make you laugh, cry, headdesk, or wha...? Did anyone even like the first two Bourne movies? What's your favorite pizza delivery service? Do you think Livejournal would disallow canon!Buffy/Angel fanart? How come I can't spell misogyny? What's the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? And the number one question all of us are asking: how come Buffy never wore the go-go boots again?

For info about the latest LJ/6A fuck up,

liz_marcs is, as ever, an excellent resource: here.

For guides on saving your journals and other journaling resources,

kangeiko has a great list of links: here.

Lastly, I urge you to join

fandom_flies. It's about discussing fandom's options for leaving LJ. I was so ready to leave when the first strike out happened. I'm even more ready now.

Pls to be leaving links, opinions, your thoughts, feelings, any relevant info here. Let's all keep abreast of the situation, here.

Current Mood: productive

YAY BUFFYVERSE. I said I would periodically remind people that this fic is being posted at

tkpfic just in case you weren't into daily updates and want to read in chunks. So, here ya go!

Title: Another One Like It Tomorrow
Length: estimate: 90 chapters
Rating: Overall, NC-17.
Warnings: Overall, hard language, explicit sexual content, violence, torture, rape, and character death.
Summary: Angel has to live the day from "I Will Remember You" over and over and over again. Like Groundhogs Day.
A/N: This fic is about Angel going gray then dark then coming out at the other end of the tunnel, sort of. There's a very strong B/A focus. There's also suggestions of/explicit scenes that have Angel/other characters, mostly slash.

Another 7 chapters of this fic have been posted. One small note: if you read the beginning of this over at ff.net, I've since combined what were chapters 9 and 10 over there, so 10 is the first new chapter for you.

If you want to begin at the beginning (a very good place to start), here's chapter one.
If you read the first chunk and want the next big chunk, you can start at chapter six.
Or you can just access all the chapters here.

Current Mood: scared

I don't normally do these things, but it's late, I'm sick, there's a bug that begins with cock outside my bedroom making me afraid to go to sleep, and I want to know!

What was your first impression of me? First Impressions Meme

I did another Harry Potter fic. I don't even know what it is. I just have all these thoughts, and they come out, and they rhyme! Jossverse, I still love you, even if HP is so shiny and new right now.

Meta-y, gen, short, with SPOILERS. It's about the color of Harry's eyes, the killing curse, Neville Longbottom's thumb...

( Green Incarnations )

Apparently, I've committed fic? For Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

Everyone keeps saying how trite and sappy and lame the epilogue is. As I've mentioned, I find it CREEPY. Here is why.

Short, with focus on the epilogue. SPOILERS.

( Ouroboros )

Current Mood: crushed

( Deathly Hallows reactions and questions. Contains spoilers. )

I'm angry at LJ for quite a few reasons. The way they handled the strike out was wrong. There were so many wrong things about that I can't ennumerate them all, but some wrong things were: they did it without telling us, they did it without telling us why they were doing it, they did it at the random provocation of what to me seemed to be a disorganized, unauthorized, prejudiced group, they made us wait a long time to find out what happened, they deleted across the board without any universal standard reasons for deletion. Basically they were lying scum bags.

And I am now angry at for other reasons: I don't like how the general tone of this latest statement from LJ seems to contradict the "apology" we got from them before, and I don't like the timing of this statement. Lastly and perhaps most importantly I dislike being told what I can and can't write.

I'm just not sure I can blame the latter on Livejournal and co. It looks to me like they're covering their asses, and they're doing so in a way that defines as clearly as the laws theselves what is and is not "permissable". I'm just not sure I have a problem with that, guys, from what I can see so far. Which isn't very much because it's late and I'm tired and I want HP.

However, I'm still angry at LJ for the other reasons stated. I plan to keep abreast of these issues, and better than I have been doing; I want to stay informed; I want to make my voice heard. And I still have a Greater Journal account.

ETA: It has to be said. If you spoil me, I will lasso a longhorn with your entrails and it will stab out your eyes while a vulture eats your brains, and then I will put your carcass in a trunk of starving monkeys. Either that or be pissed off and really hurt; I haven't decided.

