forget your Unified Theory of Everything

Hello all you lovely people with your happy dancing fingers and hopefully stuffed stomachs because I don't like to think of anyone being hungry! How are you today? This is my final message, my last shebang, my au revoir, my Mel Gibson crying FREEDOM as fandom rips out my guts or maybe my Thelma to your Louise as I drive of the fandom cliff. I haven't decided which is morbider yet because Mel had that whole guts thing but the chicks had that whole splat thing. Anywho, this is THE LAST STRAW. I can't stand it any more.

( I'm leaving fandom forever and ever; it's hateful and mean and no one commented on my unicorn/Oz fic, and everyone loves bnfs better than me, and I died, and then I came back but left fandom, and also I got wanked, and I'm deleting my lj and never coming back ever ever ever, and nor will my children, or my children's children. )

So, these past three days I was in Austin, and whaddaya know, there was crazydiamondsue! ( And there was Suelaciousness and Suemptuousness and uh, a Sueper time! Har har. )

Happy Birthday chrisleeoctaves! You rock my world. But not literally because then my world would have more craters in it. That one in Arizona, that one in Sunnydale they would be nothing to this earth if you were really a stoner. And then I can't really imagine you toking it up anyway and this is a bit of a babble. But. You rock, like a boulder, like a very well-proportioned rocking chair, like The Beatles, like the wrestler guy who was in that Mummy movie, like dolomite, like the Chris who hosted the Oscars, like the land under St. Peter's, like the casbah, like Hudson the actor, like third from the sun, like I'm all out of puns here, sorry.

You, Chrislee, are never going to hear the end of love from me. And even though I've already expressed reasons as to why, here are some more.

-Reading chrisleeoctaves' posts or comments feels to me like someone is pulling you aside, taking the time to be nice to you, and interested in you. I think that's kind of a hard feeling to create on lj, but I think she does it.
-Her David Boreanaz love comes complete with pictures, descriptions, anecdotes, squee, and fic. Can't ask for more, really.
-She's eloquent. Whether she's talking about her personal life, fandom, writing a fic, or sending you and email, reading what she has to say always feels rich--intelligent, well-phrased, open-minded. Even her squee.
-She loves B/A with the undying love that I do.
-She's pretty.
-It's part of the warm and kind and generous thing I think I mentioned above, but she is really really encouraging me as far as writing goes, both by example of her own fics and by her continuing support.
-She's classy. I think the number one word for chrisleeoctaves is classy. She stirs up great discussion, writes great fic, (meets DB!), does all kinds of fandom things, but never seems to have any "trace of wrath or wrong about her." I possibly just made that quote up, but anyway, it's true. Chrislee is the face you want to show those crazies who don't know what fandom is. She's also the person you want to curl up with on a rainy day to drink tea and drool over our so-over shows with while making semi-incoherent croons of lust and love.

Title: Slayerfest 2048
Length: OMG I DID IT! 100 words.
Rating: OMG I DID IT! G!
Prompt: for femmenerd. Buffy and Faith, affection and snark.
A/N: 45 years post S7. This probably won't make sense unless you keep those shared Slayer dreams in mind.

( Slayerfest 2048 )

I know you'll never believe my amazing news! I didn't when I first heard about it! But it's all true!

( Stuff that's true in Jossverse. According to me. )

l_aurens! Hi! It's her birthday! I want her to get a pony! And cake! And a very well meaning belly dancer who is not my sister-in-law who is wearing belly bells! And a trampoline! And ice cream! And an earnest well wish from an extremely dead poet! And a kudzu! Because everyone should have a kudzu, but l_aurens is not everyone. First of all, she is too small.

She is also singular! Get it? Okay I guess I'll have to explain. Here's why:

1. She's a phan! But not the sort of fan of Phantom of the Opera who insists on spelling everything with a ph. Or has nominated Erik and Christine as eternal woobie teddy bears for life and beyond, where there is only cuddling. She likes her Erik skinny and scary and nose-lacking. Also, the Persian. There's not enough Persian appreciation, but l_aurens has it in spades. And in hearts and diamonds and other small trowels!
2. She's introspective in a deep down soul-searching way.
3. She seems to think that Spike's spectacularly small popsicle privates could defeat the amazing awesomeness of Angel's alabaster and alliterative anus.
4. Photography, thy name is someone famous I've probably never heard of. But l_aurens's photography is not only beautiful and sometimes soothing and sometimes fun, it's so...cathartic to see her discover it, contemplate it, attempt to understand it, improve on it--not just in a technical sense but on an emotional and sometimes even metaphysical level.
5. She has interesting things to say about sexuality, gender, vibes of genderfucking, etc. Christine Daae in pants! Yay! Spike as femal Peter O'Toole! Uh...huh? Yay!
6. You know how some people say, let's agree to disagree. Then keep arguing/trying to change your mind? l_aurens doesn't do either. She says, "hey! We disagree! Cool. Let's discuss." And thereafter follows some of the most entertaining and insightful discussion you can get with two cents, two shakes, and twenty-two years of trying to have such conversation but usually falling flat on your face with a certain sort of mud-covered ignominy not exclusive to shipper wars, f_w, and American politics.

And one to grow on:

7. She's cute!

Happy Birthday you crazy diamond, Sue!

Reasons for loving Sue:

1. Sue's writing makes my speaking English good.
2. One day, I'll have humor, whimsey, banter. And on that day Sue will still have more.
3. I've seen Sue's heart, and this time, not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it.
4. There's a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to her transgressions.
5. Sometimes she has this fantasy that Xander's just gonna grab her and kiss her right on the lips.
6. And the exciting part is that Sue has no ingredients that a human can pronounce, so she doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in your stomach.

Sue, you are the best human ever! I adore you! Well, that's the cookie talking, but you rock!

*shakes fandom hard*

Don't you ever leave me, you fool, don't ever leave me!

*hugs fandom hard*

You. Hey you! Yes you, walkin' on by, thinking 'bout leaving all this behind. Why aren't you writing brow ridge fic?

*shakes fandom again, harder this time, jouncey trampoline grip I've got*

I love the Angel theme song. I love it like whoa. I heard it last night and I cried.

I don't cry much.

spuffyduds margaritas my Mexican dinner*. She's writing limericks. *whimpers with joy*

But anyway the point of this disturbingly affectionate and even more disturbingly spontaneous post is this drabble. How come I didn't write that?

Also, it's because I've been meaning for a while now to wave my cane and yell at you hoodlums to stop saying things like, "She couldn't say why; this was something she just had to do." Because that means in bad-author-speak, "Yeah I don't know where I'm going with this."

JEEZ!

Which just kills a lot of the affection and spontaneity, really.

*edited for artistic purposes.

ETA2: 2am is apparently equal to crack in la vie de TKP. This is why I am not a spontaneous poster. Did you see how I deleted the other post that looked exactly like this? Another thing, kids. I'm getting tired of "straining against the confines of his pants." THINK OF A NEW PHRASE. Or. Possibly. GO WRITE LIMERICKS. And never share them.

ETA3: 3am, and all's well. Fanfic writers of the world, Michelangelo's David is very beautiful, yes. But keep in mind, if you must excessively liken Angel or Spike or who have you to him, he had a rather small schlong. Last bit, I promise.

ETA4: I lied. Right to your faces. My hair looked fabulous today, and McDonald's now has chicken biscuits like Chik-fil-a. It will be seven in 3 hours and I can go get some. I think I might need coffee, just a wee bit. Dude! Remind me never to make posts late at night, ever. Go read spuffyduds's drabble.