Title: Another One Like It Tomorrow
Length: estimate: 90 chapters
Rating: Overall, NC-17.
Warnings: Overall, hard language, explicit sexual content, violence, torture, rape, and character death.
Summary: Angel has to live the day from "I Will Remember You" over and over and over again. Like Groundhogs Day.
A/N: This fic is about Angel going gray then dark then coming out at the other end of the tunnel, sort of. There's a very strong B/A focus. There's also suggestions of/explicit scenes that have Angel/other characters, mostly slash.

The first five chapters of this fic have been posted.

If you would like to start read from the beginning, go here.

If you would like to access individual chapters, go here.

There won't be updates for a few days because I have to read Harry Potter. Thanks to everyone who's shown interest in this fic; it means a lot to me.

Today I'm starting to post a fic I've been writing for more than two years, since right when I started getting into the fandom of Buffyverse. It's called "Another One Like It Tomorrow". It's Buffy/Angel-centric, though it also has Angel/various others, all slash. It's about Angel descending into darkness and finding his way back out again. It takes place in early AtS season one.

So far, this fic is 180,000 words. It is 7/10 written; a middle part and the ending aren't written yet. I never wanted to post this as a WIP. I also wanted to cut it a lot and get it beta'ed before sharing it with the public. But I've lost a lot of steam in these two years, and after a lot of thought, I've decided that working on posting it might do a lot to get me stoked to push on through and write the final 3/10. As such, I decided the right thing to do was to post it for the

lynnevitational, which is partly about finishing things and keeping alive that Jossverse spirit.

I'm going to post the fic in pieces, about a chapter a day or every other day. As I post, I will be working to finish the unfinished pieces so that the missing parts should be written by the time the posting gets to that point. There should be no long delays for anyone following along, waiting for me to write.

( There are several reasons I'm posting this way,explained under this cut. )

If you are averse to reading a WIP, there will be an announcement at the end that it is complete, with a link to all the chapters, and you can read it then. If, however, you are interested in following along as every new chapter as it is posted, I suggest you friend

tkpfic. That journal will be used exclusively to post this fic until posting is completed, at which time you may want to defriend it. If you're not sure whether you're interested in following along, watch this space. There will be a weekly notice on this journal with links to the week's worth of updates. That way you can read it in chunks if you like, or just be reminded that something's being posted over there you may want to read.

( Reasons you may not actually want to read, otherwise known as me whining and being anxious about posting this. )

Lastly, I owe a debt of gratitude to

chrisleeoctaves. She's read most of this, but cannot be blamed for any glaring small errors or major faults. Mostly, she encouraged me, caught a bunch of little errors, and offered quite a few broad comments that hopefully will really change this fic for the better.

-What's your favorite way to have ice cream?
-Does del.ici.ous frighten and confuse you? Is it a bewilderness of scary-itude?
-Why did Wesley have to die?
-What's your most funny/tragic/dramatic/eccentric/amazering RL experience in a grocery store?
-What's your favorite way to have eggs?
-What are your opinions on Irkutsk?
-What's the pairing you turn to for rough down and dirty PWP (like, hate!sex type PWP), because you love your OTP too much and can't stand to see them hurt each other?
-What do you not-Southern people do without crepe myrtles?
-Are you excited about Harry Potter? Can you contain yourself?
-Is it wrong to just submit a chapter of a WIP you were going to post anyway for the lynnevitational?
-What were your thoughts on the season finale of Heroes? I missed them all.
-When is the Angel comic coming out?
-Have you read the new Dune books? Do you like them?
-Why can't I finish anything?
-What do you think Oz has been doing all this time?
-Are we done yet?

Current Mood: betterthanbefore!

femmenerd yelled at us. At us, guys.

Anywho, she's talking about smut. Yes, textual porn, ladies, the kind that makes you squirm in your chair. And she wants to know which fics go straight to your libido, or someone's libido, because anonymous commenting is on. Not the thinky fics, folks, unless the thinky does it for you too, or there's thinky and something that does it for you. The kind that make you ashamed you kept reading just because they were really hot, the kind that make you want to leave TMI in the comments, the ones that make you want to have babies (except for the whole giving birth thing. And everything after that. And the pregnancy thing). Go leave links here.

In other news, ~~why is it I've never heard amygdala called the lizard brain before?~~ eta: Because it's not, actually, but anyway, what I mean is I've never heard the term "lizard brain". !!! Thank you for the info, marenfic! Do you know, everywhere I go, I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by people who know more than me. Oh wait, I am. But sometimes I think everyone's going to get advance notice for Rapture but me, and everyone'll be talking about it, and I'll be going huh, with the what now, because I'm not even sure what the Rapture's supposed to be anyway.

In other other news, I luff you all and you made me feel better last night and things are looking up up up because my family is full of nutcases.

Flist, you are nerdy and witty and sarcastic and whiny. You are strong people and you are brave people, you are intrepid and unsung, you are delightful and draining and devious. You comfort, amuse, engage, educate, entertain me. You're mad and you're bad and you make me glad. You rock.

God damn, am I depressed.

Current Mood: awake

A long time ago, I offered to take requests for dvd commentaries. (You can still ask, if you like. I'll do 'em for chapters of WIPs, too.)

semby requested I do Down There In The Reeperbahn, a historical Fanged Four (actually Three) fic I did some time ago.

As with the commentary I did for the first part of Bodiless Within The Bodies, this is really talky, and dense, and specific. It also has a lot to do with how I think about writing and stuff like that. I don't really recommend it for anyone who is faint of heart, easily bored, or averse to getting down into stuff like the writing process and what makes stuff in fiction tick and random crap. I only did the first part, otherwise I'd've probably written a novel.

The commentary is in bold. Yes, there is more commentary than fic.

( Down There In The Reeperbahn DVD commentary thingy, complete with writing and some canon meta )

Current Mood: chatty

Hi. I've been back for a week, but only lurkily. I don't know what's wrong with me; I can't seem to finish anything, even . . .

(sentences).

( My trip to NYC. )

Link me up: Hey, if you've done anything or seen anything over these past couple weeks, give me a holler or some links. Whether it's fandom related or something about your life you think I might want to know or anything random that pops into your head. And I've been meaning to say for a while: if you're new to the old flist, hallo, make yourselves at home. I don't always friend everyone back because I just can't manage to read a big flist, but I listen to what you have to say and like to surf around. So feel free to holler and leave links too, 'cause I want to see new stuff! I want to see crazy stuff! Like lostakasha writing A/S; it happened; I am eager to read it.

Also: talk to me.

Kids,

Will be in NYC till Sat. Will be meeting

a2zmom so there.

Was going to leave goodies in the fridge but there's no time.

love,
me

P.S. Do NOT break fandom while I'm gone, or you're all grounded.

heatherly's post supports responsible and/or thoughtful writing about concepts such as rape, incest, and pedophilia.

xanphibian's post posits that fandom behaves responsibly in regards to that kind of fic through labeling and warnings, and that the fic behind such warnings is important to us as fans and women.

xanphibian covered most of my opinions on this, but I have two additional points. The first point I want to make as someone who has never suffered any form of abuse, sexual or otherwise, who was lucky enough to never ever be touched in a wrong or uncomfortable way, who had a great childhood. And still has gangbang rape fantasies.

( POINT ONE. )

( POINT TWO. )

forget your Unified Theory of Everything

It's Howdy Doody all the way down!

I deserve love.

(no subject)

Did I shave my legs for this?

Oh, so, I meant that, about good bye.

LJ, you are the weakest link. Good bye.

FIC: Another One Like It Tomorrow

(no subject)

Another fic type thing, with spoilers

HP fic type thing, with spoilers

SPOILERS FOR HARRY POTTER

On the LJ thing. Again.

FIC: Another One Like It Tomorrow

FIC: Another One Like It Tomorrow [Author's Note]

A Survery On IMPORTANT MATTERS

(no subject)

(no subject)

Down There In The Reeperbahn dvd commentary

NYC interlude in La Vie De TKP

(no subject)

And for fandom's next act...

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